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“Good tears, sweetie. I like the idea that my daughter isn’t up there alone.”
“What was her name?” she asked quietly.
My breath hitched as I closed my eyes again. Nobody knew this. I hadn’t ever told a single soul that I’d named my daughter. She was taken from me, ripped away before I could even mourn her properly. And then I was recovering, drugged up for weeks because Zavala didn’t want to hear me crying over my loss. There was barely a thing I remembered from that time. I hadn’t even been able to say goodbye.
“Claire, after my mom.”
She hugged me again, this time whispering in my ear. “When I have a little girl, I’ll name her after my mom.”
“I’m sure she’d love that.”
As I held her in my arms and looked up at Jason again, I knew I’d do whatever it took to be part of this family. Maybe I would always be a little damaged, but I was beginning to see that everyone was. We all had our scars to bear, but with them, I could make it through.
32
IZZY
I was a nervous wreck, and it didn’t hit me until I was standing in Jason’s house, well aware of what I’d asked for earlier. Sex wasn’t the problem. No, the issue was that I hadn’t thought this through. I wasn’t wearing anything particularly sexy. I had no lacy panties or lingerie. In fact, I was pretty sure I was wearing cotton underwear.
Jesus, this was such a terrible idea. Why hadn’t I talked to Vira first? She would have made sure I was ready for this. She could have taken me shopping and?—
I pressed my hand to my cheek as I thought of the state of my…lower regions. Zavala had always made sure I was perfectly trimmed down there, just the way he liked. Since I’d come home, I hadn’t done a single thing to maintain myself, other than basic care. I wasn’t growing a bush, but I wasn’t exactly waxed and buffed for Jason.
Oh my God, what was I doing? This was a terrible idea. I needed to leave. I grabbed my purse and headed for the door, but before I could get there, Jason walked out of his kitchen with two glasses of wine and a smirk on his face.
“Leaving so soon?”
I spun around and pressed my hand to my chest as anxiety rippled through me. “Hey,” I chuckled, trying to figure a way out of this. “I was just…” I motioned for the door, not sure what I was going to say.
“Running?”
He walked toward me and handed over a wine glass. I took it reluctantly, but the moment I saw that gleam in his eyes, I downed half the glass. Yikes, that was not the way wine was supposed to be drunk.
“So, you want to tell me why you’re freaking out?”
Did I want to tell him? He would never understand. He’d probably tell me I was overreacting, but I knew better. Men would say anything to get laid. Well, anyone but Zavala.
I shook my head, refusing to think about him right now. That wouldn’t help a thing. “I know you probably won’t understand this, but I didn’t really consider…all the ways I would need to be prepared for tonight.”
“Such as?” He wasn’t mocking me—just genuinely curious.
“Well…” I licked my lips, trying to form the embarrassing words. In the end, I just had to speak them. “I’m not wearing anything sexy. I literally have on cotton underwear.”
“So?”
“And things are not…trimmed as they should be.” God, the mortification levels were at a fever pitch right now.
But as I looked at him, his eyes seemed to darken with need instead of the disgust I expected to see. “Izzy, are you telling me you have a full bush right now?”
“Not—it’s just not—God, this is so embarrassing,” I muttered. “Can we just do a redo on tonight? I’ll go home and make wiser choices. You can wait here or…I don’t know. Maybe you don’t want to wait for me. Maybe you want to scrap the whole night and?—”
He was in front of me seconds later, pressing his finger to my lips. Those beautiful, dark eyes roamed over my face, taking in every single inch of my skin. I felt naked under his gaze, completely stripped of every secret I had.
Slowly, his finger slid down my lips and over my chin, then glazed over my neck. My breath hitched as he brushed his finger over my breast, then gripped my hip, pulling me closer. His wine glass was gone now—where, I didn’t know. I was too busy watching him watch me, wondering what he was thinking.
I got my answer a minute later when his fingers deftly worked at the zipper of my pants and stripped them down my legs. Standing in front of him in only my everyday underwear, I felt even more on display than if I were naked.
A small squeak left my lips as his hand slid into my underwear and he gave a sharp tug on my hair. His eyes flared in excitement as he slid between my legs, swiping at the moisture rapidly building.