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“What about you?”
What about me? I was struggling to survive most days. Putting one foot in front of the other felt like a monumental leap. My heart constantly hurt and hiding that pain from others felt so wrong. Others were allowed to grieve when they lost their spouse. I had to keep it all tucked away inside. And now that Knight was gone, there was no one who understood.
“I just hope to wake up one morning and…”
“And what?”
That was the problem. I didn’t even know. Find peace? Have my husband back? Not miss the island so much? Nothing in my life would ever be the same, and I couldn’t even say what it was I wanted.
“I really don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s the problem.”
3
JASON
Carli.
I glanced in the rearview mirror as I pulled through the gates of OPS. I’d stopped for gas in the middle of the night and found the key to the lockbox in the jewelry box. Her birth certificate was in there, and right on the line for her father was my name. Even though I already knew it deep in my soul, it eased something inside me to have proof.
Carli James Spencer. I didn’t know if the name had any meaning or if Leah just chose it randomly, but I loved it because it reminded me so much of the woman I loved. The woman I loved and never told.
Johnny and Jack were waiting as soon as I pulled up to the house, along with Tahlia, Skylar, and her son Parker. The welcome party was too much for my little girl. Hell, she hadn’t even spoken since we’d gotten in the car. I had no idea the trauma she’d suffered at the house. I understood she was locked in the basement, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hear anything.
I shifted into park and turned in my seat to face my daughter. She stared straight ahead, her eyes flicking to meet mine. “Hey, sweetheart. We’re home.”
She blinked, not showing any emotion. Christ, I really hoped I hadn’t fucked her up already.
“I know you miss your momma, but…”
But what? I would be a good replacement? Fucking hell, I was going to screw her up.
“I have some friends who are dying to meet you. They’re going to love you. Are you ready to meet them?”
Again, she didn’t say anything or show even a hint of emotion.
“Okay,” I said quietly, shoving my door open. I got out, shaking my head slightly at everyone, letting them know not to approach. I walked around to her side and carefully unbuckled her, then tucked my hands under her arms and pulled her into my arms, holding her tight to my body.
As I stood, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, pushing away all thoughts of Leah. I couldn’t think about her right now or I’d choke on my failures. I ran my hand up and down her back, hoping to soothe her. My eyes flew open when her little arms wrapped around my neck and held me tight. It was the first sign that she was with me, and I held her just a little tighter.
“Are you ready to meet your family?” I asked, pulling her away just enough to see her face.
She cocked her head slightly, her big eyes taking in every inch of my face for the first time. I did the same, thinking of how much I had missed from the very beginning, and it was all because I had told Leah I didn’t want to ever see her again. Fuck, she didn’t even think I would want to know I had a kid. I couldn’t even fault her for her decision.
“Jason—” Tahlia’s voice broke as she called out to me.
I took a deep breath and turned, facing my made family. They all studied my little girl, taking in every inch of her, but it was Tahlia who made the first move. She was running to us before I even took the first step. Tears streaked down her face and a sob broke from her chest as she reached for my little girl.
I held her protectively, even though deep down, I knew Tahlia would never hurt her. “Carli, this is your Aunt Tahlia. She was your momma’s best friend.”
“Tahlia!” Carli exclaimed, leaping out of my arms.
My jaw hardened as realization struck. Tahlia ducked her head, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head as tears leaked from her eyes. My head snapped up to Johnny’s face, but he looked just as shocked as I did.
She fucking knew about Carli. She knew the whole time and didn’t say a word to me. Hell, she didn’t even tell Johnny. I had a kid, and while I understood why Leah didn’t want to tell me, Tahlia looked me in the eye on a daily basis and lied to my fucking face. She obviously had talked to my daughter before. She had a connection with her.
“Hey, sweet girl,” Tahlia grinned, bouncing her on her hip. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Where’s Mommy?”