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She sat up, glaring at me. “It was my decision what to do. I needed to leave.”
“And you just walked out on me. On Carli. We had a whole fucking day planned?—”
“And I couldn’t do it,” she snapped. “I needed space!”
I was done letting her get the last word in. I gripped her by the hips and yanked her down on the bed, hovering over her body. “Listen to me right fucking now,” I growled. “If you’d just let me finish talking, you’d know that what I was going to say is that we had a whole fucking day planned with you. And if that needs to change, so be it. I would rather have been there for you and gotten you out when you needed me to. I could have explained it to Carli.”
“And she wouldn’t have understood,” she choked out, tears spilling down her cheeks. “She’s just a little girl!”
“And you’re my woman,” I shouted, losing my cool. “How the fuck will this ever work if you don’t trust me to take care of you? I want to be there for you, and if it had been a problem, I would have told you that, but you didn’t give me the chance. You took off and left with Kavanaugh. You didn’t even fucking say goodbye! You don’t think that hurt Carli?”
She flinched at my words, sinking deeper into the mattress. I drew away from her body, cursing myself for getting so fucking mad. But we needed to have it out over this shit or it would never work.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, sliding her hand over my arm as she sat up. “I didn’t think of that. I was lost in my head. All I could think about was escaping.”
A heavy sigh left me in a rush, making me feel deflated. “I know that. I know you needed to leave. I just wish you would stop running from me. I wish you would trust me to be there when you need me.”
“I do trust you,” she said after a weighted pause. “I trust you more than anyone, but…I guess I wanted to keep things from getting too difficult for you. I didn’t want Carli hating me because I needed to leave when she was having fun.”
“She wouldn’t have hated you,” I explained, pulling her into my arms. “She might not have understood, but she’s a smart girl. The only thing she’s talked about for the past three days is you. She thought you ran out because you weren’t having fun with her.”
“I’m sorry.”
Sliding my hand along her jaw, I pressed a kiss to her lips, making sure I didn’t take things too far. “Please, trust me. I will always do whatever I can to be there for you. But you can’t push me away like this. I need to know that I’m not fighting for a lost cause.”
Her cheeks tinged red and her eyes dropped. “Am I the lost cause?”
“No. I meant that if you don’t trust me, our relationship will go nowhere.”
Sighing, she slid her arm around my waist, sinking into my body. “I can work on that.”
“Good. Because I was going fucking crazy knowing you were here and didn’t want to see me.”
“I didn’t want to see anyone.”
I pinched her chin between my thumb and fingers. “That can’t happen anymore. I won’t sit by and let my mind think of every possible reason you might not be letting me in. Most of all, that you might be lost in your head. I couldn’t fucking stand it if I thought you were hurting yourself again.”
Her cheeks flamed at the reminder. I didn’t want to bring up the past, but she needed to know where my head was at. “I would say that won’t happen, but I guess I can’t, huh?”
I shook my head. I wouldn’t blow smoke up her ass and tell her everything would be fine. We had a rough road ahead of us. With her issues and my need for control, it was going to be a hard ride, but she was worth fighting for, even if all she wanted to do was run.
“This is it, Izzy. I’ve already fallen for you, and if you want to walk away, you’re gonna have to fight me every step of the way. There’s no letting go now.”
A chuckle slipped from her lips as she looked up at me. “Things just got intense. You’ve fallen for me? Jason?—”
“Don’t tell me I hardly know you. I feel like I understand you more than I understand myself.”
“I don’t even know me.”
“Maybe not, but you’ll get there, and I’ll be with you every fucking step of the way.”
31
IZZY
I rolled over as bright light filled my room. Stretching, I reached behind me for Jason, but the bed was empty. Turning, I let my hand rest on the pillow he’d slept on last night. Nothing else happened after our talk. In fact, all he did was hold me and talk to me. He told me all about his childhood—typical just like mine—and how he got into the military.
For once, all of it seemed so normal. We had that in common, at least. But after college, that’s where our paths deviated. He became a strong protector while I got lost in a nightmare. But his war stories were a special kind of hell that I didn’t even want to imagine. While he didn’t tell me a lot, he alluded to the fact that it wasn’t always pleasant.