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“Why haven’t you come over?” she asked, her eyes wide and confused.
“Um…well, I had some things to take care of. I got a job!” I tried to force as much enthusiasm into my voice as possible, but I failed miserably.
“Daddy’s sad. He just sits on the couch.”
That didn’t sound like Jason at all. “Maybe he just needs a hug from you.”
She pursed her lips, shaking her head at me. “I gave him lots of hugs. Maybe…could you come over?”
The thought of going to him now sent fear spiking through me. I could still see the look on his face when he told me he loved me. I knew he did. I felt it, but how was I supposed to be with someone who thought I would lose it at any moment and possibly harm his daughter?
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, peanut.”
Her face fell instantly. I knew she was trying to hide her tears from me, and as much as I wanted to help her, I wasn’t her mother. I didn’t mean anything to her. That was her dad’s job.
“You know, I think your dad just needs a few days and then he’ll be back to normal.”
“Are you leaving me, too?” she whispered.
“What?” I got down on my knees, grasping her arms as I studied her sad face. “Why would you ask that?”
“Because Daddy looks like he did when he brought me home.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s sad. Just like when he found out Momma went to heaven.”
If he was so sad, why hadn’t he come to me? If that was even the reason why… “Sweetie, I’m sure your daddy is fine?—”
“I don’t want you to leave me, too!” she cried, flinging her arms around my neck. Her tears instantly slid down my skin and I held her tight, feeling myself tear up as I held her. After all this time, I hadn’t realized how attached I’d grown to Carli. It was a connection I’d tried to push away for the longest time, but holding her in my arms, I realized that I wasn’t just hiding from Jason. I was hiding from what I hoped to have with Carli.
“Sweetie, I’m not leaving. I promise. I’m right here.”
“But you won’t see Daddy!”
I rubbed my hand up and down her back, sighing when I realized what I had to do. “How about this…Let’s go see him together.”
She pulled back and wiped at the tears on her face. “Right now?”
“Right now,” I smiled. “It’ll be fine. I promise you.”
I took her hand in mine and led her out of the house, walking toward hers. She chatted the whole way, telling me about what she’d been doing. But I could hardly hear her over the hammering of my heart. With every step we took to her house, all I could think about was how Jason looked at me and the words he said. What would I say when I saw him? Would he be mad that Carli came to my house without his permission?
I didn’t have time to dwell on it too much because Jason was already on his way to us. I didn’t realize my feet stopped moving until Carli started tugging on my hand. I looked down at her, unable to say a thing.
“Izzy,” Jason said, his voice gruff as he stared at me.
His eyes were darker than I’d ever seen and the scruff on his jaw had become a full-blown beard. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Now I understood why Carli was so upset.
“Hey.”
Yeah, that was all I could come up with. What did you say to the man who thought you were at risk of slitting your wrists or turning into a crazy person?
He cleared his throat, his eyes flicking to his daughter’s. “I’m sorry she bothered you.”
“She didn’t,” I said quickly, afraid Carli would think I didn’t want her around.
“Can we talk?” he asked, for the first time looking unsure of himself.