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M y whole attitude on life had changed. It was like I woke up one morning and realized that Lucky was too good for me and I didn’t deserve him.

I treated him like shit and today, I was willing to have the talk with him to let him go.

Not that I wanted to, but I knew I didn’t deserve him.

Even with me getting myself together and trying to heal on the issues that I was dealing with.

The loss of my son, my mother and then another child was a lot.

Not mention finding out that the man you thought was your father, not be your father at all.

That was a lot for any human to deal with.

It turned me into a fucking bitch and I was getting tired of myself.

We were on vacation in Orlando. The kids were still sleeping from the busy day we had yesterday at Disney.

I was still tried too but I promised Merci that we would cook breakfast together.

It was our way of bonding and since she asked, I couldn’t say no.

Lucky was sleeping so peacefully with Kani that I didn’t want to get out of bed.

I wanted to lay here and enjoy what could possibly be our last time together.

I smiled at both of them with their durags on.

Kani didn’t need one on with all the hair he had but Lucky swore he was going to train his waves early.

I got up and slipped on my robe to meet Merci in the kitchen.

She had already sent the text and told me she was down there.

I brushed my teeth and cleansed my face before I walked in the kitchen to Merci singing along with the radio.

This was the first time I saw her happy since she been home.

I saw the depression and sadness she was dealing with, but I had my own shit going on that I couldn’t help her with her problems.

“You in a good mood.”

“I think I really needed this time away. Why you look so damn sad?”

I flopped down on the stool and put my face in my hands. “I think I’m going to let Lucky go today.”

“Please don’t start this bullshit today. I told you, you selfish as fuck.”

“No, not like that. I mean let's be real. He’s way too good for me and you know it. I treated him like shit. I’m sure there’s someone out there that will treat his ass better than I ever could.”

Merci slammed the bacon down on the counter and washed her hands.

“Bitch listen to me. I’m sick of you when it comes to this relationship.

The man married you and you divorced him.

I get why, but you again were thinking of yourself.

He brings his ass back to you after everything you’ve done and now you just wanna break the nigga heart again?

When the fuck you stop? Y’all have a family, Blessyn.

If he didn’t want you, he wouldn’t be here.

Stop overthinking it. From today on, change and be a better person for you, him and Kani.

Do something nice for him for once. He’s always doing something for you. Do something for him.”

“Damn!”

“Somebody got to get your ass together. I love my brother-in-law, and I know if I ever needed him, he’ll come running. I wish you would fully love him like you used to. Now get your fat ass up and help me before everyone wakes up hungry.”

We finished breakfast before everyone woke up.

Perc was the first one up and a few minutes later everyone was up.

The children were playing as we got the plates ready for everyone.

Since we had been here, Perc and Lucky were acting distant.

I wasn’t sure what was going on with them, but I was going to find out.

They talked but it wasn’t like they usually would.

Something was bothering Lucky, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was.

After breakfast, he went out back where the pool was and sat by himself.

I stood in the window watching him roll a blunt and sit back.

He kept rubbing the sides of his head. Picking Kani up and took him to Merci to watch while I went out and talked to Lucky.

As I approached him, he flashed me a smile, but I knew that was a cover up.

Even he couldn’t hide when something was wrong.

He opened his legs for me sit and rest my back on his chest. I laid there for a minute before I opened my mouth.

“What’s going on with you?” I asked sitting between his legs.

“Nothing, I’m good. We are good.”

“Lucky, you’re not good. I know you don’t think I pay attention, but I know when something is wrong with you.”

“Ain’t your birthday coming up?”

“Stop trying to deflect.”

“I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out what we gon’ do. You’re not pregnant anymore so we can do whatever.”

I hated it when I was trying to be serious and he deflected because he didn’t want to talk about the matters at hand.

“I woke up this morning and planned on telling you that we needed to break things off between us. I hadn’t been the best person to you, and I thought you deserved someone better than me.

I was willing to let it all go to see you happy, but you can't even tell me if you’re happy or not.

When I’m genuinely concerned, you can’t talk to me. ”

“You should never have to question my love for you or my son. You know I’m happy.

Shit, I don’t have to hide that. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.

Do you have some things to work on, hell yeah?

I do too. Just like you forgave me for pulling the trigger on Kj, I forgive you for all the evil shit you did to me.

I looked at it like get back. I never took that shit personal.

I just wanted you to look me in my eyes and tell me the truth. ”

“So why is it that you can’t tell me what's going on?”

“Bless, I’m trying to keep you safe. If I don’t tell you then I know you safe.”

“Enough with all that keeping me safe shit. I just took a damn bullet for the both of us. I deserve to know what the hell is going on.”

“I don’t give a fuck ‘bout you raising your voice. You will be here to raise my son. If we both in fucked up predicaments, then we leave him out here alone. I ain’t having it.”

I laid there for a minute listening to his heart. I wouldn’t be able to live if something happened to him, but I had to respect what he was saying. That was the first step in me learning how to fall back and trust him.

“What you think about moving. I asked you this before, but we need to have a serious talk about it. What are your plans?”

“I want to open my barbershop back up. As far as me moving away I don’t even know how to feel about it. Everything I know is in Atlanta. How am I supposed to start over somewhere else?”

“Stop worrying about the wrong things. It won’t happen overnight so that should give you time to promote yourself on social media with a new location.”

“What about the barbershop I was building?”

“I sold it.”

“You did what?” I sat up.

“I sold it. You can start over with another one. It was a bad spot anyway with all the construction going on with the highway.”

“You couldn’t speak to me about it?”

“The last time we talked, you didn’t want shit from me, remember.

I sold that bitch and put the money up. I’ll give you the money if it's an issue. What I want you to do is trust what the fuck I say and let it ride. Can you do that? Stop being strong and let me be the nigga that wears the pants. I’ve been doing business for a long time, and I ended up making more money off that bitch anyway. ”

“I’m going to work on it.”

“That’s all a nigga want from you and we gon’ ride this bitch til’ the wheels fall off.”

A week had gone by, and Lucky was back to doing sneaky shit.

This time I wasn’t going to overreact; I was going to wait it out and hope he got caught doing whatever it was he was doing.

Since I was no longer pregnant, I decided to get my ass out of the house and go and try to find me something to do.

Lucky’s pops had reached out to me to meet him for lunch.

I thought it was odd since we hadn’t talked since my mama died but he was still the man that raised me. What could it hurt?

I packed Kani’s bag and headed out the door so I could beat traffic.

Slutty Vegan had become one of my favorite spots, so I asked him to meet there.

It was always a line, but I thought if we got there in enough time, we could be one of the first in line.

I paid for parking and toted Kani’s heavy ass on my hip a block up the road to the restaurant.

He had gotten there before opening and got us a table.

I was completely out of breath when I sat down at the table so when he reached for Kani, I didn’t hesitate to hand him over.

“He looks just like Lucky did when he was this age. What are you feeding him?”

“I still breastfeed, and he eats certain table foods if it’s healthy.”

“My goodness. It’s good to see you. How you been since the incident?”

“It’s been a struggle. Some days are bad where I have pain in my neck, but I look at my son's face and it gives me motivation to keep pushing.”

“That’s good. How is Merci?”

“She’s good. Why did you want to meet?” I cut straight to the chase.

“I don’t know if my son told you or not, but he took something from me, and I want it back. I’ve tried to call him, but he has me blocked. Is there any way you can get it for me or I can follow you to get it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, so you in a relationship and don’t know what the fuck going on in your house?”

“I haven’t even ordered any damn food yet and you already on some assuming shit. I trust my nigga enough that I don’t have to know every little fucking detail.”

“I guess your ass didn’t know he had a son either?”

“I know that already,” I stared his ass in the eyes.

“What about the other bitch that’s claiming she pregnant right now?”

I held my composure, “I don’t give a fuck ‘bout a bitch that’s claiming shit.

I can look you dead in your fuckin’ face and let you know that Lucky ain’t stuck his dick nowhere.

Whatever this shit is you trying to do, it ain’t working.

You can get your ass the fuck up and walk off.

Try to get your shit another way because it damn sure won’t be through me. ”

“He gon’ hurt your lil’ feelings. The nigga ain’t nothing like you think he is. You’ll see.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it. If it’s true, then he just likes your ass. A no-good ass nigga.”