Page 28

M y heart was racing as Blessyn rose up from the bed.

I had to think this shit through because the way she was approaching me; she was ready to beat my fucking ass.

I stood up and put some distance between the both of us.

She was carrying my son, and I didn’t want her to hurt herself.

She had every damn right to be upset with me.

“Kason was my fucking son. You killed my son and the love of my life.” The stream of tears fell from her face and dropped on her chest.

For the first time I was lost for words.

The shit didn’t go down like it was supposed to that day.

I wanted to explain the shit to her in a way she would understand.

I would’ve never intentionally pulled the trigger on her son.

It was no explaining to her because she balled her fist up and hit me dead in my face twice.

I had to eat that shit even though I wanted to yolk her ass up.

“Can I tell you my side of this, please?”

“Your side? My child is fucking dead. You don’t have a side. Did you know this shit before you married me and got me pregnant? Is this your way of apologizing by buying me nice shit and spoiling me? If it is, it will never bring them back.”

“Man, I wouldn’t do no shit like that. I didn’t know your fuckin’ ass. We fucked and fell in love with each other. I didn’t know you prior to that night.” I slowly approached her and reached out to touch her.

“No!” She backed away from me. “You don’t love nobody but yourself. You never mentioned this to me.”

“What nigga tells his wife he killed a kid? We not going to mention the fact that I asked you did you have kids, and you lied. This shit could’ve been avoided if you were honest but fuck alldat. I’m sorry but I would like to explain what happened that day.”

Blessyn slapped me in my face and walked in her closet and started snatching shit off the hangers.

I took full responsibility for all the shit that was happening right now.

Maybe I should’ve told her that I had murdered muthafucka’s when they crossed the line with me.

I didn’t want to tell her that because that was my way of protecting her from the streets.

The less she knew, the better. She seemed like the type to not even fuck with my kind in the first place.

“Where are you going? You do know we married, bruh. You don’t just leave like that. We gotta talk this shit out. You reacting and don’t know what the fuck goin’ on.”

“Don’t worry about staying married to me for long. You got me fucked up if you think I’m about to stay with you after what you did. If I wasn’t carrying all this stomach, I would beat your ass in this bitch.”

“Blessyn, can you just wait a minute and listen. You need to sit down before you go into labor or some shit.”

She didn’t stop packing. She was even grabbing the bags I hid from her with baby shit in it.

The love I had for her was real and I wasn’t ready to let this shit go because of some dumb as shit that went down back in the day.

The shit fucked with me up until this day and that’s why I never carried guns on me anymore.

That lil’ nigga will forever be etched in my heart.

I paid the bill at the hospital and sent flowers to the funeral home.

I showed up at his grave and made sure that bitch was clean with fresh flowers every chance I got.

He meant something to me too, and I had never met him until that dreadful day.

“Blessyn, what you want me to do? I just want to fix this.”

“I want you to die, Lucky. I want you to fucking die.”

“That’s what you want?”

“Yeah, that’s what the fuck I want.”

“Aight.” I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and hit speed dial. “Boogie come through the special door and bring me a glock.” I kept my eyes trained on Blessyn.

She continued on with her packing but paused slightly when I mentioned bringing a gun to me.

I knew she loved me just as much as I loved her but if it would make her feel better to lose me then I was willing to end this shit right here to prove to her that I would never intentionally hurt her or an innocent child.

A few minutes passed when a tap on the door stopped Blessyn in her tracks.

“Preciate it, Boogie.”

“Everything good?” He looked around the room.

“It will be.”

“You sho?” He stared at me. “Call me if you need me.”

Boogie was my childhood friend that protected me with his life.

Everywhere I went, he went. He lived on the property with me, and I made sure he was paid for his services.

With him being single, I thought it was best for him to join my team.

He never wanted to settle down anyway, he would fuck bitches and throw them out like trash.

It was something he always did. He stood to the door a little longer before I closed the door on him.

I sat on the bed and made sure that the gun was loaded.

“What are you doing?” Blessyn asked.

“Doing what you wanted,” I cocked the gun to make sure a bullet was in the chamber.

“Lucky you wouldn’t do that in front of me. Would you?”

“You don’t know me very well. It ain’t like I ain’t been wanting to do it anyway.

The shit ain’t just bothering you. I’ll just take myself out of my misery.

You don’t think I feel fucked up for real now that I killed someone that was important to you?

You have no idea how I sleep in intervals because that day plays over and over in my head, do you? ”

“I gotta get out of here. You can do what you want when I leave.”

“Nah, you pregnant with my baby. This is your home, and we built our family here. You stay; I’ll leave.”

My heart dropped right after the words left my mouth.

I wanted to grab her and squeeze her so tight so we could cry this shit out together, but she wasn’t letting me touch her.

I wanted to wipe every tear that was falling down her face.

She stopped grabbing her shit and waited for me to start getting my things.

I didn’t even want shit. All I got was my keys, phone and some money.

“When you ready to talk can you call me, please? If you don’t then I understand.

I’ll see you at the baby appointment in a few days.

You know where the money and shit at.” I left the gun sitting right on the bed so if she wanted to, she could’ve shot me dead in my back.

She didn’t and that’s how I knew she had love for me.

I got in my truck and drove away from the only woman that had my heart.

The further I got away, the more my heart broke.

It was late as fuck and I was replaying the day in my head, now I knew why her ass passed out.

Having a son was traumatizing to her. It was fucking with me too, but I felt like it was the most high letting me get my shit together. I never had a clue she was the mother.

I parked my car in valet and got out to get me a room for the night.

Later that night, I called down there and paid up for the week.

Blessyn wasn’t going to let me back in her life ever again.

Sometimes the love could be there, but it wasn’t enough and I could tell from the look in her eyes that she wasn’t fucking with me like that ever again.

It took me all night to sleep. I called Blessyn’s phone over and over again, but she never answered.

She was probably dying right now, and I wasn’t there.

I sent Boogie to check on her so I could rest. He reported back and said she was locked in the room crying.

That shit ate at me that I just got out of the bed and sat on the sofa, smoking blunt after blunt until my face was numb and my lips were burnt.

By the time I climbed in the bed it was after seven in the morning, and I still had to force myself to get some sleep.

I wasn’t sure what time it was but the banging at my door had me ready to snatch a bitch head off.

It felt like I had just gone to sleep but when I looked at the clock it was damn near six in the evening.

My body was heavy as fuck as I tried to pull myself out of the bed.

The banging started again before I could reach for my shirt.

“I’m coming goddamn.” I opened the door to see Perc standing there with an attitude.

“Nigga what the fuck you doing here? I waited on your ass for two hours at the spot and you never showed. Went to your crib and Boogie told me you were here.”

I shut the door and took a seat at the mini bar in my suite. Since it was evening, I grabbed a glass and poured myself a drink and swallowed it down.

“I’ve lost my damn wife.”

Perc pulled a chair out and poured himself a drink too. “You can’t be serious. Y’all shit still fresh. What happened?”

“Remember that pussy ass nigga Khi?”

“Yeah, he had that shit coming.”

“I really don’t give a fuck ‘bout him. It’s the kid.”

“You still fucked up about that?”

“It was her kid and Khi was her nigga.”

“Fuckkkk! You gotta be lying. Out of all the muthafucka we know why it had to be her? Did you tell her you didn’t intend to kill her son? I mean you did explain that shit to her, didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t. I mean; I tried but she wouldn’t let me. Her ass was trying to leave the house all pregnant and shit, so I told her to stay and I’ll leave. You know I would never hurt a child. I’ve always wanted kids. I only imagine what I would do is someone fucked with my child.”

“I know how that fucked you up. You went to therapy and everything ‘bout that lil’ boy.”

“Khi was flaw as fuck for even coming at me while he had his lil’ nigga with him. Like she never mentioned her kid while at the shop?”

“Bruh, Blessyn private a fuck. She never mentioned it.”

“Fuck!”

“How the fuck you plan on fixing this shit? She’s your wife and the mother of your unborn son. You gotta fix this and I fuck with sis. She’s my boss.”

“I don’t even know where to start. I wish I could’ve got him to the hospital quicker maybe he would still be alive, and I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Don’t relive that shit, bruh. You did everything a real nigga would do and you need to be cool with that. Stop beating yourself up and try to get your wife back.”

Me and my brother sat in silence for what felt like forever.

Perc finally got a call and left me in the room alone.

My thought was racing and all I could think about was that day.

Kason’s blood was all over me when I laid him on the bed in the hospital.

There was no way I could leave him in the backseat fighting for his life while his daddy’s brains were splattered in the front seat.

Blessyn crossed my mind as a tear fell from my eyes. I got up to grab my phone to call her, but her voicemail picked straight up. Clearing my throat, I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come. I cleared my throat again to speak.

“Baby, I’m just checking on you. Can you call me back when you get this message, please?” I hung up and rested my head in my hands. I had to really fix this shit with Blessyn, or I was going to lose my damn mind.