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I broke down as soon as he walked out the door.

There was no sense in my hiding it because as small as I had gotten, my stomach was protruding and there was no need to keep the secret from him.

It wasn’t about me trying to be with him.

I was wanting to be truthful with everyone around me.

My life almost ended because of my selfishness.

His reaction didn’t shock me. We had just loss our daughter, and I knew how he felt about me.

The thought of having another nigga’s baby was going to sit right with him.

“Aight look,” Perc barged back in after a few minutes.

“I don’t give a fuck ‘bout you being pregnant. I almost lost you to a fuck nigga. All I want is you and even though you don’t remember my daughter, she remembers you and she needs you.

If the baby comes with you, then fuck it, I guess I gotta deal with it. ”

I threw the cover off me and sat on the side of the bed.

“That’s the thing. I don’t know if I want the baby.

Not because of you but because of the situation.

Being raped and getting pregnant from it has done enough damages.

I don’t think I can love this baby like I would if it hadn’t been from a rape. ”

“He raped you?”

“Several times before he dumped me where they found me at. I don’t want to be a bad mother to my child because I hate their dad.”

“You won’t ever be a bad mother, but you have to do what you’re comfortable with. I don’t ever want you to mistreat a child ‘cause of a mistake you made. What do you have in mind?”

“I was thinking about adoption. I’m already past the first trimester and it’s not safe to have an abortion so I’m going to carry the baby and then give it up for adoption.”

“Whatever you with, I’m with. I’m only worried about getting you home and safe.”

“I can’t go home. What if he finds out that I’m alive and tries to harm me again?”

“You don’t have to worry ‘bout that. He’ll never bother you again. Do you remember who you were with?”

“I don’t remember who he was but I couldn’t clearly hear his voice, so I knew he wasn’t from here. I don’t know if I wanna go home though. I don’t remember shit and I don’t want people looking at me crazy because I can’t recall their name.”

“You don’t have to rush and do shit. If you wanna sit in the house until the baby is born, I got you. Don’t think you gotta be moving ‘round and shit for money. I’ll handle that.”

“What about my condo.”

“Man, I been paying the bills at that bitch like you was still living there. Somedays we would stay there. I had to pay the damn owner to give me a key.”

It felt good to see Perc smile. We had a long way to go before we could get the trust in our relationship.

We never had it and in order for us to get there, we both had some shit to work on.

I for one was going to work on loving myself.

My issue was with men and money and now that I knew that, I hoped that Perc would be patient with me.

“I missed yo ass so much. I know we not gon’ get back what we had but we can work towards that shit. We just got to get over this hurdle.”

“I’m sorry about all this. My greed got the best of me, and it finally showed me I wasn’t really that bitch. I mean I do still think I am but not on that level.”

“You the shit but everybody doesn’t need to be able to get to you or know that. Your problem was trying to make somebody like you. You know muthafucka’s feeling you but you don’t have to give them access let they ass wonder. Just like you played with me before you let me hit it.”

We both laughed as Blessyn walked back into the room.

I had already broken the news down to my sister about me being pregnant, but I hadn’t told her my plan.

Today wasn’t going to be the day I told her.

I was just getting her back, and I didn’t want to argue about my options right now.

She was pregnant too I wasn’t sure how her relationship was going so right now; I wanted to enjoy them.

I was slated to be released this week, and nothing made me more nervous than going back home.

As we all crowded up in my room, Blessyn showed me pictures of some of my work.

She showed me videos of me doing hair in her barbershop and everything.

Some of the faces I could remember but I just didn’t know their names.

Only time would tell when that would come back to me.

It would be nice to wake up one morning and everything comes back to me but I knew it was going to be a working progress.

It was frustrating to me that I had to build a bond with Perc’s daughter all over again.

She was stuck up under me and I didn’t have a clue who she was or where her mama was at.

The boys left with the kids so they could feed them.

I was left in the room with my sister as she braided my hair back making me look like Cleo off Set it Off.

It was cool with me because my hair was starting to shed because I couldn’t do anything to it while in the coma.

The nurse did what they but it was only so much moving the doctor would let them do.

“How you feeling. You know, about the pregnancy and all.”

I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. Honestly, I hated the baby that I carried and often wished that I went to the bathroom to piss and it fell out.

It was how I felt and nothing could change that.

The baby had nothing to do with what happened to me, but it was a product of it.

Every time they would take me to check on the baby, I wouldn’t pay attention because I didn’t want to get connected to the baby knowing I wasn’t going to keep it.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay, that’s cool. Soooo today is your birthday. Did you remember?”

I looked over at the calendar and noticed that it was indeed my birthday.

“I sent them to get us some party stuff. We can’t get drunk, but we can turn up with some juice and pizza. Is that cool with you?”

“I wouldn’t want to celebrate with anyone else but my family.”

“You know I got you. It’s just me and you now. We gotta have each other’s back.”

A few hours later, Perc came back with balloons and flowers.

We ate and had a good time until they put everyone out of my room.

Perc decided to stay and sleep on the sofa while Blessyn them went and got a room.

They had made it clear they weren’t going home until I was released.

It was a good feeling to have my family here with me.

These were the people that had my best interest at heart, but I was too selfish to see it.