Page 65

“ M erci!” I called out. Her car was out front, but she wasn’t in her usual spot on the sofa eating snacks. I threw my keys on the table headed towards our bedroom. “Baby, where you at?”

The bed was made up and her shoes were right outside of the bathroom door.

I walked in to see her sitting with her back up against the Jacuzzi tub.

She wouldn’t look up at me even though she knew I was standing there.

I was patient with her since she came home.

Making sure not to rush her to show me love or anything.

Merci was distant and I understood why. When a nigga touches you in an inappropriate way, it fucks with your mind.

“Wassup with you?” I took a seat next to her and pulled her into me.

“I’ve been sitting here for hours trying my best to talk myself out of killing myself.”

“What the fuck you wanna do that for?”

“Just let me talk so I can get this out.”

I got up and went to go get me something to smoke. The bathroom was big enough for me to be on one end and her on the other. I put the lid down on the toilet and rested my elbows on my knees. “I’m listening,” I blew my smoke out.

“I’m ashamed of myself and no one understands it’s hard for me to look at myself in the mirror.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not as confident as I once was.

This is the hardest battle I’ve ever been in, and I feel that you hate me.

The only reason you’re with me is because you feel bad.

I may be wrong but that doesn’t stop me from feeling this way.

It’s like I’m all alone and you won’t even touch me. ”

“You finish?” She nodded. “It ain’t that I don’t wanna touch you, but you act like you don’t want me to.

It does fuck with me sometimes thinking ‘bout you being with another nigga and then me laying up with you. That doesn’t mean a nigga don’t love you.

I’m letting you heal from this. All the while loving you.

Remember something very important though, I love you more than I hate you.

What a nigga gotta do to get yo confidence back ‘cause after this baby, I need you to hold yo head the fuck up. This shit will be over soon and there’s no need to keep beating yourself up about it. ”

“I don’t know what to do. The bigger my stomach gets the more I hope I fall down the stairs.”

“You speaking too much negative shit. You gotta stop it. Get the fuck up and go pack a bag. We ‘bout to go off somewhere. You being in this house is fuckin’ up yo head.”

I got up and helped her up off the floor. We were about to go on a family trip or some shit.

“We gon’ work this shit out. We both been through a lot, but we did the shit together and we are better together. I love the hell outta you.”

Merci was the only one that made me soft. I pulled her into me and rested my chin on top of her head as she laid her head on my chest. I really loved her and no one could make me stop. I released her when my phone started ringing.

“Talk to me.”

“Aye, I need you to meet me at the old house.”

“Right now?”

“Right muthafuckin’ now, nigga.”

“Aight.” I hung up. “That was Lucky. I need to go meet him real quick but I need you to pack some shit for everybody and then we’ll head out.”

This little meeting Lucky was trying to have with me couldn’t come at a worse time. Having a talk with Merci and then leaving her wasn’t the best thing to do right now but I could hear the urgency in Lucky’s voice. He opened the door for me when I pulled up.

“What’s the damn emergency?”

He walked back to the den and paced the floor. He had obviously been here for hours because he had papers spread out all over the floor.

“Have you ever thought about why pops did the things he did? I mean the nigga was really smooth as fuck to have two families, right?”

“Where the hell this coming from?” I walked around, picking up a few of the papers.

“I’ve been here for hours pulling out all the shit that was locked away in a safe box at mama house. She made sure that this shit wouldn’t get damaged. I couldn’t find the damn key for nothing, so I cut the lock off the bitch and found our birth certificates and all kind of shit.”

“I’m not seeing where you going?”

He walked up to his glass table and moved some stuff to the side before finding a piece of paper and handing it to me. It was my birth certificate but my mama's name wasn’t on it. There was not a mother listed.

“Why the fuck mama name not on my shit?” I stared at it.

Lucky handed me another piece of paper. It was his birth certificate and our mama's name was missing off his shit too.

“Pops seems to be the only muthafucka that’s been playing with us. He been lying for years and I think it’s time for me to have a real talk with him.”

I was sitting back blown away. Why the fuck was he hiding something like this?

“Why were they hiding this?” I threw the papers on the floor.

“Either he had this shit locked away or mama did and wanted us to find out. That’s not all of it. Pops took out an insurance policy on mama a month before she died. That shit stuck out like a sore thumb. He took our name off everything and put his and it has her signature.”

“Where is the nigga staying at these days?”

“Don’t know but wherever it is, he laid up with some money. The nigga ain’t never had a car but he rode up in a Benz the day we laid Blessyn mama to rest. I didn’t think about it then but now I know how he could afford it.”

“You got some good as points. What you wanna do?”

“I wanna pull up on him and see what’s up.”

“I can’t for a few days. I’m about to take the family on a trip. Merci at the house tripping and I wanna get her away for a few days.”

“Cool. I’ll handle the shit on my own.”

“Nigga is you mad ‘cause I’m takin’ my girl and daughter out of town on a vacation?”

“Nah nigga, do you. Have fun but while you vacationing in the sun and shit, I’ll be here in Atlanta making sure shit gets done. I’m tired of fuckin’ tiptoeing and shit.”

“Nigga, don’t act like I didn’t handle shit while you were down. Don’t get beside yourself.”

“What you did Perc? I always gotta fix some shit. When I hand everything over to you, I told you I didn’t want no parts of the streets no more yet I’m still doing street shit. Why? ‘Cause you too fuckin’ childish and you mishandle shit.”

I wasn’t sure where the nigga attitude was coming from. He had a lot to get off his chest and I guess I was the fucking target. I stood up to leave before we got to throwing blows and I didn’t want to take it there with him. The respect I had for him too much.

“I’mma leave before we ended up tearing this shit up in here. Whatever got you on edge you need to check it. Maybe you need to go on this vacation with me, and we’ll handle this shit when we get back.”

“I got a lot going on. My bad for biting your head off,” Lucky sat down.

“It’s all good. You trying to keep everyone safe and I get it. Y’all pack some shit up and let's get out the city for a few days. That way we can clear our heads and come back and handle this shit.”

Lucky looked around at the shit scattered everywhere and nodded his head before shutting everything off and walking out the door with me.