Page 38

I woke up this morning feeling heavy. My back was hurting, my head was hurting, and I just didn’t feel like doing shit.

Lucky was gone to handle business and Merci had Perc’s daughter, so I was left home alone.

Not that I mind, having a toddler in the home that was always on ten was a bit much during my last few weeks of pregnancy.

This was my time to relax and make myself feel like something because lately I was looking and felt like shit.

Lucky would occasionally say something nice to me, but it didn’t make me feel better.

I showered, did my hair and put on some clothes that made me look a little appealing.

Since my stomach had dropped, I knew that my days were getting shorter and my son would be here before I knew it.

I hadn’t gone to Khi’s auntie flower shop in months so she wouldn’t have to question me about the father of my child.

Lucky and I were not a secret, but we didn’t like people in our business either.

I parked my car and got out to get some flowers for my son’s grave.

She noticed me approaching and rolled her eyes.

“Is this why we haven’t saw you in months?” She said as I leaned over to catch my breath.

“Partially.”

“I don’t care what you do with your personal life. We didn’t expect you to stop your life just because Khi is gone. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Nobody important. Do you have some flowers ready for me?”

“You know the streets do a lot of talking, Blessyn. You went off and got married. Then you let the nigga knock you up and now he’s a nobody? Girl go play with someone else.”

“Do you have flowers or not? I just need some for Kj.”

“None for Khi? What your husband told you that you couldn’t put any on his grave anymore?”

“No, I just much rather focus on my son. Khi had plenty women besides me that could put fresh flowers on his grave. No disrespect to y’all or anything but I’ve found out information that makes me not want to have anything to do with him. He has y’all and my son has me.”

“Well go buy your damn flowers somewhere else. My nephew was good to you, and you gone stand in my face and tell me some shit like that.”

“Fine, I didn’t come here to argue. My son was your family too. Don’t be mad at me for not being a fool for him even while he lays in his grave.”

This was the reason I stayed away. I walked back to my car and struggled to get in.

She stood there staring at me as I left.

I was washing my hands with any dealing with his family.

Her ass probably knew about his side child and all.

The local Kroger’s had some pretty fresh flowers that I snatched up and headed to the cemetery.

Lucky’s car was parked close by which made me park further off and walk up.

Without interrupting him, I stood aloof watching him on his hands and knees cleaning my son's gravesite.

He laid out fresh flowers and opened some match boxcars that he lined up.

“I didn’t know you lil’ man but your mama is special to me, and I promise to take care of her for you. She’s mad at me for what I’ve done to you but if you were here now, I would give you the world just like I’m going to do your little brother.”

The tears fell from my eyes listening to him. I could hear him sniffle and wipe his face before I walked closer. Khi’s grave was a mess which made me feel some type of way. I don’t know what came over me, but I snapped as soon as I got close to him.

“Get the hell away from my son’s grave. How dare you come here and you’re the cause of this shit? Look at Khi’s shit.” I pointed out.

“Do I look like I give a fuck ‘bout how his shit look? I didn’t come here for him. I came for Kason and that’s it.

This gives me peace when my anxiety is going through the roof.

If you came here to check me ‘bout a dead nigga then maybe we need to end this shit for real ‘cause you not mad at me ‘bout your son. You pissed off ‘bout this pussy ass nigga,” he pointed at Khi’s grave.

“You don’t know shit. You standing your ass here like this gon’ fix something but it ain’t.

I don’t care how many times you bring your ass here and put flowers on my son shit.

Leaving plastic ass cars like you know what he likes and shit.

You will forever be an ain’t shit nigga for what you did, Lucky. ”

He stood there nodding his head with his bottom lip resting between his teeth. At the moment I wasn’t thinking about the words that were coming out of my mouth. Lucky’s jaw twitched as he let me vent.

“I’mma let you have your moment with your son and nigga. I’ll see you back at the house.”

I spent as much time as I could with my son before forcing myself to leave.

I did end up cleaning Khi’s grave off. That was going to be my last time ever doing it.

I didn’t like to have Kj’s clean and Khi’s a mess.

Since Lucky gave Kj some fresh flowers, I left the ones I bought on Khi’s.

After my argument with Lucky, I couldn’t go home so I ended up at my old house.

I never thought I would come back here. Not to live anyway.

Everything looked so old and outdated. Compared to what Lucky had me living in, this looked like a small cottage against his massive house.

Throwing my purse down and took my shoes off to walk in the kitchen.

There was a slight odor, and I was sure that Merci had forgot to throw something away.

The scent hit me hard when I lifted the lid to the trashcan. Pissed, I went to grab my phone.

“Merci, why the hell you didn’t take my trash out?” I fussed at her as I gathered the trash and started cleaning up.

“My bad, but bitch listen. Why I ran into Ben and his wife again. Like damn can I move around my city without running into them?”

“Have they moved here?”

“I believe they have. Ben been all in my DMs to the point I had to block him. I don’t want any problems with that girl. And I had Perc little girl with me.”

“You need to tell Perc about this just in case something happens. I’m about to go so I can shower and get in bed.”

“Why the fuck you at your house and not home with Lucky?”

“I just wanted to come home,” I lied.

“There you go lying and shit. What, y’all get into or some shit?”

“No, why I gotta be lying?”

“Bye bitch. I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

I cleaned up, showered and got in my bed.

My phone was going off back-to-back from Lucky.

To avoid another argument, I shut my phone off and enjoyed a few episodes of Snowfall on Hulu.

I talked a lot of shit to Lucky, but I was missing the house already.

If I could just sleep tonight, I was heading back in the morning.

Shit was so tensed between us and when I woke up, I never knew what kind of mood I was going to be in.

Before my eyes could pop open on their own, beating on my door is what disturbed my peaceful sleep. The only person that said they were coming over was Merci and I knew damn well she wasn’t up this time of day. I dragged my ass out the bed and walked as fast as I could to the door.

“Since you’re taking this single thing to the next level, I thought I would come by and give you these.”

“What’s this?” I grabbed the papers from Lucky.

“It’s what you wanted. I tore them muthafuckas up but I had my lawyer to redo them being that you were adamant ‘bout it. No need to hold on to some shit, ya feel me. You can have whatever you want. I’ve completely moved out of the house; it’s yours.

I’ll have my phone on, so just call me when you go in labor,” Lucky said.

Was he serious? Nah, hell nah he couldn’t be. Lucky was not leaving me like this. He said he loved me and now he was done. Just like that? It took everything in me not to fall out and having a damn fit.

“This is it? This is how we’re bringing our son into this world?” I looked up at him.

“What the hell you want me to do, Bless? Nothing I do is good enough. What the fuck else do you want? I’m tired of begging you and kissing your ass.

I made the biggest mistake of my life and now I’ve lost you too.

Let me live with that shit. I’m giving you what you wanted.

I’ve already had to go to the doctor to up my fucking medicines.

It’s too much shit going on and I gotta let some shit go. ”

“Is this about me not coming home last night? It was only so we wouldn’t argue. I thought a little space would be good.”

“Now you got your space, baby. We are divorced now. Like I said, my phone is on.” He looked me up and down and reached out for my exposed belly. “Daddy see you soon man.”

Now my heart was shattered but that’s what I get for fucking playing too much.

I wanted a divorce but not really. Lucky said he was going to fight until he won me back but that wasn’t the case.

I watched him ride off as the tears fell from my eyes.

Slamming the door, I rushed to the bathroom to vomit.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I sat down to pee and notice my mucous plug when I wiped.

I sent Lucky a text to let him know that I could go into labor at any time.

He responded back immediately and told me to go home because it was quicker to get to the hospital from there and his other house was closer.

I locked up my house and headed to where I should’ve been last night to avoid the mess that transpired this morning.

It was done now and all I could do was pick up the pieces and move on.