Page 40

N o one could’ve told me that I was going to be a mother again.

I was enjoying every bit of my son but as the days went by, I realized that the shit was harder and harder without having any help.

Now that the divorce was final and Lucky was a free man, I was noticing he was moving different.

He would come to the house every day to see our son for two hours without saying a word to me.

No how was I doing? Did I need anything? That wasn’t like him.

As a woman I started thinking he had another woman that was keeping him from fucking with me.

Today when he came over my mama had just laid our son down and for a moment it was just me and him in silence.

For the short amount of time, we’ve been together, we always had something to talk about.

We were damn near best friends and now we couldn’t think of one thing to even have a conversation about.

“Kani has an appointment coming up in a few days. I’m not sure if you’ll be busy or not. I can get my mama to go with me if you can’t make it.”

“When it comes to him, I’ll make time. I just gotta adjust a few meetings I got, and I’ll come pick y’all up.”

Again, we sat in silence with just the television going. He played on his phone while I sat there pumping breast milk.

“How is the new duplex going?”

Lucky was buying up so much property and redoing it that I thought he had forgot about my new shop. After the divorce I had a feeling that the dreams we shared about the shop was now gone down the drain. That would be a good way to get back at me.

“It’s going good. Just tore them down and about to rebuild. Shit had too much mold in it.”

“Are you hungry? You know he’s going to sleep for a few hours.”

“Nah, I’ll just come back. No need to sit here and take up your space and shit.”

“You’re fine, you are not bothering me at all.”

I wanted to tell him to stay but I didn’t want to be rejected. Lucky was over my bullshit but having the baby made me want him closer. Every time I looked at my son it was like look right at Lucky.

“What happened to the woman that hated my fuckin’ guts?

I ain’t trying to be mean to you or nothing but I don’t do back and forth shit.

I’m a grown ass nigga and I don’t play kiddie ass games with women.

When I married you, the shit was for a lifetime, you signed them papers on me and even after I tried to fight for this shit, you didn’t want it.

So, save the shit for someone else ‘cause me and you done. I don’t wanna kick it or nothing.

I love your ass an all but you not ‘bout to fuck with a nigga heart when you feel like it. It’s ‘bout Kani from here on out, you got it?”

I fought the tears but I nodded my head to let him know that I understood.

Khi was the only guy that I knew that could make my heart ache when he would do stupid shit, but I never left him.

Watching Lucky put his shoes on and grab his phone left my heart aching.

I heard the pain in his voice, but I couldn’t admit that maybe I was wrong for rushing to sign the papers to divorce him.

I was hurting for my dead son and baby daddy.

I never gave him the chance to fully express his pain to me too.

“I’ll come back by tonight and spend some time with him. If it’s late, I may stay. I’ll make sure to stay out of your way. Tell your mama to cook me some of that cabbage she cooks with the sausage and shrimp in it.”

“I can cook it.”

“Nah, I said tell your mama.”

“Aight,” I back away and let him leave.

While my mama was tending to Kani. I showered and laid down to rest. Between breasting feeding, pumping, and trying to make sure I ate enough so I could produce milk was draining.

Bags were under my eye, my hair wasn’t combed, and my stomach was hurting from the incision.

All I wanted was to be back to normal self again so I could get back to work and feel like a woman again.

Right now, I was depending on everyone to help me and the shit was starting to get on my nerves.

I was thankful but I wanted my life back if that was too much to ask.

By the time I woke up from what I thought was a nap, it was nighttime outside and I could hear my mama laughing and talking loud.

I got up to use the restroom and make myself look halfway presentable.

Lucky was feeding Kani while my mama cleaned the kitchen.

She did exactly what Lucky wanted her to do.

At least their relationship was working out better than ours.

“I got your plate ready for you,” my mama unwrapped it to warm it up. “I didn’t want to wake you up because you need all the rest you can get after that surgery. Your body needs to heal.”

“I’m fine. If you’ll watch the baby for a few hours, I may go and see how the shop doing.”

“No hell you won’t. Kani two weeks old and you just had a fuckin’ C-section. Fuck that shop,” Lucky stated.

“Why does it matter to you Lucky? As Long as I take care of your son, my well-being doesn’t concern you.”

“You right.”

“Can y’all both stop that in front of the baby.

Now, no you will not go to the shop. I’m old school and you will be in this house for eight weeks.

I don’t care how much you think you feel better.

Rest is the only thing that’s going to help.

I’m here to take the baby off your hands so you can take care of you.

But this mess between the two of you needs to be worked out.

I know what it’s like to love someone and hate them at the same time.

Nothing good comes from it and the only ones that suffer are the kids.

My grandson will not suffer because of y’all. Fix the problem and move on.”

Lucky watched me as I sat down to eat my food. My mama grabbed the baby and left out of the kitchen.

“I ain’t trying to be mean but you cannot go back to that barbershop until I find out who tried to rob you. I shut the whole shop down ain’t nobody there.”

“You did what?” I dropped my fork.

“I shut that bitch down. Ain’t nobody safe up there.

Your cousin got gunned down trying to protect you and did it work?

That shop is right in the middle of the hood and the night you needed protection nobody saw shit.

That’s very fuckin’ convenient ain’t it?

You from the hood so put your thinking cap on and think about that.

I was your husband at the time so I could make those type of business calls. ”

“What am I supposed to do for money.”

“The safe. You don’t have to work a day in your life again as long as you got my son.

Do I want you to stay home? No, because I fell in love with the hustler inside of you.

All I want you to do is take care of our son and take care of yourself.

When it’s time for you to go back on your grind, I’ll let you know. ”

“I thought you ain’t give a fuck about me.”

“I’ll always love and care for you I just can’t get my feelings wrapped up in your ass no more.

You full of shit when it comes to love and I really don’t think you know how to love anyone.

You do great with my son but as far as it comes to loving a nigga, you don’t know how.

You push me away even when I’m trying to make shit right.

It fucks with a nigga ego and make me feel like I’m not enough. To avoid that shit, I keep it pushing.”

“So, there’s no other woman?”

“Nope. A nigga jacks his dick to some of our old videos and shit. I really love you and when the right woman comes along, then I’ll let you know.”

“Just like that huh?”

“What, if I meet someone that will possibly be around my son you should know about it and I expect you to do the same.”

“I don’t want you to hate me for my decision. What would have done if the shoe was on the other foot?”

“I’m a different breed. I’ll hear you out first. You never did that until I made you and even after you still wanted the divorce. Now that I gave it to you, you acting like you regret it. Do you?”

I didn’t answer him. Instead, I threw my food away and went to my bedroom and cried myself to sleep.

Lucky was gone when I woke up the next morning.

My mama was asleep when I went in to check on the baby.

He was stirring in his sleep, so I went ahead and grabbed him so my mama could rest. She jumped anytime he made a noise.

While Kani was attached to my breast, I made me a quick bowl of oatmeal and sat down on the sofa to watch some television.

“The family of Mekhi Washington has concerns about his killer. After three years, the story is starting to unfold of what happened that tragic day someone took the life of Mekhi and his son Kason Washington,” the news anchor said.

My heart started beating so fast when his family popped up on the screen.

“We know someone knows what happened that day. All the cameras were tampered with so we couldn’t get footage, but someone has come to us with some information that we’ve passed along to the police department. Khi will get his justice.”

My doorbell went off, sending a chill down my spine. It was just a little after nine in the morning and the only people that knew where I lived was family. Grabbing a blanket to cover my son, I walked to the door, but my mama beat me to it.

“Why the police out here?” She asked before opening the door.

“I don’t know mama.”

“Good mornings were looking for Blessyn…”

Before he could finish my mama was asking questions.

“What you want with her? She just had a baby,” My mama asked.

“We just have a few questions and we’ll be out of her way. We’re aware of the baby.”

My mama looked back at me, and I nodded my head for her to let them in.

“What is this about?”

“It’s about your boyfriend Mekhi. We got a tip on our hotline that you may know who murdered him.”

“Who would say some shit like that? You do know my son got gunned down that day too, right? It wasn’t just Khi.”

“Yes, ma’am we know and that’s why we’ve opened the case again. The family is really concerned that you somehow had an encounter with the killer.”

“I’m not sure where you’re going with this. Why would I encounter someone that killed my child?”

“I’m not sure but we are following all leads. They are adamant that you know something. We don’t want to pressure you but we would like to have a sit down with you so we can get your side of the story of what happened that day,” the detective told us.

“Can’t you pull old records. She gave you all she had that day. I don’t want my daughter to have to relive this shit.”

“We understand but this is an open investigation, and we need her to understand that if she doesn’t come down, we’ll have to take her on as a suspect.”

“Get out of my house. I would never hurt the people I love. It’s been three goddamn years, and you go off a fucking tip a bitch gave you.

Then stand here while I’m feeding my son and tell me I’m a goddamn suspect.

Do whatever you wanna do but I’ll be damn if I come down and freely talk to y’all about shit.

I buried both of them three years ago without any fucking family’s help. Tell them to kiss my ass too.”

As soon as they walked out the door and my mama locked it. I handed her my son and rushed up to my room to grab my phone. Lucky was usually up by now and all I need was for him to answer the phone.

“Yo.”

“I don’t know what you need to do but you need to disappear for a minute.”