Page 19

I was staring down at that stick for what seemed like hours. There was no way a baby was living inside of me with all the alcohol I consumed while in Miami. What the hell was I going to do with a baby? I was cool with getting married, but it was too soon for me to carry a child. I lost two already.

“Blessyn it’s not the end of the world. I already know what the fuck you’re thinking, and I want you to stop it right now. This is good for you. You got a new nigga and now a baby. It’s like you’re getting back everything that was taken from you,” my sister said.

That was easy for her to say. My son’s sixth birthday was coming up and I couldn’t deal with the thought of having another child.

Maybe the test was wrong. If I was pregnant that meant I had to get pregnant immediately after we started fucking.

I was so careless and enjoying the sex that I never thought about the consequences.

“Blessyn, seriously get your shit together. We both pregnant but at least you have help.”

“Can you stop saying that. I’m here to help you. I’ll be your baby daddy. In the meantime, I need to take my ass home and face mine.”

I hugged my sister and walked out the door in a daze.

After losing my son and having a miscarriage I vowed to never get pregnant again.

Really, I vowed to never get in a relationship but here I was with broken promises to myself.

I was so glad that Lucky wasn’t home when I pulled up.

Since we made things official, I spent majority of my time at his house.

Every time I would talk about going home, he would get clingy and beg me to stay.

My head was spinning, and I could use this time to think this shit through about how I was going to tell him.

As soon as Lucky walked in the door, he scooped me up and sat me on the kitchen counter.

The nigga was so affection and clingy when he was home with me.

Always kissing and touching on me. It was cute and I loved to be wanted.

I just hoped we weren’t going through the new couple phase and then the shit die after a few years of being together.

“What your fine ass been up to today?” He asked as he kissed my neck.

“I went and talked with my sister and found out I was about to be an auntie.”

“See ain’t you glad you took your ass over there. Ain’t nothing like sibling love.”

“Yeah, I am. I really missed her. She got on my nerves, but she was always the highlight of my day.”

“But?”

“Huh?” I looked at him.

“There’s a but in your voice, you just ain’t say the shit.”

“Nothing. It’s just been a crazy day.”

“Nah, it’s something else going on with you. I thought this shit was built off being real?”

He was right. If he was had something to tell me, I would want him to say it. It took me all fucking day to figure out how to say it. The only way I could come up with was to show him, instead of saying it.

“Let me down.” Lucky grabbed me and let me down off the counter. I took the stairs to the bedroom and grabbed the test from my jeans I wore earlier. “Here.”

“This what got your ass in a funk? Man, if you don’t get your ass over here so we can celebrate this shit. I told you I was getting your ass pregnant but wait a minute, I just told you that the other night. How the fuck it happened so fast?”

“I been pregnant stupid. I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, but I believe it was the night you invited me over here in that crotchless fucking outfit.”

“That was a night to remember. I knew I fucked up when I went in you raw. This shit just made my day. Damn sho’ hope it’s a boy first.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn’t want another son. Kj will always be my number one.

“I rather have a girl. Don’t need a little boy running around here acting like you,” I lightened my mood.

“Why are you acting so scared? You don’t seem as excited as I am?”

I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Lucky was it. The body, dick, and a protector but I just wasn’t ready to tell him the pain that I really went through. He wouldn’t understand where I was coming from so, I hid the shit as best as I could.

“You know I got you, right?”

“I’m not worried, just nervous.”

Lucky was supposed to come to the doctor with me but I begged him to let me do the first visit by myself.

The reason being is because of the questions they asked on the first visit.

This was my third pregnancy, and I didn’t want him to know that.

I told him I never had kids when we first met.

Who would’ve thought a one-night stand would bring us to a full relationship?

“Okay, so it looks like you’re about sixteen weeks if I’m correct. You know with everything you’ve been through; I need you to really keep your stress levels down,” my doctor told me.

“About that, the father of my child will be coming with me to my appointments. Could you not mention any of that? I don’t want to relive that part of my life and he doesn’t know about it. I just want to keep it confidential.”

“Yes, I can do that for you. No long hours at the shop though,” the doctor said.

“I’ll adjust my schedule.”

“I’ll see you in four weeks and we can see what you’re having.”

I got my appointment and called to update Lucky before I headed to pick Merci up.

She was finally ready to sit down with our parents so we could talk.

We both had to tell them we were pregnant so I thought it would be the perfect time to talk shit out.

I made her ride with me over there so she couldn’t run away if things didn’t go her way.

I watched as she walked to my car. She didn’t look like she was pregnant at all, and I was blowing up every morning I woke up.

“Hey, bitch.”

“Wassup? I see you’re happy today. What done happened?”

“Nothing, I’m just in a good damn mood. What’s wrong with that?”

“Oh okay, nothing's wrong with it. When are you coming back to work?”

“I’m not coming back up there. I’ll be going to get my shit, but I’ll be doing hair out of my condo. Being around Perc right now isn’t a good idea. That nigga hates my fucking guts.”

“If he knew that was his baby, he would feel different.”

“I don’t need you telling him anything. And I for sure don’t need you talking to his brother ‘bout me either.”

"Heifer, I don’t sit around and tell your business to Lucky. I’m just telling you like you told me. Ain’t no need in hiding or lying.”

“I don’t want to talk about his ass right now. Let me bask in this happiness before we pull up to mama house. I got a bad feeling about this shit.”

I hadn’t spoken to my daddy in a while. The last few times I came to spend time with my mama he wasn’t there.

I just thought it was because they were mad, or he was on the block gambling.

My daddy was in his mid-fifties, but he looked like he was forty.

He was a good-looking ass nigga and the young bitches still tried him up when he was on the block.

His downfall was his gambling. That’s all I seen when I was younger.

They hid everything else from us. As soon as I pulled up, her attitude changed.

I wasn’t here to take no one's side. Merci was pregnant and emotional, so she was the one that I was going to support. She was my best friend and after all this shit was said and done, it was going to be me and her to the end. I didn’t give a fuck about my daddy other children.

They could kiss my ass. I shut the car off and Merci sat there for a moment before she finally got out.

“You better pray they don’t piss me off,” she got out slamming the car door.

“Merci, it’s going to be fine. Let’s hear what they gotta say.”

My daddy was sitting in the living room smoking when we entered. He put his cigarette out and got up from his chair to greet us. He hugged and kissed us both.

“Where’s mama?” I asked.

“She’s coming. You know how she is.”

I took a seat on the sofa and waited for her.

Merci sat on the edge of the sofa until I yanked her so she could get comfortable.

My mama finally walked in the living room and sat down.

Silence filled the room. It’s like we all were just waiting to feel each other out.

The only thing that could be heard was the chain on the ceiling fan hitting the lightbulb.

As a child, I thought my life was all together and now as an adult, I can’t even get the people I love the most to have a conversation.

“I’ll start by saying that me and Merci are both pregnant. I’m sixteen weeks and I’ll be married before the baby gets here,” I blurted.

“You pregnant?” My daddy leaned up in his chair. “Are you sure you need to be having a baby so soon?”

“What you mean so soon? It’s been almost three years since I miscarried. Kj would’ve been six in the next two days.”

“Merci, what about you? You pregnant from that wild ass boy that work up to that shop with yo sister? That nigga ain’t ‘bout shit!”

“You have no idea what you talking about. You on the outside looking in. And how the hell you gonna tell me who ain’t no good?” Merci snapped.

“Watch your mouth,” my mama told her.

“Go ahead and have the baby and see what I tell you. You think that shit gone make that nigga wanna be with you?”

“Daddy, we are not here to be chastised. We all make our own money, and we don’t ask you and mama for anything. Merci has money to take care of her own child with or without the father. If she needs something, then she can come to me,” I told him.

He didn’t say anything else. I just wanted him off her case before she exploded.

“Mama, I brought Merci here so y’all can talk. With her being pregnant I think it’s some things that need to be said.”

“Merci, I’m sorry for everything you had to go through because of me.

I never thought about how it was going to affect you.

I’m excited that you’re pregnant and I just want to start over with you.

You know I love you, but I wasn’t loved growing up so it was hard for me to give it sometimes.

With your sister, she was tough, so she didn’t need as much attention as you.

I know now that I had to love y'all different. If you would let me, I would like to be a part of your life again.”

Merci was crying so hard my mama got up and pulled her in for a hug. My daddy was not himself today. He was usually not so moody so now my focus was on him.

“Daddy, who are your other children?” I asked.

“What?”

“Your other children? Who are they?”

He looked at my mama and then back at me. “So, I guess your mama telling our secrets now.”

“Ain’t no secrets. Don’t you see what secrets did to our kids? It’s time to stop lying and fix the shit that we fucked up in this family,” my mama said.

“I would like to meet them. When you ready, let me know.”

“Lil’ girl what you’re not going to do is tell me what to do. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have a barbershop or any clients.”

“Daddy, I’m going to blame a bad gambling game on your attitude. I’m not going to take it personal. You can tell me or I’ll go around asking. Merci and I deserve to know who our sibling is.”

“Y’all don’t have any outside siblings. That was your mama’s way of making me look like the bad guy.”

“What you talking about?” I asked.

“I’m not your daddy either, Blessyn.”