Page 98 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

What I didn’t know was that he’d be there, too.

What I didn’texpectwas to find my wife wrapped around my best friend. It stirs something inside me. Jealousy, desire.Her legs wrapped around me. My hand wrapped around his throat.

But it’s something else, too, something I’ve been ignorant of.Maybe she loves him back.

Blanks is still standing in the water, staring at me.

So, I stare right back. Like a fucking old western standoff, my jaw tenses, and his does, too.

“So much for that being the end of it.” I slide my hands into my pockets and crack my neck like I’m ready for a fight.

“Fuck you, Alex,” he says, then starts making his way out of the water and onto the shore.

Standing toe to toe, I want to throttle him. Blanks knows it, too.

“Do it,” he dares me, his nostrils flaring with the taunt.

I want to beat him to a bloody pulp. Push his body out into the lake?—

“You’re a hypocritical son of a bitch, you know that?” He shoves me away and immediately starts pacing. He stops, though, his hand coming up, balling into a fist in frustration.

“You know what?” His fist falls, “I’m done with you.” Some of the tension leaves his voice.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“I mean, I’mdonebeing whoever the fuck I am to you because it’s abundantly clear that to you, I’m no one.”

I scoff, “Sorry, I’m not congratulating you with a pat on the back for trying to fuck my wife.”

“Yeah, well, if all I wanted was to fuck her, it would have happened a long,longtime ago.” He paces some more, stops, then paces again. “Also, calling her your wife is a privilege earned, andyoudon’t deserve it.”

“And you do?” That’s fucking rich.

He starts pacing again, then finally decides. “You know what, yeah. I do fucking deserve it. And so does she.” He puts his fingers to his temple. “Imagine that. Two people who actually deserve each other and could make each other happy. Imagine her husband not having to pray every fucking day that her memory doesn’t come back. Imagine what her life would look like if she had a partner who cared about her even half as much as she did about them. And you know what? Every time Idoimagine it — which isa lot, by the way — Ineverfucking imagine that happening with you.”

“You think you can give her everything she wants then? Is that right?” I ask, feeling the anger and jealousy fueling what I’m about to say.

“Yeah! I do it a hell of a lot better than you already.” He thinks he’s so much better than me.Well, fuck him.

“She wants a family.” The words slip out of my mouth full of venom, harsh and offensive. Then they just hang there between us, festering. He stops his furious pacing and stares at me. Then suddenly, the words are like an anvil falling from the sky, crushing him. Decimating our 20-year friendship.

He sniffles, wiping at his nose.

“God, I can’t believe I was ever friends with you.” Not stopping for the shoes or the shirt he’d thrown off, he turns and walks away from me.

I shouldn’t have said it.

Emma

After drying off and changing quickly, I head for the basement.

His room is empty, so I sit on his bed and wait. I bite my fingernails nervously, trying to prepare. Trying to think of what to say. All I can come up with is “sorry.”

Sorry for putting him in that situation. Sorry for acting inappropriately. Sorry for being a shit person. But most of all, I’m sorry for pushing him away.

My eyes pinch closed at the fiery burn in my chest when I recall the memory. The look on his face. It was fucking horrific, and I’d done that to him.

“Angel, open your eyes.” I don’t. I keep them closed.