Page 90 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

“No, I’m fine.” I stare out the window at the snow-covered ground. “Today is Saturday, February first. My name is Emmaline Strait.” Becks startles slightly, and I look at her, as she looks at me with confusion. It takes me more than a normal amount of time to realize the mistake. “Oh, I mean Emmaline Palomino. I-I’m 27 years old, and I currently live in Spearhead Lake, California.” I pause, trying to get a grip on how to say this next part.

“I currently live with Caleb, Alex, and my dog, Delta. And my goal today is to go for a walk outside.” I chew on my lip nervously. “Do I have to go over the whole TBI thing today?” It hurt my heart to have to say it.

“No, not today.” I nod. Becks records my pulse, takes my blood pressure and temperature, then asks if I need help with the restroom. I decline.

When she leaves, I turn to Caleb, who’s staring at me with something I can’t discern.

“I should probably take a shower or something so I can stop looking disgusting.” I look down at my baggy t-shirt. Blanks’s baggy t-shirt that I had worn every other day for a week.

“I don’t think you look disgusting. I don’t think you’ve looked disgusting a day in your life.” I can feel my cheeks warm. I feel warm. Warm…downthere.

We stare at each other, something left unsaid by both of us.

“I’m gonna run you a bath, okay?” I nod as he leans into me, stealing a kiss on the cheek. “I’m not going anywhere, not without you.”

It’s like a punch to the gut. Feelings flood back that I wasn’t aware had been there. But here they are, the nearly overwhelming flood of affection crashing into me. Shaking me.

Where is it coming from?And why do I suddenly want him? I should feel ashamed,beashamed.

My brows are drawn together in confusion and wonder because once the feeling breaks free, it’s all I can think. Idohave feelings. For him. Even uncomfortable ones, dormant no longer.

I mentally gasp.Does it hurt because…I love him?Love is a strong word. I don’t know that these feelings match the definition. But overwhelming and strong nonetheless.

I watch as he walks towards the bathroom, seeing him in a new light. Why does he have to be so hot, and why do I have to be so…me? I follow behind him, watching how he bends over to turn on the water to just the right temperature. He’s barefoot, in jeans and a plain white t-shirt, and I want him to fuck me.

Just like that day, that feels like a lifetime ago, him watching me lose myself on the ledge of this tub. I divert my gaze at the thought. I was a different person then. The old me. Not this version that would blow over from a breeze.

Why is he here? Why is he herestill? I want to ask something. It’s on the tip of my tongue to do it when he turns around.

“Want me to help you get undressed?”Yes.

“Umm, no. That’s okay.” He doesn’t move to leave, though.

“I’ll help you get in then.” I want to say yes. I mean, he’s helped me get in and out of the tub no less than ten times already, but looking back, all I feel is shame. Mostly about the way my body looks.

I look worse than Darla Strait did on her worst day, and that’s saying something. I mean, itreallysays something. She was 95 pounds and looked like she’d been rode hard and put away wet.

“It-I should probably get Becks to do it…from now on.”Now that Alex is back.He looks only slightly concerned but leaves without issue, quickly replaced by Becks.

Now Becks is someone who could pull a man like Blanks. Her hair is dark brown, but she dyes the tips teal. She has a figure like an hourglass and big lips that may or may not be courtesy of filler, but it doesn’t matter because she rocks them either way. I would put money on her and Blanks having already fucked.

Good for them.

I drop the t-shirt and my underwear, and Becks helps me step into the tub.

“Can you hand me a razor and shaving cream?” I ask Becks before she leaves, and she hesitates.

“You don’t—you probably shouldn’t—” I shake my head at her attempt to deter me.

“I don’t care if it takes me all day. I need to regain some humanity, Becks. Look at me, okay? No one wants this…” I say it quietly, and she scoffs.

“You’re out of your mind,” but she brings me the razor and cream anyway, leaving me alone.Thank god.

TWENTY-THREE

Alex

I stand outside her bedroom door, waiting for him to exit.