Page 88 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

“It doesn’t matter, Alex. I love you more than whatever it is you’ve done. More than your absence the last few weeks. I will always want you. No matter what. And maybe that makes me a fool…”

I fall to my knees beside the bed. “I-I don’t deserve you, Em. Really-”

“Maybe, but I knowI dodeserve a husband who’s here with me. And if you need my forgiveness for that to happen, then I’m happy to give it. I’m so tired of waking up angry and hurt. Every. Single. Day. So, please. Can we just forgive and forget? Well, I suppose I’ve already forgotten…” She laughs, then sniffles.

“Emma,” I whisper, incapable of finding additional words. Incapable of telling her when she was offering me this gift. “I love you.”

“You’ll tell me when you stop, right?” I would never stop loving her, ever.

“Sure, sweetheart, just don’t expect it to happen soon.” I pick up her hand and kiss the top of it. She eventually lays back down while I stay kneeling beside the bed, holding her hand. Once I think she’s drifted off, I get up to go sleep in the chair.

“Are you coming to bed?” she asks, eyes still closed.

“Of course,” I answer, kicking off my boots, tearing away my shirt, and unbuckling my belt. I get into bed on the opposite side, giving her plenty of space. But as soon as I’m settled, she movesunder the covers and finds me. Her body feels frail against mine, and I hate myself a little bit more because of it.

But it doesn’t matter. I’ll hold her like this as long as she needs. Like she held me.

I brush the stray strands of hair out of her face before placing a kiss on her forehead.I love you.

Then I leave her.

My mind is too busy, my body too restless to continue lying there until she wakes up. So I sneak out of bed to take the dog out and make coffee.

I missed Delta, too.

I throw on the same clothes I wore last night and exit her room as quietly as possible. Again, the main floor is eerily quiet, but when I round the corner to the kitchen, Delta rushes, full of surprise, to see me.

“Hey, boy.” He jumps, licking me, tail wagging, like this is the best surprise ever.

In contrast, Blanks stands on the opposite side of the kitchen island, far less enthused.

“Changed your mind?” he asks, slipping his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Yeah,” I reply.

“Man, must be nice.” I stand up from where I was crouched down to pet Delta.

“Whatmust be nice?”

“It’s just like Amy all over again.” His words nearly send me.

“What’s just like Amy all over again?” I hold my breath.

“You know what,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me. “Guess you changing your mind is my cue to get the fuck out, right?Regardless of the fact that I’ve been the one here, every second of every day.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “You’re the most selfish man to ever live, you know that?” His words are like a vice around my heart.

He walks around the kitchen island to pass me, but I stop him. My hand hits his chest, halting him in his retreat. He looks down at my hand, then back at me. My breathing thick, matching his.

“You should have told me,” I say, gritting my teeth.

“It wouldn’t have mattered even if I did,” he grinds out. I fight back the urge to curl my fist in his t-shirt.

He’s right, though. It wouldn’t have mattered.

“Don’t go,” I tell him, meaning it.

“And why shouldn’t I?” he seethes back. He moves in closer, his face nearly in mine now, my hand still splayed across his chest.

“Mr. Palomino,” Becks says with surprise. “You’re here.”