Page 97 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

He looks stricken, and my gut turns, but my thighs also clamp together.

He starts pushing us to where we can both just barely touch the bottom while still keeping our heads above water. The gentle wake laps at my chin and the tops of his shoulders.

“I have to leave soon.”No.

“You said you wouldn’t leave,” I argue back.

“Come with me.” My stomach bottoms out. The trembling in my hands returns. “He still loves her, and if you could remember, you would know that. If you could remember?—”

“I don’t need to remember, okay?” My voice shakes, undercutting my biting tone. “Trust me, I feel enough as it is. I don’t need to remember the details, too.” I try to pull my hand back, but he won’t let me.

“You do need to remember because the world doesn’t revolve around Alexander-fucking-Palomino, Em. You’re better than someone’s runner-up, alright.”

His eyes darken, boring into me. I want to wrap my legs around his torso. I want to hold onto him. Tight. I want whatever he’s selling.

The feelings I have for him rage beneath the surface, just barely containing themselves. I’m not sure it’s reciprocated, but then there’s the hand entwined with mine, the other hand at my hip pulling me closer, starting to make me feel otherwise.

I shake my head even as my body willingly moves nearer. He’d taken off his shirt before jumping in the water, but his jeans are still on. So reaching my other hand out, I use his belt loopto reel myself in and close the distance. If I take one more step forward, I’ll be forced to tether myself to him or tread to stay afloat.

With his hand gripping me tightly, he pulls me in the last few inches, and like instinct, my legs come up, wrapping around him. His hand comes under my ass, and my chest goes flush against his.

Both of our breathing turns labored as his hand roams beneath the water. Learning the curves that have started returning to my body.

He releases our entwined fingers so he can run one hand up my back and the other around my thighs.

With one hand on his shoulder to keep me vertical, I run my fingers across his chiseled chest. I’ve never been likethiswith him.

He’s held me. I’ve curled up against him on the couch, but we’ve never touched each other before. Not like this. I haven’t been touched like this since…

“Emma!”Alex.My legs quickly retract from Caleb, and I push him away, putting space between us.

I panicked, and now he’s the one looking gutted.

“I’m sorry,” I mouth to him.

He doesn’t say anything back, just pushing a hand through his wet hair. It’s grown out, and the thick, dark locks come right back, dripping in his face. I want to take a step towards him.

I want…I want his hands back on me. But do I want that so badly just because Alex won’t? It’s wrong on every level. And I’m positive I just want what I can’t have.Or, more accurately, what won’t have me.My whole life has been wanting what isn’t mine.

I turn away from him and walk towards the shore, further from Caleb, further from the fantasy, and back to reality.

Back into Alex’s waiting arms. Arms that hug, and gently touch, but never more.

“We don’t have to go.” “We can go,” we both say at the same time. I would laugh if I wasn’t feeling like absolute shit.

Alex runs his hands up and down my arms, trying to warm me. The mountain air is still chilly in the shade in June, and a shiver racks my nearly naked body.

“I don’t know what I was thinking, sorry,” I apologize to him.

He runs a thumb over my lips, pulling my face upwards, “We’re going, okay?”Sure, whatever,is what I want to say because I don’t care anymore. I would go stand in front of his ex, play nice, and pretend to be happy and a devoted wife, all the while knowing Alex would be wishing this was his wedding instead.

I have nothing to say, so I walk around him, squeezing the water out of my hair and grabbing my clothes. I walk back to the house, alone and cold. And I mentally prepare for my trip to hell.

TWENTY-FIVE

Alex

Finding her at the cove was a no-brainer. It’s her sanctuary.