Page 75 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

The sinking feeling in my stomach is an ache, a different kind of gut feeling.Was this really the last time?My heartbeat pounds in my ears to the beat of:can’t-let-go. Can’t-let-go. Can’t let go.

She comes up, leaning in, staring at my mouth.God, I fucking love her.

The hand around my neck tightens and squeezes, and my heart beats for her. Only her.

Again.Won’t-let-go.I’ve come so far, but one look, one touch, is all it takes for me to fall back into the depths of hell with her.

And then, her lips are on mine.

The kiss is ravenous on both sides. Pushing and pulling. I groan when she bites my lip, and she moans when my tongue slides against hers. I pull her in tighter, dropping Delta’s leash so I can pick her up.Why am I picking her up?Reason has fled. All that’s left is her. Her chest pressing against mine, her lips on mine, her hands on me.

She wraps both legs around me, never relinquishing my mouth. Then I’m guiding her back and up against a tree, and she’s pushing her pelvis against mine. How far is this going to go? How far do Iwantthis to?To the ends of the Earth.

“Fuck,” I pull away to mutter, shaking my head.What are we doing?

“Please don’t stop,” she begs me. But I do. I ease away, dropping her legs back to the forest floor.

“Fuck!” I turn towards the lake to shout. I’m not yelling at her; I’m shouting at the world. At myself. How could I do this?To Emma?

Delta barks at me. The dog is wondering the same fucking thing.

“Why did you do that, Jess?” I ask quietly, fighting back tears over what I just ruined. It wasn’t just her, though. “No, don’t answer that.” I hold a hand up. “It’s my fault, too.” I start pacing in the small clearing. Running my hands through my hair, pulling on it tight.

“You love me,” she whispers.No shit.I look at her, inhaling deeply, my nostrils flaring, tears pooling in my eyes. I want to yell at her.Of course I do!

“Alex…” she says in a tone that wrecks me. Ruins me. She reaches for me...and I don’t have the will to walk away.

She palms my face and pulls me down to her. In theory, she might be the one guiding this, but I’m an active participant. I place my hands on her hips, remembering the feel of her. I revel in it.

She feels the same. But I’m different. And at the same time, I’m not. I would always be this version of me with her. There’s no denying it.

Our mouths come together again, only marginally less violently than before. Both of us just desperate for more.

The need formorefeeling. She nips on my lip.

Moreskin. She sheds her sweatshirt and runs her hands underneath my shirt, her palms warm against my abdomen.

Morepressure. My cock is hard and wedged between us, the friction never enough with the layers of clothing.

Moretime. There isn’t any, this would be it. All we would have.

Jess starts unbuckling my belt, and my breath speeds up, our mouths clashing.She unwraps her legs from around me, neverletting my mouth go, and she’s pushing her leggings down. I close my eyes, fighting against my baser instincts, but lose the battle. I wouldn’t not do this. Not in any version of this story. Not in any other universe. Because I would always be this Alex with her.

She frees me from my boxer briefs, and I lift her again, her cunt lining up perfectly with me. I walk her back to the same tree, pushing her against it as I slide in. With the motion, it’s like going back in time.

“God, Alex,” she whispers softly, grinding her hips, willing me to move. So I do. I watch her with open eyes as I fuck her, words warring in my head the whole time.

I hate you.

I love you.

I’ll never get enough of you.

She says my name quietly, but her eyes stay closed. I need her to open her eyes, to look at me. See me.

But this is our game.

I won’t ask. Instead, I’ll set her up for tasks she’ll always fail. And when she hurts me, it’ll be just another tick in a column against her.