Page 46 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

“Nothing.” It’s the truth. They asked about Emma a couple times, and I told them the truth.She’s busy with summer courses.“Well, except for Connie. He knows you moved out.” I don’t need Brit feeling sorry for me that while I’m getting a divorce, Jess and Damian are planning a wedding. That news had been fun to navigate. Having Delta helped. Made sure I got out of bed, forced me outdoors. Eventually, it started to feel like whoever Jess is isn’t someone I know anymore.

“About that…” She trails off. We haven’t gotten divorced. It’s also only been a few months since she moved out. I wasn’t even thinking about it, to be honest. “Do you want to get divorced?” The answer is clear to me.No. But that was me being a selfish fuck. I know.

What I say instead is, “Whenever you’re ready or want to, just say the word.” It isn’t an answer, but I don’t see the rush. Maybe we wouldn’t work out right now, but who’s to say it wouldn’t eventually? Emma and I were good partners at the end of the day. We have similar interests. We like the same things. We click together.

“Okay,” it comes out quieter than I would have liked.

The impulse to tell her I miss her is there. To ask if she would think about making this hanging out thing regular. I want to take her face in my hands, kiss her, and say,“I love you. I want youto be happy.”Not that we kiss; hadn’t since that first day, nine months ago.

Instead of doing any of that, we sit, eating in silence. When Milton starts whining, she suggests a walk.

“Let’s do it.” I would love nothing more. I smile at her, and we grab leashes, but before we walk out the door, I pull her in for a hug.

Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I put a hand in her hair to bring her closer. Her hands are on my back, bracing me, and we stand, breathing each other in. As I drop a kiss on her forehead, Delta barks.Jealous fucker.

We both laugh and smile, then head out the door.

THIRTEEN

Emma

october

Rob

Something came up tonight. Raincheck, okay?

Emma

Sure!

Rob and I met at the gym. Both of us regulars on Wednesday nights. He has a daughter named Jade, and he’s maybe a little younger than Alex but older than me. He’s attractive in a different way. His nose is crooked, and he isn’t ripped like my husband. But when someone is nice and can make you laugh, they immediately become a ten.

I don’t know why he canceled on me, but I realize I’m only disappointed that I’m notactuallydisappointed. It’s obvious I wasn’t that interested in dating him, but I was willing to try. He seemed normal, and again, he could make me laugh. A normal life with someone who can make you laugh doesn’t seem so bad.

What does seem bad is being stood up for the second time in a row. Once is a fluke, twice has me wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

I’m already dressed and ready to go, though. I mean, there’s still a few hours before the game starts… Knowing I’ll probably regret this, I send him a text.

Emma

I know it’s last minute, but I have tickets to the State game tonight. Wanna go?

It’s truly a shot in the dark. If Alex doesn’t want to go, I doubt I’ll go alone. There’s no use fighting traffic and crowds when I probably have a better view of the game at home. Not that I’ll watch it.

The smarter play would have been to invite Sarah to come with me, but the thought of her bringing chia protein balls to snack on for tailgate is a turn-off. Not that her chia protein balls are crap. They’re tolerable, but I was hoping to go all in on the experience. Beers, BBQ, shenanigans. I’ve never been to a college football game before.

And the last time Alex and I hung out, it was fine. Good. Better than good.

It reinforced what I already knew: I miss him. I’m not proud of that.

The first 20 minutes were awkward, but once we were outside, walking the dogs, it was the same as before.Before, he reminded me that he was still in love with someone else. Before he crushed me.

We talked about my course schedule and the four people I now knew. That number didn’t include Rob. I left Rob out of the equation on purpose.

He told me about adopting Delta and how they’re working on building up to a long backpacking trip. He even shared a picture of Delta wearing his own pack. God, it was so fucking cute.

He’s cute. And I loved seeing him love something unconditionally and have the love returned. He deserves it. Regardless of what happened between us, I still think he’s a good man.