Page 60 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

Ihatethis. I’m on the verge of leaving to walk the trails in search when Delta’s bark draws my attention up to Emma, who looks like she’s been crying.

“What’s wrong?” I jog to her, taking her face in my hands, checking to see if she’s hurt, but she kind of pushes my hands away. And there’s that gut feeling telling me something’s wrong. “Tell me, please?” I plead with her because my chest aches to see her like this.

“You brought me here to hurt her, didn’t you? At least in the first place, that’s why you needed a wife, right?”

I take a step back at her words. The short answer is yes.

So I tell her the truth. “Yes.”

“I figured as much…” She lets out a shaky sigh. “I had no clue she was your sister’s best friend. No wonder she hates me.” She sniffles.

“Did Brit say something?” I ask, wondering how she knew.

“You know, I saw her that night at Coltons. While you slept in my room. Blanks took me to get food, and she was there.” My hackles rise; not sure where this would go. “Jesus, she was the prettiest person in the whole fucking place. And she wasdying, Alex. For you. She was a dead woman walking. And I had no clue it was her. She called me Cinderella, you know?” She laughs through the tears. Not a happy laugh.

“I sort of thought she was deranged, but she was just in love with you, which maybe, that’s the greatest sickness of all.”Ouch.

“What are you talking about, Em?” Hate every second of this.

“Do you really think you could be happy with second best?” She asks, and the flames in my chest erupt.

“Is that what you think?” I ask.

She motions up and down her body, sniffles, and says, “I mean, look at me. I’m about to be 27 years old, and I havenothing to show for it.AndI’m damaged goods. I wore a dress from the thrift store to our wedding. It was 29 dollars, Alex!”

“You are not second best.” I grind out my words. “Does what I said to you this morning mean nothing to you?”

“I just don’t know if I can believe it…” she says back quietly, eviscerating me.

“When I’m with you, Emma, I don’t say a single thing I don’t mean. I always tell you the truth, even to my own detriment. Even when it hurts, I tell you the truth. I don’t just love you, Emma; I’m in love with you. And I didn’t even want to be! But how the fuck was I supposed to not fall in love with you? Huh?”

Her eyes go wide at my confession, but I keep going. “I slept in your bed with the dog for three months. That’s how much I missed you. Fuck, when I got Delta, the first thing I thought was: Emma would love him. I’m always thinking aboutyou. I’m thinking about you first, not second. When I wake up, first thing, I wonder what you’re doing. I wonder if you’re happy. I wonder if I could make you happy.”

“And today, I was thinking how fucking proud I am that you’re mine. And that you gave me something, and I have nothing to give back to you. Except to tell you I love you.”

“Fuck! And then I think about your family, and I want to burn the world down.Foryou!” She listens, just taking a large gulp.

“I don’thavetodoanything, Emma. But I choose you. This is all a choice, you know. You could leave at any time. I could go too. You told me to tell you if I ever stopped wanting this, and have I told you that?”

Her answer is hesitant, “No.”

“Give it a chance, Em. Please.” I grab her face in my hands, clearing the tears where I can.

“Please, Alex, just please promise the second you don’t want this anymore, you’ll tell me? I can’t live with a question hanging over me.”

“I promise,” I mean it. If that’s her one ask, I can respect that. She nods and wipes the rest of the tears away.

“Okay.” She starts to walk around me, but I grab her hand and stop her.

“It goes both ways, Em. You have to promise me because you could stop wanting this too.”

“I promise,” she says.

I cook dinner so she can finish reading, then bring a plate to her in the living room.

“Thanks,” she gives me a tired smile to go with it.

I go back to the table to give her space, but she joins me a minute later.