Page 71 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

“I visited him in prison.”

“You did?” Picturing Alex visiting that man all alone breaks my heart.

“He was sober, and he apologized. I asked if he called Brit and apologized to her too…” I forget that Brit, with her happy, healthy, jovial family, came from that fucked up mess too. I feel slightly more sympathetic to her inability to be nice to me. Not that she hadn’t been nice tonight. She had. She even gave me a birthday gift. Surprisingly.

“He told me she was probably better off not knowing him. So I got up and left and never looked back.” Wow.

“He couldn’t own up to his mistakes in the end, and I had no interest in a relationship. It’s easy to forget he still exists.”

“He said sorry, though?” I reach over, massaging his neck.

“Yup.”

“Did you believe him?” He inhales deeply, thinking.

He starts shaking his head, then says, “No.”Oh.

“I think that’s my fear. I’ll go see her. She’ll say sorry…but I won’t believe her. OR she won’t say sorry at all. She’ll just brush it under the rug. Like one phone call for the first time in years would be enough to make it all okay. And then it’ll just make me mad. Which would be a setback because I’m done being mad about it. I don’t want to be madagain. I don’t want her to even have that power over me.”

“Some people, baby,” he looks at me, “are irredeemable. And some are just people who have done bad things.” I squeeze his neck tight.

“I hope you know you’re a good man. You know that, right?” I tell him because I want it burned on his brain. I want to tattoo it on his soul. For all the disbelieving he does, or did, that he isn’t worthy, he is. He is so good.

He pulls over to the side of the road, putting the truck in park, and Delta barks at the jolt.

“Come here.” He takes my face in his hands and pours himself into me. A kiss made up of a lifetime of failures but good intentions. I would take it from him any day of the week. No questions asked.

Once we’re home, we get ready for bed. Him at his sink, me at mine.

Afterward, I strip down, leaving my panties but opting for a boxy cropped tee on top. He watches me. And then I watch him undress in turn, leaving only his boxer briefs on.

We come together in bed. His chest to my back.

And I whisper to him, “This was the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“I’m glad,” he whispers back. Eventually I listen to his breathing deepen as his limbs get heavy, and his peaceful slumber pulls me into my own.

NINETEEN

Alex

“Hey!” I call out before she makes it to the door. “Your coffee.” Walking briskly, I pass it off to her with a final kiss goodbye.

“Thanks,” she says quietly.

Since her birthday, things have been fine, but I noticed she’s been even quieter than usual. Stressed maybe? Just tired from school? Still shaken up by her mom’s call?

“What’s wrong?” I stop her with a hand on her arm.

“Would you be mad if I wasn’t here for Thanksgiving?” I sort of shake my head in surprise. That’s not what I expected.

“Umm, no?” She inhales, trying to figure out how to say it.

“I think I’m going to visit her, and well, I don’t have school next week…”

“Okay, do you want me to come with you?” I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to be in the same room as the famed Darla Strait, but if Em needs me there, I will be.

“I actually think I want to go…alone…” She bites her lip nervously.