Page 85 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

I’m revolting.

I try to focus on my breath, on maintaining my calm, but all I want is to throw something heavy into the mirror to shatter the image of who I am. Of what I’ve become.

“Em?” Becks knocks on the bathroom door.

“I’m coming, just a minute,” I try to say back politely while silently sniffing the tears away.

Leaning towards the door, I check in the off chance Blanks and Becks are still in the room, and they are. The faint conversation sounds pleasant. Maybe even fun. He flirts with her endlessly, and I get it; she’s pretty, and he’s stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere against his will.

“Is he going to come back?” I hear Becks ask him. That is the million-dollar question, of course.

I’ve seen Alexander twice since coming “home.” Twice in the last four weeks and none in the last two.

“I don’t know,” I can tell he’s saying it quietly, almost a whisper.

I run my fingers against my lips, feeling them tremble.What is Alex waiting for?

Sometimes, it’s the not knowing that does the most damage. It’s why I always wanted him to tell me if he wanted out. I just want to know where I stand with him.

It’sallI wanted.

My fingers shake as I hold them out in front of me.Naked.I was told they had to cut the rings off sometime after the accident. I haven’t seen them since. I assume they were given to Alex, but maybe they’re lost.

It seems like I’ve lost a lot since the accident.Memories, possessions, abilities, people…

I’m still not allowed use of my phone in the mornings. It tends to just result in debilitating migraines, but once I’m able to, I’ll call. Or maybe text him and let him know I’m fine. Maybe I would lie and tell him I’m better and that I’m leaving.

Yeah, I’ll do that.

I wipe the stupid tears off my cheeks and slip on my robe before opening the door. Thankfully, the two have cleared out, but I still try to think of tasks to keep me in my bedroom. And I fail; it’s useless. I would have to grin and bear another day.

The great room is empty, but hearing voices coming from the kitchen has me on high alert.

“There she is!”Oh, good. Company.

“Hi, Connie,” I reply sheepishly. “Niko,” I nod to the man half sticking out of the fridge.

“Coffee?” Caleb holds a mug out to me, already with cream in it. I’ll never make my own breakfast if he keeps doing it for me. I give him a look of annoyance and accept the cup.

“You have to start letting me do things on my own,” I mumble under my breath as I move past him. His shouldersdrop in disappointment. I’m always grumpy now, which is new for me. But today isn’t going to be the day that being grumpy stops. I know that much already, as everything about this morning seems to set me on edge.

I don’t want to be rude, but I also don’t understand why Connie is here.

“So…” I say awkwardly as I sit at the kitchen island.

“Right, you’re wondering why I’m here.”Ding, ding, ding.Connie takes another mug of coffee and sits beside me.

“I’m always happy to see you, but next time, you’ll need to buy me dinner first.” I give him a wink and a poor attempt at a joke.

Being the gentleman he is, he still laughs.

“Deal. No, I thought maybe we could have a field trip today? Go visit Brit? Go get a pastry at The Grounds? You know, break out of jail for the day?”

As much as I hate it here, the idea of doing any of that feels daunting. I’m already tired, and all I’ve done is walk from the bathroom to the kitchen. The last thing I need is more eyes examining all my deficiencies. Feeling pity for me.

He watches my face fall.

“Or, we could just keep each other company?” He redirects. I give him as much of a smile as I can manage.