Page 2 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

So I start walking faster and further until I’m no longer in view of the bright lights of the strip. I breathe a little easier as I put more space between myself and all those empty people. And then I walk some more.

My body calms, but the pain is still there, thumping against my ribs. Pulsing in my clenched knuckles.

When the well-lit streets turn to dark, empty strip malls and mobile home parks, my walking slows. Because honestly, this is the sort of place that feels like home. It’s not where I want to be, but it’s comfortable. I’m used to it.

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I focus on putting one foot in front of the other because if I stop, it feels like the intrusive thoughts might swallow me whole.

‘Don’t call me.’Jess’s voice.

“Hey!” The haggard shadow shouts at me from an alley. I turn and look, but keep walking because if I stop walking, something bad will happen. I know it. I canfeelit.

‘Don’t text me.’

If I stop walking, it’ll be because I’ve found myself in a pawn shop, staring down at a case of firearms.

Fuck, this sort of actualization was new for me.

‘Don’t come see me.’

I just want it to stop — all of it.

My hands shake, and I slip them into my pockets while I walk. I keep walking until the faintest hint of purple lightens the eastern sky, birthing a new day. Another day, I realize I have zero interest in sticking around to see the end of.

I fight back tears that are trying to well, but…fuck this.Fuck all of it.

It wouldn’t be the worst thing if I were gone. No one needs me. People don’t depend on me. The few I care about would all be fine. Blanks would be fine. Wouldn’t even need a fucking funeral because who would show? Five people, at most?

I would make sure there’s no funeral. No one should be allowed to mourn me in some public display like I’m some fucking hero. I’m not anybody’s hero. Don’t want to be. I’m a fucking monster.

My loose strings are few. I need to make sure Jess’s trust is set. And then, yeah, I could disappear. Step off the face of the Earth once and for all.

And then the pain would stop.

I don’t know what’s waiting on the other side, but maybe I’ll see Tally again.

Fuck, maybe there’d be nothingness.

A lone tear escapes.

Just want the pain to stop. For it all to stop.

My legs cease moving.

I stop walking.

Because I’m ready.

I stand and watch the sunrise —my last sunrise— standing in the parking lot of a 24-hour diner.

A last meal.Feels kismet.

Emma

“Hun,” Dina’s raspy voice catches my attention. “Take table 19 for me? I need a smoke break.” She scoots past me in the narrow galley, already taking her apron off like the answer is obvious. It is, of course. They all know I’ll say yes. Everyone who works at Eddie’s knows this. I’ll take any shift, any table. All they have to do is ask. Does that mean they all take advantage? Also yes.

“Sure, just, uh, drop this off at table six on your way out?” I pass her a newly filled ketchup bottle, and she doesn’t so muchas smile or say anything in thanks. God, she’s fucking bitter.You’re welcome.

“George, it’s been 13 minutes on the onion rings for table five,” I press the only line cook, not also on a smoke break. He looks at me, rolls his eyes, then pushes off the counter and drops a basket in the deep fryer.I hate it here.