Page 86 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

“I’d love to hang out, thanks.”

Connie nods at Blanks.Right. Shift change.My babysitters need a break.

There’s always someone here. If it isn’t Blanks, it’s Brit, or it’s Carly or Sandy. Or some other proxy for Alex. But never Alex.

I stare straight ahead as conversation picks up around me, zoning out on the far wall of the mudroom. Like a one-way ticket to hell, the gilded invitation catches my eye.

“Do you want some eggs?” Caleb’s hand on my back startles me, a chill racking my whole body.

“That would be really nice, thanks.” I shift on the stool, grappling with the feeling of impending doom, blanketing me, then weighing me down. “You know what? I actually think,” I sway slightly as I stand, “I think I need to go back to bed. I’m so sorry,” I apologize, feeling the tears start.

Then Becks is right beside me, helping me walk.

I just need to go back to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

“Why did you do all this for me? He asked. I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.” The sound of a page turning draws me towards consciousness. “You have been my friend, replied Charlotte. That in itself is a tremendous thing.”

I open my eyes to find Connie sitting in the armchair in my room, reading. Aloud. To me.

“She rouses,” he beams. There’s nothing for me to say, and I feel incapable of pretending, so I lie here, doing nothing.

“This was one of Alex’s favorite books,” he holds up a battered copy of Charlotte’s Web. “I actually bought him this one. Even signed it in the front.” He sort of flips through the book.

“Connie,” I stop him. “Alex doesn’t want to be with me anymore.” He starts to protest, but I won’t let him. “Can you just tell him that it’s okay? Tell him for me?”

“I don’t think that’s very true,” Connie placates me.

“It doesn’t matter that you or me, or whoever else, doesn’twantit to be true. It is. And I’d like to leave here, but as long as I’m stuck in this purgatory, I’ll never get better. So just tell him. Okay?”

Connie nods once. “When would you like me to do that?”

“Today, please.” I continue lying there, staring at the ceiling.

I hear his gentle sigh, and then the light taps as he types a message on his phone.

A moment later, a ping rings out.Definitive.

“What does it say?” I whisper.

“It says,” Connie pauses, “all it says is ‘okay.’”

Okay.“Thank you. I think I’d like to go back to sleep now.” I close my eyes, feeling the sting of tears.

I hear Connie leave a few moments later, and my eyes reopen. I roll to face the window, watching as flurries fly past the pane. It doesn’t take long before my eyes flutter and close. And in my dream, I dream of him and the life I always knew we’d never have.

TWENTY-TWO

Alex

Connie

Enough is enough. You need to come home, or the best thing that’s ever happened to you is going to leave.

A

But what if I’m the worst thing thats ever happened to her?

Are you trying to make it true?