Page 45 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

The plain door opens to a modern space. White painted walls, all white or light wood furniture, but there’s still pops of color. Bright art, a purple throw blanket, a huge bouquet of wildflowers in a turquoise vase on her coffee table. It’s very Emma, yet somehow she still doesn’t belong. Not here, at least.

“You’ve done a lot.” I look around the space.

“It’s been three months now…” Yeah, it has. An awkward silence falls over the room.

“Do you mind if I let them off their leashes?”

“Oh my gosh, of course, please.” She immediately bends down to help Delta off leash while I do Milton’s.

With the dogs loose, I pull off my backpack and set it down on a chair to get out the bag of pastries, dog bowls, and treats.

“Look at you. You’re like a real dog dad.” She laughs as she watches me pull out a water bottle to fill the travel bowls. I look up at her from where I’m crouched down and smile.

Her cheeks turn pink, and she whips around to start moving the pastries out of the bag and onto a plate.

I watch as she goes on her toes to reach for glasses off a shelf. Her legs are toned and tan, and I can’t help running my eyes up and down her body. Fuck, I miss those limbs tangled with mine at night.

“So I want to hear about…everything.” The house is considerably quieter without her nightly anecdotes about professors or lab partners she can’t stand. There are no clanging pans in the kitchen in the evenings. No one to make blackberry pancakes for. I mean, except for Delta, who eats better than I do.

“Okay, like what?” She laughs, nervously pushing a piece of hair behind her ear as she takes a seat, pushing a chair towards me to do the same.

“Well, where are you working?” I think I choose the most basic question first, but she has to think about it like she’s debating not telling me.

“The library, on campus.” I nod.

“You know, you don’t have to work. If you need money–” She raises her hand up to stop me.

“I don’t, but I can’t be alone that much. It’s not healthy for me. Work helps. I know…” I watch as she counts them off in her head, “Four more people now.” The awkward laugh comes again. “I haven’t made any friends, but this way, I at least have people to talk to.” God, just a fucking dagger to the chest. I’ve never wanted to hug someone so bad in my life.

“When I’m not at work, I’m in class or studying. And then I joined a rock climbing gym. And Sarah, the next-door neighbor, roped me into doing pilates a couple times a week. So, I think that pretty much covers everything.” Her life sounds full, but somehow, she still seems empty.

“Are you happy?” I ask. Her sort-of-smile fades. We both look at each other for nearly a whole minute.

“You know we’re basically the same person, Alex,” she says, looking away. “So I’ll ask you the same. Are you happy?” She picks at invisible lint on her shorts.

I opt for the truth. “I was happier when you were there.”

She does the same, “I was too.”

It seems like a no-brainer; we’re happier together, but I also know I’ll likely hurt her again.

And again.

Eventually, she digs into the almond croissant I got her.

“So, how long have you had Delta now?” The dog trots over at the mention of his name, and she rewards him with pets.

“Two months.”

“You should’ve led with that when you called! I can’t believe I’ve missed out on two months of puppy! Do you have pictures?”I smile, knowing I definitely should have led with Delta, but that would have been playing dirty.

It still might be too soon for us.

“Of course.” I hand over my phone, already open to the folder in photos dedicated to my dog.

“Wow, CT is getting big,” she says as she swipes through the photos, stopping at the one of Delta and my sister’s dog, Luna, chasing around a crawling CT.

“W-what’d you tell your family? About us?” She looks up, passing the phone back to me.