Page 59 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

Once I can finally shut the door, I lean back against it. The inside of the house doesn’t feel warm and cozy anymore. It feels cold and empty. I head to the mudroom to grab a jacket and beanie when the flashy invite hanging on the pinboard catches my attention.

Mrs. and Mr. Palomino are cordially invited to the wedding reception for Damian Scott and Jessica DiAngelo.

Is this why he wants me back?I finger the edge of the invite on handmade paper, feeling envious of everything she is and I’m not. My wedding…was laughable in my thrift store dress.Jesus. All I have to show for the day is a photo, singular…and I don’t even have it. I know they took one photo, but I’ve never seen it.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this sort of misery. I hang my head against the wall and fight the urge to cry because I gavehim the only thing I had of value. I told myself he wouldn’t hurt me. I told myself I was doing this for the money.Lies.

I’m an idiot.

“You wanna go for a walk, Delta?” I call the dog, not realizing he’s never left my side. “You’re such a good boy. Let’s walk.” I slip his lead on, then head out the mudroom door. We head for the clearing and straight to the hidden cove pathway.

We go nice and slow since it’s been a while since I’ve walked the trail. It’s slightly overgrown, at least compared to the last time I was on it.I wonder if Alex isn’t using it much.

It’s mid-afternoon, and the sun is just past the middle of the sky, sending beams of sunlight shooting horizontally off the damp trees. I inhale the earthen scent, waiting for relief to find me from the turning in my gut. But it doesn’t come.

I wonder what he really thought when I told him I was a virgin?I cringe.

What was he thinking when I told him I was used by dealers?Shame gnaws at my insides.

Maybe he isn’t out getting groceries; instead, he’s running away. I laugh out loud, and Delta looks back at me. I could just picture him at Jess’ house, knocking on the door. Begging for her to take him back.

And then I remember her at Coltons that night. The way she danced like no one was watching. The way she tried to bury her pain in —oh my god— the brothers had been there that night. That’s where I remembered them from.Jesus. Were they all in on it?

Like an arrow straight through the chest, I remember her crying, then laughing hysterically, and how bad I felt for her because she was so obviously dying inside.

She was dying on the inside. And he was dying on the outside.

Alex isn’t dying for me. No one is. It was likely no one ever would.

When we get to the boulder, I don’t climb it to sit and view the lake. Instead, I stand and stare at the spot that I thought wasourhidden world. Where the secrets were spilled, and the bond was forged. I thought I was special.

But I’m just a bandaid.

And she’s the cure.

SIXTEEN

Alex

“Emma!” I call out after hauling in the last load of groceries. She doesn’t answer, so I start unloading, putting the produce and meat in the fridge. Restocking both our favorites, the Red Vines, in the pantry, I smile because she’s back.

“Em!” I call out again, refilling the egg container.

“Delta!” I call, but there’s nothing that answers me back.

I slip out my phone, and press her name, then wait.

Her phone rings in the great room, and I wander over to where she’d been sitting, flipping the blanket back to see “Table 19” incoming call on her screen.

Table 19?

“Emma!” I call again, but it’s silent.

I walk out to the back deck and call for them, but there’s still no reply. Don’t love that she left without her phone even if it was just to walk Delta.

Heading back inside, I pull out the chicken breasts for dinner to start marinating while I wait. But 30 minutes later, I’m still waiting.

I walk out the front door, this time to look around. Calling out, to no response.