Page 101 of Alexander: Alexander's Story

“Emma,” Alex stops me as I turn to leave.

“Yeah?”

He meets me in the hallway, leaving Becks in the dining room.

“About today…” he looks like he’s thinking hard. My heart rate spikes with anxiety. “I’m sorry. I was an ass.” I sort of laugh.

“I’m sorry, too.” He pulls me in for a hug. One that feels extra tight and warm, albeit lacking the sort of sexual tension I’m craving. “We really don’t need to go, Alex. I don’t care about it.”

“Sure, but we’re going to.” He runs a hand into my curls, tugging my head back to look up at him. “I want everyone to see how fucking beautiful my wife is.” Then he brings his lips downto mine. It’s slow and tender, and when I go to deepen it by swiping my tongue against his, he pulls away.

I give him a little frown, and I think he blushes. “Are we okay?” I ask quietly. He doesn’t reply audibly. Instead, he gives me the slightest of head nods. I’ve never felt less okay with him.

“Okay…” I slip out of his arms to leave, but he tugs my hand before I’m completely free.

“I’m going to sleep upstairs tonight if that’s okay? Just haven’t been sleeping great, and I think it’s the mattress.”Bullshit.He sleeps like a baby beside me. I know because I’m the one who hasn’t been sleeping great. I’m also positive it’s the same mattress in both rooms.

“I can sleep upstairs with you if you want?” I offer.

He declines. “No, I don’t want to mess up your routine. I’ll just see you in the morning, baby.” I feel my chest cave in. Maybe Alex and I won’t be moving forward after all.

TWENTY-SIX

Alex

I don’t make it upstairs and into our bed like I said I would. Instead, I drink the night away in my office. Occasionally, I slip into sleep vertically, but altogether, my shut-eye comes in under an hour. Easily.

Less easy has been the fight to stay out of her bedroom. I’ve walked up to the door no less than ten times. I opened it once but stopped myself from looking in. I’m struggling between wanting to make these last days the best we’ll ever have or starting the shift as soon as possible.

I love Emma. That isn’t the question. I don’t think it ever has been. The question is whether we’re right together. Or more so, whether I’m right for her. Whether I’mgoodfor her. A question I debated all fucking night long, still arriving at the same answer as I had yesterday afternoon: I wasn’t goodenoughfor her.

Rubbing the lack of sleep out of my eyes, I take a swig of the rocks glass in front of me, draining it.

At the sound, Delta prances into the office carrying his bone. He sits in front of me, drops his bone, and starts whining.

“I’m gonna miss her too, bud,” I sniff, pulling the stray water droplets back into my eye sockets, refusing myself the release.

I pat him on the head and stand, venturing to the kitchen to find Becks. She’s always up by six, starting the coffee or reading the news on her phone.

“Morning,” she says, more friendly than she’s ever been to me.

“Morning,” I say back, reaching for a mug myself.

She sets down her phone before starting. “I think Emma probably doesn’t need me anymore. I think it’s probably time to terminate my contract.” I tense at her suggestion. That would mean her losing Blanks, Becks (her only friend), and us in a matter of a week.

“Would you be interested in staying on in a different capacity?” I ask, still facing the coffee machine.

“I’m a nurse, Mr. Palomino.” She never could call me Alex.

“Emma might not need you physically…” I sigh. Luckily, she picks up.

“But emotionally?” I nod, turning around to face her.

“She needs someone to drive her still. Take her to the grocery store, that sort of thing.”

“And that couldn’t be you because…?” Becks angles an eyebrow at me.

“I might have to start traveling for work again.”Lie.