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OCTOBER 31, 1991

Lizzie

“B E NORMAL WHEN MY FRIENDS COME OVER ,” C AOIMHE SAID . “D ON’T DO ANYTHING embarrassing, okay?” She turned around to look at me. “No screaming fits or throwing yourself around on the floor.”

I nodded in understanding.

“God.” She shook her head. “I wish you would just speak, Lizzie!”

I shrugged.

“How am I supposed to know you even understand me if you won’t talk ?”

I didn’t like it when I made her mad.

It made me feel bad.

It made my face grow hot.

It made my nails get scratchy.

“No,” Caoimhe warned, attention moving to my scratchy nails. She stood up from her dressing table and walked over to the bed. “You are not allowed to do that.” Crouching down in front of me, she took my hands in hers and looked in my eyes. “You are not allowed to hurt yourself.”

I’m sorry , I wanted to tell her. I don’t know how to make it stop .

Instead, I reached up and touched her cheek.

Her blue eyes started to water. “Please talk to me.” Sniffling, she swept me up in her arms and held me to her chest. “Please, Liz, just one word. I’m begging you.”

I’m trying .