Page 109

I’LL NEVER LET YOU GO UNDER

Lizzie

JUNE 9, 2000

“C AOIMHE? ” I SCREAMED OUT HER NAME, BUT SHE DIDN’T ANSWER ME . S HE DIDN’T OPEN her eyes. “Caoimhe, please—”

“She’s fine.” He fastened the seat belt around my sister’s limp body. “She’s just sleeping.”

“What’s wrong with her?” I wailed, reaching for my sister. “Why does she look like that?”

“Because of him,” he told me, bundling me into the back seat. “He wanted to hurt her. This is his fault, munchkin, and don’t you ever forget it!”

“No, no, no,” I croaked out, feeling my eyes roll as the world spun madly around me. “He wouldn’t hurt her. He’s my friend…”

“He’s not your friend, you stupid, little cunt!” Rounding the car to the back seat, he leaned inside and gripped my face. “He’s a vicious, spiteful, little prick who ruined everything.”

“Stop,” I pleaded, trying to break free of his hold, but it was no use. “Please…”

“He’s your enemy, munchkin, and a dangerous one at that.” Gripping my face so tight, I thought the bones in my jaw might shatter, he leaned in close and hissed, “He’s going to take everything from you.”

“Why?” I cried, reaching between the seats for my sister, desperate to make her wake up. “Caoimhe, please open your eyes.”

“Because he hates your guts.” Pulling a lighter out of his pocket, he began to burn the pages of her journal one by one. “He did this to your sister, he made all this happen with his lies, and he’ll do it again to everyone you love.”

“No!”

“Yes,” he spat, tossing away a singed piece of paper. “Mark my words, munchkin. His lies will take your friends from you like his lies have taken your sister.”

“What are you doing?” I choked out, feeling woozy and disorientated. “Stop burning her journal…”

“Happy birthday.”

The sound of Hugh’s familiar voice startled me, and I blinked myself back to reality to find him sitting on the edge of my bed, holding a small parcel in his hands.

“Hi,” I croaked out, feeling my heart spike at the sight of him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” His brown eyes were full of warmth and affection when he reached for my hand. “How are you feeling?”

Like I want to die . “Not too bad.”

His thumb grazed my knuckles. “Did you sleep last night?”

No, I haven’t been able to sleep since I watched them fish my sister’s lifeless body from the river . “A bit.”

He tucked several strands of matted hair over my shoulder and smiled sadly. “I’ve missed you.”

I knew he did. It was the same for me. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Here.” He thrust the small parcel into my hand. “For you.”

“You didn’t have to get me a gift.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “Just open the box.”

I did and my breath caught in my throat when my eyes landed on the shiny silver inside. “What’s this?”

His cheeks turned red. “It’s an ankle bracelet.”

It wasn’t just an ankle bracelet. It was the most beautiful ankle bracelet I’d ever seen.

I felt my body grow hot as I registered how each individual charm had been carefully selected by my boyfriend.

“The Gemini zodiac sign for your birthday, and the heart represents, well, you know.” He blushed a deeper shade of red. “The book represents the one I know you’re going to write one day, and the pill is so you remember to take yours.”

“The witch’s broomstick?”

His lips twitched. “Because you’re my little witch.”

I smiled. “And the life buoy?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what you told me, about how you’ve always felt like you were supposed to drown,” he explained, carefully clasping the anklet around my left ankle. “Well, I put that there to remind you that as long as I have air in my lungs, I’ll never let you go under.”

“Hugh.” My eyes filled with tears. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, and I know you feel alone right now, but I need you to know I’m here, Liz.” His eyes burned with sincerity when he gently squeezed my hand. “I’m still here.”

I sucked in a trembling breath and squeezed his hand back. “I know you are.”

Keeping his brown eyes locked on mine, Hugh tenderly stroked my cheeks, and then my chin, and then my neck, before finally resting his hand on my shoulder. “You’re beautiful.”

I wasn’t.

I was filthy.

Inside and out.

I wanted to tell him just that, but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was a broken sob.

I tried again, but another cry tore out.

And then his arms were around my body, pulling me close. “Let it out.” Wrapping me up as tight as he could, he rocked me in his arms. “I’m here and I’m not leaving you, okay? No matter what.”

Feeling weak from exhaustion, I folded myself into his arms and cried.

It wouldn’t help.

Nothing could bring her back.

Nothing would stop the nightmares.

But I didn’t let go.

A little while later, after Hugh convinced me to take a shower, I stood in the kitchen, holding his hand.

It had been so long since I came downstairs that I felt unsteady.

My legs were wobblish, like a newborn foal, and I was depending far too much on the boy standing beside me to keep me upright.

I could hear my mother wailing in a nearby room, and the sound made me want to scramble back to my bed and never come out again.

“Take a walk with me,” Hugh said, as aware of my mother’s crying as I was. He cleared his throat and quickly walked us to the back door. “It’s gorgeous outside.”

I didn’t want to take a walk.

I didn’t want to take a breath.

But I did want to be near Hugh, so I followed him outside without a fight.