Page 173

NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD

Lizzie

NOVEMBER 6, 2003

W HEN I ARRIVED AT SCHOOL , I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HURTING ANYONE’S feelings because I didn’t have a care in the world.

Not even one .

Today, I was as free as a bird, and I could live my life without being plagued by fear.

When Pierce followed me inside one of the toilet cubicles in the PE hall, my mind shut down and my body took over. When he hitched my skirt up and told me to sit on his lap, I did exactly what I was told.

Like a good girl.

Like the monster showed me.

Afterwards, I felt sated, like I didn’t need to rub my body all over him or push my fingers deep inside me.

This boy didn’t get cross with me for having bad thoughts.

This boy scratched the itch for me.

He made me better with his medicine .

When he left me alone in the bathroom, I studied my reflection in the mirror, fixated on the colors shooting out of my eyes.

Weird lines of gold tracking their way over blue irises.

Fascinating .

My body was sore all over.

Wonderful .

My neck was peppered with love bites.

Glorious .

Dark circles under my eyes.

Ethereal .

Tearstains on my cheeks.

Whore .

Fragments and molecules of dust particles landed on my flesh—I could see them. It was as if time had slowed down just for me, so I could see everything in ultra vision.

Magical .

Drumming my fingertips against the porcelain rim, I tilted my head to one side, trying to make a connection with the stranger staring back at me.

I couldn’t recognize her, but I was touching her face.

How unusual.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding!” Claire growled, blowing in the bathroom door, eyes wild with fury. “What the hell are you playing at?”

“Hi,” I breathed, feeling both sated and suicidal. “What did I do now?”

“What did you do ?” She demanded, eyes bulging. “Liz, you kissed Pierce O’Neill at the lockers this morning. I saw you! And then you scampered off before I could confront you.” She narrowed her eyes. “You’re supposed to be with my brother, Liz. How could you do that to Hughie?”

“Oh.” Devastation hit me like a tidal wave when she said his name. “Yeah, we broke up.”

“Shut the front door!” Claire’s jaw fell open. “When?”

“Last weekend.”

“But you were together at his birthday party.”

“Yeah, the day after.”

“You guys really broke up?” Claire squealed, looking horrified. “Omigod, why?”

“What’s your problem?” I snapped, feeling cornered and wounded. “You didn’t want me with your brother to start with. Well, you got your wish.”

“Lizzie!” Her tone was laced with hurt. “Just because I was uncomfortable about it doesn’t mean I wanted this to happen.” Sadness filled her eyes. “It all makes sense now. He’s been locked in his room for days.” She looked at me with a lost expression. “He doesn’t come out unless it’s for school.”

“I need to go,” I mumbled, feeling too much in this moment. Emotions were thrashing around inside of me, rising higher and higher, as his face tormented me.

“Liz, hold up,” Claire begged. “Let’s talk about this.”

Ignoring her, I rushed for the door, only to fall over a rogue changing bag and collapse in a heap on the floor.

“Omigod!” Claire rushed to my side. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy.” I choked out a fitful, almost hysterical laugh. The more I tried to sober my features, the more I laughed and laughed and laughed.

“Is she high?” another girl asked when she entered the bathroom.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Liz! Omigod, be nice!”

“Okay,” I drawled. “Who the fuck are you please ?”

“Katie,” the redheaded girl said, looking down on me like I was a new breed of alien. “Have you taken something?”

“Nope,” I snickered, and choked out another fitful laugh, while attempting to untangle my foot from the strap of the gear bag. “Not that it’s any of your business, nosy girl, but I haven’t taken up the heroin route yet.”

“Liz!” Claire chastised. “You can’t say things like that to people.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the girl replied before turning to me and arching a disapproving brow. “You certainly have the heroin-chic look down to a tee.”

“Get fucked,” I snorted, giving her the finger.

“I’m really sorry about her,” Claire said, trying to do damage control. “She’s going through a breakup right now.”

“Yeah, well, manners cost nothing,” the girl huffed before storming out of the bathroom.

“That wasn’t nice,” Claire scolded, crouching down to help me untangle my feet. “You are acting like a crazy person, Elizabeth Young.”

“Indeed, Claire Biggs,” I shot back, flopping back on my elbows and watching as she freed my feet for me. “Aren’t we all a little crazy inside?”