Page 167

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT

Lizzie

NOVEMBER 1, 2003

“W HAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! ”

“Jesus Christ, I’m sorry, lad!”

“You have one second to get your dick out of my girl before I kill ya.”

It took me a moment to register the shouting, and a few more to make sense of why I felt so cold.

“Hugh, I am so fucking sorry, lad. I’ve been drinking and she was—ah, holy fuck, give me a chance to throw my clothes on, will ya?”

Blinking in confusion, I pulled up on my elbows and watched as Hugh pummeled another boy on his bedroom floor.

What confused me most was the fact that Hugh was the one fully clothed, while the boy getting his face caved in only had boxers on.

“Hugh,” I mumbled, feeling confused.

“Cover yourself up!” he roared, pausing mid-punch to point at me. “And don’t fucking talk to me right now, Liz!”

Punching resumed, I glanced down at myself, registered my glaringly naked body, and quickly dragged the duvet over myself.

Oh my God .

What did I do?

No, no, no…

What the fuck did I do?

The bedroom door flew inward then, and Thor came bursting in to assess the damage. His eyes landed on mine for a brief moment before he turned away and moved for Hugh.

“It’s all right, Hughie, I’ve got ya.” Wrapping his arms around my boyfriend, he dragged him off the boy bleeding on the floor. “He’s not worth it, lad.”

“Let me go, Gibs.” Never in my life had I seen Hugh so unhinged as he wrestled furiously against Thor’s hold, desperately trying to lunge at the boy pulling on his clothes. “I’m going to kill that prick.”

“Seriously, Pierce?” Thor demanded, struggling to restrain my boyfriend. “Are you that much of fucking turnout?”

“I’m really fucking sorry, Gibs,” the boy replied, toeing on his shoes before grabbing his jacket off the chair.

“Yeah, well, sorry doesn’t quite cut it, asshole,” Thor shot back angrily. “Not when you fuck a teammate’s girl in his own bed, you prick!”

“I am so fucking sorry, lads, but she was all over me,” the boy protested. “I mean it, Hughie, lad. She told me to have her.”

That seemed to register with Hugh, and I watched his shoulders sag in what looked like defeat. “Get him out of here, Gibs,” he whispered, sounding broken. “And send everyone home.” A deep shudder racked through my boyfriend when he said, “The party’s over.”

The boy didn’t need to be told twice and quickly bolted from the room, followed by Thor. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me, lad,” he said, glancing back at Hugh before closing the door and leaving us alone.

I braced myself for my boyfriend’s wrath, but it didn’t come.

Instead, he turned his back on me, gripped the windowsill, and stared out.

“Hugh.” Scrambling off the bed, I hurried toward him. “Please, please, please let me explain.”

“Put your clothes on, Liz.” He didn’t look at me when he spoke, choosing to stare out the window instead. “I can’t look at you right now.”

“I’m sorry,” I strangled out, chest heaving. “I’m so fucking sorry, Hugh. Please just talk to me.”

“Put your clothes on, Liz.”

“Okay.” Sniffling, I hurried back to his bed and scrabbled to find my clothes. “I am sorry.”

Silence enveloped me.

“Hugh, I mean it.” My tears were falling at a rapid rate, as the seriousness of the situation started to hit me. “I don’t know what happened.”

He didn’t respond.

“Hugh, please!” Crying hard, I stepped into my underwear and pulled them up my legs. “Say something.”

He didn’t.

“It meant nothing, I swear. I, uh, I…I thought I was with you.” When I grabbed my dress off the bedroom floor, my gaze landed on a used condom. “Oh my fucking God!” My body shook violently, and I choked out a hoarse sob, while I quickly dressed myself. “What did I do?”

“You can stay here tonight if you don’t want to call your parents to come get you,” Hugh finally said. Straightening his shoulders, he blew out a breath and moved for the door. “I’m going to crash at Gibsie’s.”

“No, no, no, please don’t leave me,” I cried, rushing to intercept him, but it was too late. He was already out of the room and halfway down the stairs. “Hugh!”

“Wait,” I cried out, following my boyfriend outside in the middle of the night. “Hugh, please!”

“Go back inside, Liz,” he called over his shoulder as he stormed off in the opposite direction of both houses.

“Please, wait!” Running barefoot down the street, I caught up with him and grabbed his shirt. “No, Hugh, don’t go.” Catching onto his forearm with both hands, I cried hard and ugly when I tried to pull him to a stop. “Please don’t go.”

Always the gentleman, Hugh obliged and came to a stop, choosing not to drag me barefoot down the asphalt, even though I deserved it.

His entire frame was stiff, and he stared straight ahead in the darkness.

I was holding his arm, but he wasn’t giving an inch.

“Look at me.”

“I can’t .”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know you anymore.”

“Yes, you do.” Sniffling, I reached up and tried to cup his face in my hands. “I’m still me.”

“Don’t.” His voice was broken when he shook his head, reaching up to peel my hands from his face. “I can’t have your hands on me.”

“I didn’t mean it, Hugh.” Frantic, I entwined my fingers with his and stepped closer. “I was drunk, okay? I was looking for you. I thought it was you! I love you. I love you; I do. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“You fucked him, Liz!” he roared, losing his cool. “Pierce O’Neill! My own goddamn teammate! You fucked him. So don’t stand here and tell me you love me.”

“I do love you, Hugh!”

“You don’t know the meaning of the word.” He seethed, chest heaving. “I loved you, Liz. Me.” He slapped a hand against his chest. “I fucking loved you enough to put you first. Even when it was hard to do the right thing. I fucking did it. Because that’s what someone does when they love someone. They put that person first.”

“I…” shaking my head, I racked my brain to find the words to make this better. To turn back the clocks. “I don’t know why I did it.” A pained sob escaped me. “It didn’t mean anything to me. It’s just…sometimes, I get these feelings, and I need…”

“Do you think that asshole cares about you?” he cut me off and demanded, gesturing to the house we had left. “Do you think he gives a shit about anything other than what’s under your clothes? Because I’ll let you in on a little secret, Liz, he doesn’t. Ninety-nine percent of the assholes at my house tonight don’t give two shits about anything other than getting their dicks wet!”

“Hugh,” I cried, clinging to him for dear life. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“You are not a person to those assholes, Liz,” he continued to shout, voice cracking with emotion. “They don’t care about your heart or your mind or your vulnerability. They don’t give a shit about any of that. Because when they look at you, all they’re seeing is pussy!”

“I’m so sorry.” Violent sobs racked through me. “I just wanted to forget.”

“Forget what?” he demanded hoarsely. “Me? Was I so fucking bad to you that you had to do this? You couldn’t wait?”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cried, feeling hysterical. “You’ve been perfect to me. I’ve never had someone care about me like you have.”

“Yeah? Well, newsflash, Liz, it’s not all about how you feel,” Hugh shot back, chest heaving. “I was in the relationship, too, and I wasn’t fucking ready for sex, okay? I gave you nine fucking years of my life, and you fuck a randomer in my bed?”

“I don’t know how it happened!” I cried out, grabbing my hair. “I just…I wanted to feel good.”

“So your need to feel good made it okay to cheat on me?”

“Hugh.” I couldn’t breathe. “I didn’t mean to; I swear to God! I think I’m drunk and I just…” I shook my head and cried hard. “I am so sorry!”

“Yeah, see the difference between us, Liz, is that I could never be intimate with anyone other than you,” he strangled out, trembling. “Drunk or not, I could never give myself to some randomer like you just did.”

“Just give me another chance, Hugh.” Sniffling, I tried to hook my arms around his neck. “Let me fix this, okay?”

“It’s too late.”

“No.” Crying uncontrollably, I held on for dear life, feeling like my entire world was slipping from my fingers. “Please don’t say that.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me,” he cried hoarsely, battling to capture my hands that were touching him everywhere. “Liz, you’re fucking killing me.”

“I’m not trying to,” I sobbed uncontrollably. “I just…I fuck everything up.”

“I thought I knew who you were,” he whispered brokenly. “I thought I was what you wanted.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “I was wrong.”

“Don’t say that,” I cried, trying to kiss him and feeling devastated when he dodged me. “I do want you. You’re all I want.”

“You’re going to come out of this.” Sniffling, Hugh turned his head away and used his shoulder to wipe his check. “And when you do, you’re going to hate yourself as much as I wish I could hate you.”

“Hugh!”

“This is over, Liz.”

No .

No .

No, no, no, no, no!

“Please, Hugh,” I strangled out, feeling my world fall apart. “Please, I’m begging you!”

“This is over ,” Hugh repeated, voice cracking as he sucked in a shaky breath. “You can stay in my house tonight, and I’ll stay with Gibs, but you need to be gone in the morning.” He sucked in a trembling breath and roughly wiped his tears away. “And you need to delete my number from your phone.”

“Hugh,” I cried out, feeling weak. “Please don’t stay that.”

“It’s too late, Liz,” he said, backing away from me. “There’s no coming back from this.”

“I love you!” I screamed after him. “You’re my best friend! How am I supposed to be without you?”

“Maybe you should have thought about that” was all Hugh replied before he turned around and walked away.