Page 125

ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK

Hugh

AUGUST 7, 2002

“J ESUS C HRIST! ” I STRANGLED OUT WHEN I STROLLED INTO L IZ’S ROOM ON THE MORN ing of my sister’s thirteenth birthday. “I am so fucking sorry for not knocking.” Because not only was my girlfriend standing in front of her full-length mirror but she was fully naked . Like fully naked. “I thought you’d be in bed.” In fact, I had been so sure of it that I had arrived an hour earlier than agreed for the sole purpose of peeling her off the mattress. “But you’re up…and naked.”

“Wow, nothing gets past you, does it?” Liz teased, completely unfazed while I was freaking the fuck out. “Relax,” she laughed, glancing over her shoulder at me. “It’s not like you haven’t seen my body before.”

I had.

But not all of it.

And definitely not when she looked like that .

“So,” she said in a playful tone. “Do you plan on standing around ogling my ass all morning, or are you waiting for a tit shot?”

“Oh shit, yeah!” I strangled out, slapping a hand over my eyes and giving her my back. “Once again, I am so sorry.”

Wardrobe doors clanking open and shut filled the air followed by the distinct sound of clothes hangers rattling. “Okay, the coast is clear,” she announced a few minutes later. “You can look at me.”

I turned around to find her standing directly in front of me with her top pulled up.

“Goddammit, Liz,” I groaned, unable to stop my eyes from roaming over her glorious tits. “ Why would you do this to me?”

“Because I can.” She cackled mischievously before pushing her vest back down into place. “Look at that blush.” Reaching up, she squeezed my cheek. “You are so adorable.”

Hooking an arm around her waist, I pulled her flush against me. “And you are a troublemaker,” I growled before dipping my head to kiss her, unable to resist the temptation of her pouty lips. The deeper I kissed her, the harder she dug her nails into my hips and the move drove me wild. Hormones were invading me like the plague, and I was burning the hell up for this girl. Because she was as reckless as a person came, I had to be the sensible one in the relationship. I had to be the guard for both of us, even when it went against every primal urge I had inside of me.

“Oh my God,” Liz breathed against my lips. “You are such a good kisser.”

I couldn’t answer her. I was too busy claiming her lips once more, while I kissed her with everything I had inside of me.

Fisting her hair with one hand, I grabbed her hip with the other, reveling in the feel of her body crushed to mine. All I wanted to do was lay her down on the bed and show her how much I loved her. How much I wanted her. Repeatedly. Until I finally calmed the fire inside of me. Until I satisfied this overwhelming urge to get naked with her.

When I felt her hands slide under my shirt and then her fingers sneaking into the waistband of my shorts, I knew it was time to stop.

With enormous effort, I ended our kiss and took a safe step back. “Don’t give me that look,” I warned, breathing hard and uneven when I caught her scowling at me. “You know the rule.”

“Kiss, don’t touch.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s a stupid rule.”

“It’s a safe rule,” I corrected, trailing my thumb over my bottom lip. “You bit me.”

“And?” Liz planted her hands on her hips and smirked. “Did you like it?”

I fucking loved it .

“Come on, my little biter.” Repressing a hungered groan, I shook my head and moved for the door. “Let’s get out of this room before we start breaking rules.”

“It’ll be okay, won’t it?” Liz asked when she joined me on the landing. “I mean, your mam doesn’t mind me coming over?”

“Liz, my mam loves you,” I coaxed, taking her hand in mine. “She’s thrilled that you’re coming.”

“And, uh, um…” She swallowed deeply before expelling a shaky breath. “He won’t come near me, right?”

“Right.” I gave her trembling hand a reassuring squeeze. “Gibs will be there, but he’s going to be with Claire.” I tipped her chin up with my free hand and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “And you’ll be with me.”

“I’m scared,” she blurted out, eyes wild and full of fear. “What if I mess up?”

It had been over two and half years since she’d stepped foot inside my house, and a huge part of me wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to do this. But if I did that, if I gave her an out, I knew she would never do it.

“I’ll be right beside you the entire time,” I promised, desperate to reassure her while my heart split clean down the center. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“You swear?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

Liz nodded. “Yeah.”

I exhaled a sigh of relief.

“I know it’s Claire’s birthday, but I’m doing this for you, not her,” she squeezed out and then pushed up on her tiptoes to kiss me hard, while her entire frame trembled violently.

I knew she was, and it meant so damn much to me.

Several hours later, we were all lazing around in our back garden, with a dozen or so school friends and a game of spin the bottle in full swing.

Liz was strewn out on the grass beside me, with her feet crossed at the ankles, and a pair of sunglasses perched on her nose. She had her head perched against my thigh, which caused her blond hair to spill onto my lap and tickle my skin. She was wearing a white vest, a pair of khaki combats, and army boots, and I was having a hard time not staring at the way her nipples were poking out.

Apparently, so were the lads, which pissed me off to the point where I couldn’t hear a word of the conversation happening around me.

Why was Feely staring like that?

What the fuck was Robbie Mac’s issue?

Did Danny Call honestly think he was being discreet?

As for Pierce O’Neill? Well, Pierce was going to get another smack in the mouth if he didn’t stop openly ogling her.

There were plenty of other girls sitting around to gawk at. Christine Grundy from our year was one, and Bernadette Brady was another. Pierce’s twin sisters, Marybeth and Cadence, were another two. Why couldn’t they avert their beady little eyes to any of them?

My only reprieve was the fact that Gibs wasn’t staring at my girlfriend’s tits, but even that was a double-edged sword, because I knew if I followed his line of sight, it would lead to my sister’s tits.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted him scampering off with my sister toward the treehouse, and I narrowed my eyes, instantly suspicious.

Jesus Christ .

I couldn’t catch a break.

The fact that Liz hadn’t completely lost her shit when Gibsie arrived earlier and was still here with us without picking fights was reason enough for me to swallow my feelings. Because I wanted her to spend time with her friends. I wanted her to remember that she wasn’t alone. That she still had us. Even Gibs.

“Ah, unlucky, Biggs,” Pierce snickered when the bottle he was spinning landed on Liz. Meanwhile, I turned to stone. “Don’t worry, lad, it’s only a shift.”

“I’m not playing,” Lizzie replied breezily, plucking at a blade of grass. “Spin again.”

“Bullshit,” Pierce argued, growing red-faced. “You know the rules. If you’re in the circle, and it lands on you, you have to kiss.”

“You heard her,” I cut in, bristling. “ Spin again .”

“Fine, it doesn’t have to be a shift,” he conceded with a huff. “A kiss will be grand. No tongue.”

“What part of I’m not playing did you not understand?” Liz asked coolly, pulling up on her elbows to glare at him. “Are you so dull of comprehension that I have to repeat myself, or did you catch it this time?”

Her retort caused several of the lads to roll around on the grass, laughing their asses off.

“Ah, she’s got you there, lad.”

“Burn, Piercy boy!”

“Yeah, whatever, at least I’m not a frigid bitch who chickens out,” Pierce muttered, burning with embarrassment, throwing daggers at my girlfriend with his eyes. “I bet you’re a terrible fucking shift anyway, viper.”

“You better watch your fucking mouth, asshole,” I warned, moving to stand, only for Liz to put a swift stop to that when she clambered onto my lap.

“Too bad you’ll never find out, asshole.” Kneeling on either side of my hips, Liz grabbed my face in her hands and forced my chin up to hers. Snaring me with her blue eyes, she lowered her face to mine and purred, “Because I only kiss this boy.”

I wasn’t expecting it when her lips crashed against mine. I was even less expecting the hot swipe of her tongue when it entered my mouth. Or the way she crushed her chest against mine. Holy fuck was she pulling out the moves.

I knew everyone around us was watching, I could hear their loud cheers and wolf whistles, but in this moment I didn’t care. All logic and reason flew clean out of my ears. I grabbed her hips, roughly pulling her down on my lap, partially to hide my raging hard-on from the lads, but mostly because I wanted to feel her against me.

My girlfriend came willingly, sinking down hard on my lap, while never once breaking our kiss as her tongue devoured mine.

Her hands were in my hair. Her tongue was in my mouth. Her ass was on my lap. Her hips were rocking against mine. I was in utter sensory overload. I had no fucking clue how I was going to stop this. I only knew that I didn’t ever want to.

“All right, all right, you’ve made your point.”

“Jesus Christ, lads.”

It was only the sound of my sister screaming, “Ew! Lizzie Young, get off my brother right this instant!” at the top of her lungs from the treehouse that managed to break us apart.

Tearing her mouth from mine, and with her chest rising and falling rapidly, Liz stared at me with a hungry expression before releasing a frustrated groan.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Claire!” I snapped, feeling just as frustrated and hungry. “What’s the matter with you?”

“It’s me,” Liz whispered with a resigned sigh. “I’m the matter with her.”

“Don’t get up yet,” I half whispered, half pleaded when she moved to climb off my lap and reveal to our friends just how frustrated I felt.

Her cheeks flushed, and she gave me a subtle wink. Twisting around to sit sideways on my lap, she watched, right along with me, as Claire climbed down the treehouse ladder and thundered toward us.

The look on her face had the rest of our friends all scrambling out of the line of fire. Because a publicly pissed-off Claire Biggs was a rare sight. Even Feely scooted away. Meanwhile, I narrowed my eyes in challenge, only too willing to face her down.

The little, curly-haired demon .

“What’s the matter with me ?” Coming to stand directly in front of us, my sister planted her hands on her hips and glared down at me. “What’s the matter with you, Hugh?” Her attention shifted to the girl on my lap. “And you!” She narrowed her eyes in disgust. “That’s my brother you’re sitting on.” Her cheeks turned bright pink. “And that’s also my brother’s mouth I just saw you ramming your tongue down!” Another furious shriek escaped the curly-haired menace, and she stomped her foot. “You’re supposed to be my best friend.”

“I am, Claire,” Lizzie replied with a defeated sigh, because this wasn’t a new battle for her. My sister and my girlfriend had been hashing out this exact same argument since we started going out. “You know I am.”

“Then act like it, Liz!” The hurt in Claire’s brown eyes was as clear as the hurt in her voice when she strangled out, “It’s my birthday party, not my brother’s. You’re supposed to be hanging out with me.”

“Grow the hell up, Claire,” I cut in, having had my fill of the bullshit. She didn’t see me throwing tantrums every time Gibsie came over and they disappeared together for hours on end. The hypocrisy was real, and I opened my mouth to tell her just that, but Liz placed a hand on my arm in warning.

“I’m sorry,” Liz interjected, pandering to her bullshit, and I was instantly pissed. “In future, I promise not to kiss your brother when we’re supposed to be hanging out.” The fact that she continued to give into my sister’s tantrums only proved to me how much she valued their friendship.

“I would prefer if you don’t kiss my brother at all,” Claire replied, sniffing the air. “It’s nauseating.”

“You’re nauseating,” I couldn’t stop myself from tossing back.

“Hugh.”

“What?” I replied, not bothering to protect myself from the rogue elbow that came my way—courtesy of my coconspirator. “She’s being a child about this. She needs to grow the hell up.”

“Claire-Bear.” Gibs arrived on the scene then. “It’s grand. Let the lovebirds be.” He slung an arm around my sister’s shoulders and smiled. “No need to get cranky. We’re all friends here.”

The mere presence of Gibs in her personal space was all it took to send my girlfriend spiraling.

Scrambling out of my lap like she had just been scalded, Liz sprang up, eyes wild and feral.

“Shit.” Blowing out a pained breath, I cupped the back of my head in defeated resignation before climbing to my feet.

With none of the grace and patience she had shown my sister, Liz pointed a trembling finger at Gibsie. “We are not now nor will we ever be friends. Do you hear me? I will never be friends with you.” Shaking all over, she glared up at Gibs and shook her head. “And I will never forgive you or your family.”

Gibsie didn’t say a word in response. Instead, he turned around and walked away.

“Lizzie.” Claire placed her hand on Liz’s shoulder and sighed sadly. “It’s not Gerard’s fault.”

“Don’t!” Roughly shaking her hand off, my girlfriend spun around to glare at my sister. “Don’t defend what you don’t know.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “You don’t know what I know.” She sucked in a shuddering breath. “You didn’t see what I saw.”

Claire looked to me, eyes pleading, and I subtly shook my head. There was no point in arguing. Not about this. Not when they were in the same vicinity as each other. We’d tried that before, and it didn’t go down well.

With a torn expression etched on her face, Claire backed away slowly before turning around and heading in search of Gibsie.

“Breathe,” I instructed, stepping in front of Liz to shield her from everyone’s view. “It’s okay.” Placing my hands on her trembling shoulders, I forced her to look at me. “Just breathe .”

“I need to leave.” Swallowing down a hysterical sob, she reached up and swatted the tears from her cheeks, while her entire body shook violently. “I need to go now .” The frantic look in her eyes assured me that she was moments away from losing it in front of everyone.

“Come on.” Wrapping my arm around her, I drew her into my side and quickly walked us into the house. Claire could deal with everyone else. “I’ve got you.”

“I kn-know he d-did it!” she choked out, barely able to breathe from the force of her cries. “I kn-know he r-raped my s-sister!”

“It’s okay,” I coaxed, leading her through the kitchen and into the hall. “I’ve got you.”

Bringing her here was a mistake.

It was cruel .

“I r-remember the s-sounds, H-Hugh. And h-his sm-smell. I w-was th-there!” Her fingers knotted in my shirt. “I k-know the t-truth and n-nobody b-believes me!”

“I do, Liz.” Guiding her up the staircase, I kept a tight hold of her waist, knowing that this could go south quickly. “I believe you.”

“I s-swear I’m t-telling the t-truth,” she strangled out, clinging to my body as I led her into my room. “I j-just c-can’t pr-prove it.”

“Where’s your bag, Liz?” Setting her down on my bed, I crouched down in front of her and gently peeled my shirt from her fingers. “Hmm.” Reaching up, I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before wiping a tear from her cheek. “Where’s your bag, baby?”

“O-over t-there,” she heaved out, chest rising and falling in a frantic pattern as she pointed toward the door. “B-but I’m n-not c-crazy, H-Hugh.”

“I know you’re not.” Rising to my feet, I made a beeline to retrieve the bag. “You know I don’t think that, Liz.” Unzipping her rucksack, I rummaged through the contents until my hand closed around the familiar bottle labeled Clonazepam . “I would never think that about you.” Unscrewing the cap, I poured the lone pill into my palm. She only carried around one at a time because her mother was a smart woman. “Open your mouth, baby.”

“No, n-no, n-no!” The sight of the pill caused Lizzie’s entire expression to cave, and she dropped her head in her hands, crying even more hysterically than before. “I am s-so f-fucking s-ick of t-tablets!”

“Me too,” I replied, and that wasn’t a lie. I didn’t want to fill her up with medication. I fucking hated it. But I also remembered last summer and knew what would happen if this wasn’t stamped out fast. After last time, her mother had given me explicit instructions on what to do. I had to calm her down.

“Please, Liz,” I begged, loathing the words as they came out of my mouth. “Please do this for me.”

Sniffling, she snatched the pill out of my hand with her trembling one and shoved it in her mouth.

Any relief I felt from her complying was eclipsed by devastation when she looked at me with betrayal in her eyes.

“I love you.” Crouching back down in front of her, I held her tearstained face between my hands and tried to explain myself. “Do you hear me? I love you so much that it kills me to see you hurting like this.” Swallowing down a lump in my throat, I continued to look at her as I spoke. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Liz.” I would die first . “I only want to help you.”

She clenched her eyes shut, blocking me out.

Still, I persevered. “I know you hate the medication.” A tear dropped from her lashes, landing on my thumb. “And I know you hate all the doctor visits.” Another tear dropped. “But I also know that you’re not crazy.”

Her breath audibly hitched, and she leaned into my touch as a pained sob tore from what sounded like her soul.

“You’re going to get through this.” Using my shoulder, I quickly wiped the tears from my own cheek, voice cracking with emotion. “And I’m going to be right here with you for all of it.”

Sniffling, she reached a hand up and covered my hand with hers.

“I’m not leaving,” I vowed hoarsely. “I’m staying right here with you.”

Exhaling a ragged breath, she sagged forward and rested her forehead against mine. “N-no m-matter w-what?”

“Yeah, Liz.” I clenched my eyes shut and exhaled a ragged breath. “No matter what.”