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I’M MISTER brIGHTSIDE

Hugh

DECEMBER 12, 2003

O UR SCHOOL RUGBY TEAM WON THE S HEELER’S C UP THIS EVENING AND SOME OF THE older lads on the team decided to throw an impromptu party at Creano’s house to celebrate.

I knew coming here tonight was a bad idea, but I somehow allowed Feely to persuade me, only to turn around and not show up himself. According to the text he sent me when I’d already arrived, Feely’s newfound friend from music club needed his help with something important.

Yeah fucking right .

I knew what kind of help he provided to girls, and it sure wasn’t shoveling shite.

The Killers’ “Mr. Brightside” started to blast through the speakers then, and I sighed dejectedly, feeling like I was being personally attacked by the lyrics.

If I had just stayed home like Johnny had, then I wouldn’t be sitting on a sixth year’s couch with a full view of my own personal hell.

Liz was here, rubbing herself all over Pierce as they attempted to dance but kept stopping to maul the faces off each other.

Jesus Christ .

I couldn’t catch a break.

I honestly fucking couldn’t.

I tried my hardest not to look, but somehow my gaze always returned to her.

Dancing with him.

Touching his chest.

Kissing his lips.

“Don’t look, lad,” I heard Gibsie instruct a few seconds before he sank down on the coffee table in front of me, blocking the horrendous view. “Keep your eyes on me.”

“I’m okay, Gibs,” I forced myself to say when I felt the complete opposite. “Really, I am.”

“Listen to me,” he said then, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. “I know you’re in pain, and I know this is killing you, and I am so fucking sorry you have to go through this, lad.” He sighed heavily and implored me with his eyes to listen. “But you have to get back up, Hugh. You have to pick yourself up and fight, lad.”

“I’m trying,” I bit out, feeling my heart shatter and thunder all at once. “But I’m just so fucking hollow , Gibs.”

“I know,” he told me, squeezing my knee. “And I know you still love her, but it’s over, lad.” My oldest friend in the world winced before adding, “You have to let her go.”

As painful as it was to hear, it was sound advice from a friend I knew had my best interests at heart and would never stab me in the back.

Gibsie was a lot of things, but disloyal was not one of them. In my whole life, I had never met a more faithful human being. It didn’t matter if we were on the outs or not, he never breathed a word of my personal life to anyone—not even to Johnny and Claire. He had more shit on me than any one of our friends, had lived through the worst of my days with me, and I knew with absolute certainty that he would take all of it to the grave.

It was Gibs who’d picked me up off the ground after the breakup, and he was the one who sat with me during my darkest days—and there had been some dark fucking days. The shit I spurted after the breakup had been unhinged. I didn’t dare think about it. Gibs never threw it back in my face, though.

Christ, I was so fucking relieved that I hadn’t ruined my friendship with him for a girl who was anyone’s girl. Because that’s exactly how it had turned out to be.

It still felt sort of strange being here with him, like I was doing something wrong. I suppose I had spent so long getting the head bitten off me for acknowledging the lad that I wasn’t used to spending quality time with him.

“It’s all good, Hugo,” Gibsie interjected, clearly reading my mind. “Water under the bridge,” he added with a mischievous wink. “I’m just glad I’ve got my friend back on a full-time basis. That shared custody of you was triggering bad memories for me.” Chuckling, he added, “I’ll happily take full custody of you in the divorce, though.”

Christ, I was a shitty friend .

“I love ya, Gibs,” I decided to tell him, because why the hell not? Liz had already humiliated me beyond all limits. I didn’t have any pride left to lose. “I don’t know where I’d be right now without you, lad.”

“The feeling is mutual, brother,” he replied, squeezing my knee again. “You’ve gotten me through my fair share of dark days, too.”

“Do you think I’ll be okay?” I whispered, feeling so damaged inside, I needed someone to reassure me. “Will I be able to get past this?”

“Hell yes you will,” he replied confidently. “And if you get stuck on the path of getting past this, I’ll be right behind you to push you over the line.” He smiled encouragingly. “You’ve got this, Hugo Boss-man, and I’ve your back.” His gray eyes shone with sincerity. “Always.”

“Biggsie!” Luke Casey called out, weaving through the crowd with several bottles of beer in hand. “That was one hell of an epic drop goal today.” Sinking down on the couch beside me, he handed me a bottle and passed another to Gibs. “You won the game for us, lad.”

“That he did,” Gibs chuckled, instantly falling back into his role of the joker. “Pity about the ball cracking Pierce over the head, though.” Gibs winked before adding, “What were the odds?”

“Indeed,” I mused, taking a swig from my bottle.

“Biggsie, what’s the story with your doll?” Danny Call asked when he joined us with a few more of the lads. “Are ye seriously off and she’s fair game?” He inclined his head to where she was grinding all over Pierce and a few others from my class. “Or do ya want me to break his nose for ya?”

“Yeah, I heard about that,” Luke muttered, tone laced with disapproval. “He’s a fucking plonker.”

“Bad form,” Robbie Mac added, narrowing his eyes. “It’s one thing to razz a lad up, but that’s just pure dirt behavior.”

“Do you think you should go over there and put a stop to it?”

If I went over there, then she would think I was willing to talk, and if she thought that, she might try to rekindle us, and I honestly didn’t have the strength to push her away again.

She already knew I loved her, and she already knew I cared. The only tool I had at my disposal was my condemnation. If I lost that, I’d fall back into hell with her, and I couldn’t survive it.

I could handle everything she threw at me, all her episodes and all her moods, but I would not tolerate infidelity.

I was pretty sure I could still smell her on the shirt I was wearing. Worse, I had a horrible feeling that said shirt was one she had bought me last Christmas.

Downing the contents of my beer bottle, I made a mental note to wash every stitch of clothing I had.

Everything was tainted, and I needed a clean slate.

“It’s grand, lads,” I replied, vowing to myself that I wouldn’t lose another yard of dignity over them. Not when they’d stripped me to the bone. Shrugging like I didn’t have a care in the world, I leaned back and took a swig of my beer before answering, “Nothing sinister happened.”

“There’s a rumor going around that she fucked Pierce behind your back, lad.”

I forced myself not to wince. “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

“So she didn’t?”

“We just decided to call it a day,” I heard myself say, lying through my teeth to protect the reputation of a girl who didn’t give a damn about mine.

“So, it’s like fully off?” Danny pushed, sounding concerned. “As in, permanently?”

“Couldn’t be more permanent,” I replied, forcing myself to look at her one last time. The minute I did, I wanted to fucking heave up the contents of my stomach.

“Fuck.” Danny’s tone was serious when he asked, “Are you okay, Hugh?”

“Cally, I’m grand,” I shot back, giving him a carefree smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

“She’s not his problem anymore” Gibs was quick to add, taking a hit from a joint one of the sixth year’s handed him. “Kum-bay-fucking-ya, Hugo.”

“Listen, I’ll be honest with ya, Hugh,” Luke said when the rest of the lads started up a conversation about today’s game. “She’s been throwing herself around a fair bit with the lads on the team.” Shifting in discomfort, he kept his tone low so that only I could hear him. “Don’t worry, lad,” he hurried to add, clearly uneasy about bringing this up to me. “Aside from Piercy the turncoat, the rest of the lads have your back.”

“I said nothing sinister happened,” I replied, feeling sick.

“Yeah, I know you did, lad,” he replied, clapping my shoulder in support. “But I’m not as thick as those bastards.”

Well, shit.

“I know you’re putting on a brave face right now, lad, and fair play to ya, but we’ve known each other since baby infants, and you’ve always been a good friend to me, so I just felt like I needed to tell ya that I’ll have your back over Pierce’s any day of the week.”

“Cheers, Lukey,” I replied, forcing myself to keep the head. “I really appreciate it, lad, but I don’t want her to get any hassle over this.” Exhaling a heavy sigh, I added, “We all have school together and play on the same team, so I’m going to take the high road on this one.”

“Then you’re a better man than him,” he replied, squeezing my shoulder. “And you deserve better.”