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GIVE ME WHAT I WANT OR ELSE!

Lizzie

OCTOBER 31, 2003

H UGH LIED .

He was a liar .

He tricked me into thinking he could make me better and then he snatched it all away.

Didn’t he understand how badly I needed him?

Didn’t he care that I was burning up in flames?

Everything ached and I needed him, dammit!

I couldn’t make sense of my thoughts anymore.

I didn’t even know where I was going.

All I knew was I felt consumed by rage and had to move.

“Hey!” a strange voice called out before a big hand clamped down on my shoulder. “Where are ya going?”

Confused, I swung around to see one of Hugh’s rugby pals. “Where am I going?”

“Yeah,” he replied slowly, blue eyes one mine. “You okay?” His gaze raked over me and his brows furrowed. “Why are you wandering around the street in a hoodie?”

Was I?

“I’m not sure.” Puzzled, I dropped my gaze to Hugh’s hoodie that I was wearing and then to the streetlights illuminating the darkness. “I, uh…I don’t know.”

“Hey,” the boy said, holding both my shoulders now. “It’s okay. Don’t look so sad.”

“I am sad.”

“Why?”

“Because I…” I blew out a pained breath. “I just want to feel good.”

“Feel good?”

“Mm-hmm.” Closing my eyes, I swayed from side to side. “I want to be touched.”

“You do?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“If you want to feel good, I can make that happen for you.”

Shivering, I instantly stepped closer. “You can?”

“Yeah.” His hands moved to my hips and he pulled me close. “If you want me to.”

“Mm.” Releasing a frustrated moan, I felt my body sway. “I just want—”

“Liz!”

Confused or not, I knew that voice.

Spinning around, I came face to face with those whiskey eyes.

“You can go,” Hugh told the other body in a cold tone. “Now.”

“Lad, your girl must be wasted,” the boy said, laughing nervously as he backed up. “I found her rambling around the street half-naked.”

“Yeah, and I’ll look after her,” Hugh replied, nostrils flaring. “Leave, Pierce.”

The boy looked between us before shaking his head and wandering off.

Hugh waited until Pierce was gone before speaking. “What were you doing, Liz?”

“What do you think I was doing, Hugh?” I shot back, tensing.

“I have no idea,” he replied steadily. “That’s why I’m asking you.”

“Why don’t you want me?”

“Oh, believe me. I want you.”

“Then why won’t you fuck me?”

“Because I’m trying to protect you.”

Fuck, he looked so damn good.

“I can smell your cologne,” I groaned, moving my feet until our chests were flush. “You smell so good. Hey—why are you pulling away?” I asked when I tried to kiss him, and he leaned away.

“Come on.” He took my hand in his and started leading me away from the streetlight. “Let’s just get back in the house, okay?”

“No, no, no, I’m not going anywhere with you,” I argued, narrowing my eyes at the boy walking me down the street. “You lied to me.”

“We can talk about that in the morning,” Hugh said, keeping his voice level. “Once you’ve had a good night’s sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep,” I screamed, instantly furious. “I want to fuck.”

He didn’t respond.

He just kept walking.

“Stop pulling my arm!”

“I’m not,” he replied calmly. “You’re pulling on my arm.”

I was?

Oh wait, I was .

“My bad,” I laughed. “That’s funny, right?”

“Very.”

I rolled my eyes. “You are so cranky.”

“Whatever you say, Liz.”

“Why are you agreeing to everything I’m saying?”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

“Yes, and it’s pissing me off, so stop it.”

He remained silent.

“Dammit, stop ignoring me.”

More silence.

“I hate it when you do this.”

“Do what?”

“Make me feel like a horrible person when I’m only being myself.”

“I don’t think you’re a horrible person, Liz,” he replied. “I think you’re a sick person.”

“That’s worse.”

“Okay.”

“No, you know what? Fuck you.” I ripped my hand out of his. “Fuck you for making me feel like it’s wrong to be myself.”

Hurt flashed in his eyes. “When have I done that?”

“You’re doing it right now!” I pushed at his chest. “This is me, Hugh.” I held my hands up and twirled around in circles. “This is all me. I’m happy. I’m me. I’m not taking those fucking pills anymore, so if you can’t love me as I am, then walk the fuck away.”

He stood in the middle of the road with his hands on his hips and shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”

“You look so fucking sexy when you’re pissed with me,” I said, feeling a surge of lust hit me. “I’m not the only one who wants you.” I closed the space between us. “I see them watching you at school.” I reached around and gripped his tight ass and dragged him roughly against me. “Wanting what’s mine.” I pressed a kiss to his throat. “But you’re mine, aren’t you?” I kissed him again. “And I’m yours.”

“Then fucking act like it,” Hugh finally snapped, snaking an arm around my waist. “Because I won’t tolerate the kind of bullshit I saw back there.” Reaching up, he smoothed the hair off my face and then forced me to look at him. “Do you hear me? If you betray me, there’s no coming back from it. Not for me. Bipolar or not.”

“I didn’t betray you,” I breathed. “I love you.”

“I’m not a saint, Liz. You can only push me so far.”

The angrier he got, the more I wanted him.

“You can make me better.” I breathed, capturing his bottom lip between my teeth and tugging. Hugh’s eyelids fluttered shut and I felt him grow against me. Releasing his lip with an audible pop, I reached a hand between our bodies and traced the outline of his bulging erection. “I know you can make me better.” I squeezed, feeling his resolve weaken with every growing inch. “I can feel it.”

Hugh sighed brokenly. “Believe me, Liz, if I could fix you with sex, I would fuck you forever.”

“Why can’t you just try !”

“Because I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Of you, Liz. I’m afraid of you !”

“So you’re afraid to fuck me because you’re afraid of me?”

“No, Liz, I’m afraid to fuck you because I don’t know which version of you I’d be fucking!”