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LITTLE WHITE LIES

Hugh

JANUARY 1, 2004

S ITTING IN HER MOTHER’S HOSPITAL ROOM , I WATCHED AS L IZ AND C ATHERINE HAD both an emotional reunion and a tearful goodbye.

In a little while, she would be going away.

She was agreeing to get help.

Finally .

Afraid she would bolt if I left, I remained right by her side, needing her safe more than I needed my pride. I would sit here all night if it meant Liz got the help she needed.

Mike had his car keys in hand, ready and waiting to drive his daughter to the hospital, while his wife refused to let go of her hand.

Fuck, it hurt so bad, I could barely breathe.

Going to Liz when she needed me wasn’t something I had to wrestle with.

There was no decision to make.

All the pain and hurt could wait.

I could put the betrayal and resentment on ice.

Because, at the end of the day, I still wanted to be near her, still wanted to hold her hand, still wanted to kiss her lips.

Every inch of me still longed for every inch of her, and I couldn’t turn my feelings off.

What I felt for her wasn’t expendable, and it hadn’t shown up overnight. My love for her had had nine years to deepen and grow, and the roots went deep. It wasn’t something that could be rooted out and tossed away.

She was imbedded in the foundations of who I was as a person.

She was ingrained in every fundamental life choice I had made from the age of seven.

Getting over her wouldn’t happen overnight. If it took an equal measure of time to unlove a person, then I had nine years of misery to contend with.

I was sixteen now, so that meant I would be twenty-five before she finally left my system.

Fuck, it wasn’t even close to being fair.

Because I didn’t choose this.

I didn’t want us to end.

I would have spent the rest of my life beside her if she could have just shown me the same commitment.

For a while, I wasn’t sure if Catherine and Liz were going to let go, but eventually they did.

“Hugh,” Liz sniffled, as her father led her away. “You can’t tell anyone where I’m going.”

Rising from my chair, I moved to intercept them before it was too late.

I didn’t care how pathetic it made me look; I needed to hold her one more time.

“I won’t tell, Liz,” I said, pulling her in for a hug. “I promise.”

“Please,” she strangled out, gripping me tightly. “Not even your mam.”

“Not even Mam,” I confirmed gruffly, feeling my heart shatter in my chest. “Nobody is going to know anything about this.” My voice sounded calmer than I felt. Because the truth of the matter was, I was losing my shit internally. I would never let her see that, though. Liz didn’t need tears. She needed strength. “You’re going to go away for a little while and get some rest,” I coaxed, pulling back to smile at her. “And no one in town is going to be any the wiser.”

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, fisting my shirt. “I want to die for what I’ve done to you.”

Somehow, I managed to smile. “Just get better, okay?”

“You’ll be there when I come home?”

Pain.

It scorched me.

“Of course.”

A few minutes later, when they were gone and I was left alone with Catherine, I heard her say, “You lied to her, didn’t you?” Tears filled her eyes. “You won’t be there when she comes home.”

Shaking my head, I roughly wiped my tears away. “I’m sorry.”