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PLEASE JUST TAKE HER

Lizzie

NOVEMBER 2, 2003

I COULDN’T REMEMBER FALLING ASLEEP, BUT CLEARLY I DID, BECAUSE WHEN I OPENED my eyes, it was Sunday morning and I was alone in Hugh’s bed.

I fell out of bed fully clothed and hurried downstairs and out the front door with only one thing on my mind.

Trembling violently when I crossed the street, I forced my feet up the driveway and knocked on Thor’s door. Prickling with anger, I resisted the urge to kick and slap the timber frame while I waited impatiently for them to answer.

When Thor opened the door, he didn’t speak. Instead, he turned around and disappeared into his front room.

A few moments later, Hugh appeared in the doorway.

“Hi,” I squeezed out, unable to remain still. “Can we talk?”

Hugh looked me directly in the eyes, holding my gaze for a second or two before swiftly shaking his head. “No. We have nothing to discuss when you’re like this.”

“When I’m like what?” I demanded, throwing my hands up. “What am I doing wrong now?”

“When you’re manic, Liz,” he replied. “If you want to talk to me, go and get better first.”

“Hugh, please.” Feeling desperate and irritated, I reached for his hand only to be rejected. “If you just give me five minutes to explain.”

“I don’t need your explanation.” Folding his arms across his chest, he looked down at me with an empty expression. “Like I said: go home and get better.”

“I don’t know why I did it,” I heard myself admit, knowing that I had a whole lot more I needed to say if I had any chance of fixing this but struggling to get my pride to lower. “It was…crazy.” Shaking my head, I reached for him again and then blanched when he stepped away. “I don’t even like Pierce.”

The laugh that escaped my lips was all wrong, wrong, wrong.

I needed to show him how sorry I was, and instead I was laughing.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

Jesus .

“Just go home,” he told me, moving to close the door.

“Hey!” Feeling irrationally furious that he wasn’t letting me explain, I slammed my hand on the door to block him. “I’m not leaving until we talk.”

“You’re not leaving until we talk,” he repeated in a cold tone. “Okay, Liz.” Hugh stepped outside and closed the door after him. I followed him across the street to his house. “Let’s talk.”

Following him inside, I watched as he pulled his phone out, tapped a few buttons, and pressed it to his ear. “Yeah, it’s Hugh. Listen, I have somewhere to be, and I need you to pick Liz up as soon as you can.” He kept his back to me as he spoke. “You can be here in fifteen minutes? Yeah, that’ll work. Thanks, Catherine. Yeah, bye.”

“I’m not leaving,” I strangled out when he turned around to face me. “I’m not, Hugh.” Tears filled my eyes. “Please!”

“You’re not staying,” he told me flatly. “Your mam will be here in fifteen minutes, so get whatever you need to say off your chest.”

“Why are you being like this?” I said, feeling wounded. “Why are you talking to me that way?”

“What way, Liz?”

“Like you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Liz.”

“But you don’t love me anymore?”

His nostrils flared but he didn’t respond.

“Hugh!”

“I know you’re sick, Liz,” I heard him say. “I get that, but it doesn’t take away what you did.”

“What did I do?”

“The fact that you’re asking me that assures me that you’re even sicker than I thought.”

“I’m not sick, Hugh,” I hurried to tell him. “I’m fine, I promise. I’m just…” Shaking my head, I choked out an awkward laugh. “I don’t know what I am.”

Devastation filled his eyes. “I begged you, Liz.”

“You begged me what?”

Giving me his back, Hugh walked into the kitchen and stared out the closed patio doors. “I fucking begged you to take your meds, but you couldn’t do that one thing for me.”

“So because I don’t want to feel dead inside, I’m the bad guy?”

“No, Liz, you’re the bad guy because you fucked my friend!” he roared, vibrating with tension. “You’re the bad guy because you broke my fucking heart last night!”

“Listen, don’t overreact.” I tried to reason with him, repressing the urge to roll my eyes. “It’s fine. It’s okay. You didn’t want to do it, and I did.” I shrugged. “I fixed our problem, so if you think about it, we’re in a better place than we were this morning.”

“You are un-fucking-believable.”

“Oh my God, just stop, okay!” I threw my hands up and screamed. “I said I was sorry! Why aren’t you listening to me?” Furious, I tugged on his arm, pleading with him to understand. “Is it really that deep, Hugh?”

His entire frame stiffened, and he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Ask me that when you’re you again, and I’ll tell ya.”

A car horn honked then, and I started to panic.

“Your mam’s outside.”

“No, no, no, Hugh, please!” Grabbing his arm, I pleaded with him to not make me leave. “I love you, I do, I swear I do!” Digging my heels in, I tried to stop him from walking us to the door. “Please don’t send me away.”

“You have to go home now, Liz,” he strangled out, physically picking me up and walking outside. “I can’t do this,” he told my mother, who was waiting at the car. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Hugh, sweetheart.” Mam’s eyes were laced with concern. “What happened?”

“Take her, Catherine,” Hugh begged, voice cracking. “Please just take her .”

“Where are you going?” I called after him.