Page 8

“Julie.” He slowly reached out, then ran a hand through my hair, tangling his fingers in it.

He didn’t move any closer, like this was enough for now.

“If I have what you’re saying right, you are feeling a bit weirded out by finding so many guys attractive?

The fellas would be stoked to hear that…

” I gasped at that, thinking about the consequences of opening my big mouth finally.

"But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.

Working in a very male-dominated environment, we don’t hear that a lot.

Maybe if we were a bit more sensitive and New Age, we might compliment a bloke’s six pack or whatever, but usually we’re too elbow deep in mud and grease and shit to worry too much about that.

Trust me, that’s a shed full of blokes who’d step over their mothers to hear a woman praise their looks, anything.

I mean, Jack’s told me I have a nice arse… ”

“Yeah, you do. Totally do.”

“Good to know, but it’s different coming from someone you’d like to see naked. Very, very different, and something we don’t have a lot of opportunity to hear. Something that most of us would go to great lengths to have.”

“Which is like, no pressure at all. God, I am too tired to deal with this weirdness…” I strode off, just wanting to be home.

“Julie.” He caught me around the waist, pulling me close, but not enough that our bodies would touch.

“Julie, there’s no pressure, not unless that’s what you want.

You’re not seeing it right, love. You’re in control, totally and utterly, right up until the point you don’t want to be.

Those guys in there, me, Finn, we have no say unless you say so.

With one word, you can tell us not to touch, say or pursue you ever, and it will happen.

Every other guy here will make it so, so don’t feel pressured. ”

“That’s probably the strangest thing anyone’s ever said,” I said, almost in a whisper.

It was so different to my previous experiences with men that I found it virtually impossible to believe.

I looked over his shoulder, where I could dimly hear the party going on in the hall.

In Melville, girls weren’t raised with that kind of freedom.

We were the ones who could get pregnant from teenage indiscretions, so it was up to us to make sure we went out with the ‘right’ guys.

Guys who wouldn’t push us, force us, or take what they wanted and leave us to deal with the aftermath.

Parents formed a strange surveillance society, both obsessed with what we were doing and endlessly lecturing their daughters about their responsibilities, whereas sons floated by without constraint, while having no clue what we actually did when they weren’t around.

My teenage sexual experiences happened in a totalitarian state.

Don’t let guys go too far, don’t lead them on, don’t say no at the last minute, even if you were no longer into what was happening.

Good girls didn’t. That loosened up with adulthood obviously, but still, I was bloody discreet when I slept with my trucker.

Being grist for the rumour mill in Melville meant severe consequences, until the next person stepped out of line.

I looked at Shaun’s dark outline, he seemed to honestly believe what he was saying.

If he hadn’t, there wasn’t much to stop him from taking what he wanted here.

Would anyone hear me scream? I realised I wasn’t being as careful as I thought I was.

“C’mon,” he said, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

“Let’s get you home. You don’t have to listen to me, you don’t know me from a bar of soap, but Julie…

” He turned to look at me in the darkness as we walked up the rise, Buddy gambolling off in the grass.

“I’d like the opportunity to change that. ”

We arrived at my front porch, my shoulders and left-hand side warm from his contact.

I climbed the steps, suddenly shy. What was this?

Had this become a date? He followed behind me, slow, watching me the whole time, carefully picking his way towards me and giving me every opportunity to flee inside if that’s what I wanted, something that hadn’t occurred to me until now.

He stopped just in front of me, grabbing my hand with his, holding it up, fingers loosely tangled in mine, dropping a brief kiss where our palms met.

“Can I see you again?” he asked in his low husk.

“You’ll see me at work…”

“You know what I mean,” he said, coming closer. I could feel his breath, a mix of mint and tobacco smoke on my skin.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, half in a whisper.

He drew me against him, his groan tickling my ear, his body twisting, almost in a slow, freeform dance.

I could feel the hard shift of his muscles against mine as we moved.

“Don’t ask me that right now.” His hands ran down my back and up again, restive and shifting, like he didn’t know where to put them.

“Julie…” he whispered as his lips trailed along my neck, not quite kissing.

My lungs felt tight in my chest, as if no matter how deeply I breathed, I couldn’t pull in enough air.

My heart thundered in my ears, an erratic crashing sound, but none of that mattered.

Every sense was attuned to the points where our bodies intersected, the pressure, the caresses all a maelstrom of sensation that held me captive.

He said I was in control, but I couldn’t have felt less in control right now.

Maybe that’s what spurred me to act. I reached out for his face as if in a daze, almost startled when my hand connected with his neck, my fingers sinking into the raw silk of his hair, thumb resting along the steel curve of his jaw.

I felt the muscles flex and shift as my mouth drew closer, as I drew in his breath, so close my lips tingled in response.

I let out a little whimper as I closed the distance between us, brushing my lips against his, evading his attempts to deepen the kiss.

I bestowed brief, glancing caresses, until he began to groan in frustration.

His hands tightened over my lower back, jerking me hard against him so I could feel how much he wanted this.

Him and me both. It felt a bit like losing consciousness when I kissed him properly, as everything but him dropped out of my awareness.

His hands shifted to fist into my hair as I opened my mouth against his, and his tongue was flickering out the moment I did so.

His lips felt like steel and satin, soft enough for me to sink my teeth into, pillowy and pliable, then hard and brutal.

Finally, he pulled away, gasping, his forehead resting against mine.

“We’ve…we’ve only just met,” he said.

“I know…” I said, taking little nips at his mouth, running a tongue against his lower lip.

“Julie, Julie, we need to stop or….” I didn’t want to stop. My body had given up cheering and was now ready to lie down on the nearest available flat surface, spread my legs and take him inside me. Seriously, we needed to fuck. “Just tell me…” he said.

Thinking about saying those thoughts out loud kind of jerked me out of my fever.

I pulled away, smoothed my hair back and blinked.

Yep, he was still smoking hot, and as I looked down, I got a clear outline in his jeans of what he had been thrusting against me.

I reached out a shaking hand and found my fingers partially wrapping around something big.

“Uh,” I cried. My brain rather helpfully supplied me with a 3D and full Technicolour recreation of what they thought this dick would feel like going into me.

He pushed my hand away and said, “Not unless you say you want this.”

Which of course gave my pre-frontal cortex time to kick in.

I had no idea who this guy was, what the consequences would be for sleeping with a colleague before the much-lauded talk with Kelly.

What would Finn think? I needed a job, not a boyfriend, I reminded myself.

Buddy whined to be let in, and I turned and unlocked the front door, leaving it open.

Part of me wanted him to take the need for consent away, to shove me against the wall and show me how good it would be between us, to bamboozle me with a flood of sensation that would overwhelm all my doubts.

Trouble was, that had happened before, and when I woke up those doubts were still there, even if he wasn’t.

Oh, god , I groaned internally. I was going to say no, for now at least, and I couldn't quite believe it.

He smiled, part disappointed, part hopeful. “It’s ok, I knew you’d say no. Can we pick this up tomorrow? After you’ve talked to Kelly, if you still want to hang out after work, I’ll come by. I’ll grab some food from the mess crew. I know a great spot for a picnic.”

“I’d like that,” I said. “I haven't had much of a chance to see the sights around here.”

“I’ve got something I’d like to show you,” he said in a growl, then gave me the kind of long, slow, sweet kiss you give someone you don’t want to leave. We pulled apart finally when Bud came to the door and barked. “Cock blocked by a dog,” he said. “First time in my life. So, tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”