Page 38
Kelly arrived halfway through the meal. Thankfully, I’d taken the time to pull on a robe, though the guys were still more or less in a state of undress.
Finn’s loose cotton shorts being the most formal dress, and then down to Shaun with a towel slung around his hips.
She stopped at the door, hand raised almost tentatively to knock, looking through the glass into the dining room, her brows shifting, as if she couldn’t believe her eyes.
“You look well,” she said finally, having come inside.
“A lot better than I did, right?” I said.
“Thankfully, yes. I knew you were one of us, that you’d be fine when you changed… Doc Hobbes will be very pleased to see you up and about. She’ll be by soon to give you a check-up.”
“Sit down,” I said, indicating a spare seat.
The tone of command in my voice was probably not an appropriate one, particularly as she was the leader of the community.
No one said anything, but everyone noticed it.
I could tell as the guys eyes flicked sideways and back to their plates, hands curling around cutlery.
“Would you like some breakfast? Finn’s made quite the spread. ”
“No,” she said, not making eye contact, though she made the effort to smile, “I had breakfast earlier. You must have a lot of questions.”
“Not right now,” I said, going back to cutting up my bacon. “I’m Tirian, and so are all of you. You live this side of the gateway because your ancestors came over a long time ago, and now you protect the gate from the dark wolves, like the one that bit me.”
“How did…?” Kelly’s eyes snapped up to Finn’s. “Did you…?”
“No, they didn’t have a chance to tell me much,” I said. “I had visions while the doctor kept me sedated. I saw a lot of what I was, of our history.”
“That’s remarkable. I’ve never heard of anyone doing that before.”
“Maybe it was a side effect of the black wolf’s venom. Where’s my dog?”
“Buddy is with Doc, she’s been looking after him while you’ve been ill.
I’ll have someone bring him up once we see you’ve stabilised.
This place is called the honeymoon suite, any new females who have come into their power take up residence here until she makes a decision about her pack.
It gives her the privacy and space to indulge her desires, work out what will be best for her. ”
“My pack?” I said, looking around at the guys. “I don’t have to make a decision, I’m not relinquishing any of them. As long as they want to, they stay here.”
Shaun’s face transformed, his smile so bright and intense I almost had to blink. I’d never seen anyone look so happy at something I’d said before. I caught his eyes, looking into the intense blues, momentarily stunned by his reaction.
“Now, Jules…” Finn said.
My head whipped around to face him. I’d had no more than a few seconds to enjoy it, and someone was talking to me in that ‘be reasonable’ tone.
“Jules, we all want to be here…” he said, and one by one, every guy made it very clear that he spoke for them, “but a pack takes more than just desire. We’ll be together for many, many years.
Children may well come. You are making decisions about the future fathers of your children. ”
“Don’t talk to me like that,” I said in a low growl. “Don’t ‘manage’ me, don’t give me the ‘see reason’ talk…”
“The feelings after the first change are very, very intense,” Kelly said. “I think your wolf is quite dominant, she’s rubbing off on you, which is a good thing. We need more strong women in the community, but Jules, he’s right…”
“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. That’s not what I’m disputing. I don’t like being talked down to.”
Kelly sighed and then rubbed her hand over her face, suddenly looking very, very tired.
“Whatever decision you make, we will respect. As long as all of the members of the pack are willing, I won’t stand in your way.
But if you want my advice, and you probably don’t, it is talk to the other women here.
I’ll send some of the others, Brandon’s mum would be a good one, Carissa is another.
They are also very strong, are high up in the hierarchy.
If you are willing, they will tell you their stories about their packs, how they came to their current arrangement.
You don’t have to take anything they say on, but the perspectives of those who have gone before you can be useful, sometimes. ”
I felt restive, like I wanted to get up and pace, back and forward, watching this woman, this interloper who had come into my house.
I wanted my dog and my stuff and my car with me, right now.
I didn’t want to listen, it was all very clear to me.
This was good, the shining look of hope on Shaun’s face was confirmation of that.
I was where I needed to be, with who I needed to be with, I knew that with absolute certainty.
Which alerted me to the fact something might be wrong.
I never felt this sure about anything. Decisions I made always were accompanied with a bit of healthy anxiety.
Was this right? Would I be OK with the consequences?
It was tempting, as I looked down that table at the smorgasbord of man flesh, equally on offer as the food, to just assume this was some kind of sexual nirvana I’d been moving towards all my life, but the old me shouldered her way forward for a moment and expressed concern.
I didn’t even know what a pack bond was, so how could I be ready to make one?
I didn’t really know these guys, not as people.
I felt almost a tussle inside myself, hot possessive thoughts that eyed the gap between Kelly’s hand and Finn’s on the table with great interest, along with a cooler, more sensible voice of reason that recognised it was none of my business at this point who else Finn spent time with.
I forced myself to nod, finding it difficult to get my neck to bend and I gritted out, “Set it up. Sounds like a good idea.”
“I hope it is, truly,” Kelly said. “You won’t have many women come by here for a while.
Tempers will be short as you adjust, but if you need any of us, please reach out.
I’ll go soon, but there’s one more thing I must address with you.
The other men, usually with a woman born on the reservation, they have a window of time to petition you for room in your pack.
Just talking…” she said, watching as everyone began to stiffen and shift in their seats.
“You are not in any way obligated to take any of them up on their offer, but it just helps settle the tensions with the single men if they feel they at least have a chance.”
Slade, who sat next to me, dug his fingers so hard into the table he left grooves in the wood, and Shaun’s eyes were wide with pain. When I looked at Brandon, he forced a smile and said, “You should do it. You have to know, if there’s anyone out there you’d be more compatible with.”
Finn nodded, “We’ll be here, until you don’t want us to be. You can’t jeopardise anything with us by listening. We can even be present when they petition, if you like. Whatever you need, Jules, we’re here.”
“OK,” I said, my words sounded weird and hollow inside my head, “set it up.”
“Let’s leave it for a few days, let tempers cool a bit, and then we’ll do some short sessions.”
“Fine” I said, “and what about work for me? For the guys?”
“Everyone involved is on indefinite leave until things are settled. Tensions are high. We’ve had to quell more scuffles than I can count since you shifted. I’ll be in touch.”
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