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Reality slowly reasserted itself, and both of us blinked as we glanced around at the purple and red-leaved trees, the orange rocks, the blue of the river beyond.
We could hear the trickle of the water, the rough amusement of the men as they followed Aaron’s orders.
I looked up at Brandon, noting the patient expression, and felt almost shy.
Why was that? We were connected in ways that most couples would never experience.
I reached out and took his hand, not wanting to let the weird twists of my mind dictate to me anymore.
I took a deep breath, because that’s what everyone did before meditation or shit, didn’t they?
Maybe some pan pipe music with dolphins chirruping would help.
“You’re getting nervous,” Brandon said. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll stuff this up or do something stupid, like fuse our minds together until we’re some sort of mini Borg unit. You know, ‘resistance is futile.’”
He shook his head. “Every time I think I know what you’re going to say next… Just try, Jules. For once, there’s no risk here.”
Of course, that’s not what my body thought. Any time I tried something new, my heart started to race, but I closed my eyes and took another breath, seriously this time. Just focus on my breath, like your counsellor always told you to . Then I reached for him.
In my mind, I was moving towards him, taking his hand again and moving into his physical space. But when I opened my eyes, I was in the cave again, looking around at the way the sun fell on the walls and the plants that grew there with surprise.
“Not so hard?”
“No.” I spun around, seeing the brilliant crystalline quality of the air. “Do ya reckon I could do this with all of the guys?”
“You’ll need to. We all will. According to Sylvan, improving the connections between us is the key to success.”
“And we all do the bidding of seers…” I said, half to myself, but my eyes jerked right when I was answered by silence. Fuck.
“I’m sorry?—”
“Don’t be,” he said. Brandon had an expression I’d rarely seen on anyone else—the ability to face down something that hurt him, the pain plain, but with no hunching avoidance or angry response.
He just stepped up and took the hit and kept on going.
“Jules, this will take a while. You’re all going to be touchy and weird about the seer thing, maybe forever.
I’d rather you just bloody said what’s on your mind, rather than pulling away. ”
“That goes for all of us, doesn’t it?” I asked. He nodded, and it was then I saw the breach of his composure. I pulled him into a hug.
“What are you guys doing, just sitting here?”
Reality came flooding back again at the sound of an outside voice.
Aaron was standing beside us, looking faintly irritated.
He’d asked us to try and work out how to enter other peoples’ minds, so no time like the present.
I grabbed his hand, feeling the weight of it, the rough calluses across his palm.
“Reach for him,” Brandon said, which must have been confusing for Aaron as I already had, but that was nothing compared to what happened next.
“What the fuck?” he said, the view around us having transformed into Brandon’s cave again. “What did you just do?”
“Looks like that was a success,” Brandon said. “Aaron, it's OK. You asked us to practise entering each other’s psychic space, and we have. I pulled Jules into mine, she pulled you into hers.”
“So, none of this is real?” Aaron squinted as he inspected the cave.
“Nope,” he replied, and made the plants and rocks fly through the air as he had with me. “Change it. This is a shared space now.”
“How the hell do I do that?”
“Think about the pack and your bond with Jules. Where would you want her to be? If you could create anything you wanted, what would it be?”
“Anything?” There was something fragile about the way Aaron spoke the words as he watched the plants swirl around him. “OK, then this.”
The cave expanded so rapidly, it was kinda dizzying to watch, then it transformed into stone blocks rather than a natural formation.
Spires and turrets grew, with armoured men filing in to take up position on the ramparts.
Red carpet spread across the floor, and a golden throne appeared down the end of it.
Aaron blinked when he saw it all appear, as if unable to believe his vision was taking form in front of him.
“You want to be the king of the castle?” I said with a smirk, but Brandon shook his head. Aaron’s eyes jerked over to me and then slid down my body. I looked down, confused, and saw instead of my beloved jeans and a t-shirt, I wore a gown stiff with gems and lace.
“OK, this isn’t real, right? I’m not going to be wearing this when we come back to reality?” I plucked at the fabric and imagined trying to run away from alien creatures dressed in a bloody ball gown.
“Calm down,” Brandon said, rubbing my back, though I barely felt that through the layers of fabric. “Just respect the fact he sees you as his queen.”
I glanced over at Aaron, and struggled to meet his gaze, for good reason.
That bloody expression they all took on in moments like this, it was hard to look upon.
I’m not sure why, though perhaps it was because we are so unused to seeing men be truly vulnerable, we’re not as comfortable with it.
Whatever the reason, I ached to see his face look so completely naked, so I dove towards him, rustling monolith of fabric that I was, and wrapped my arms around him as I buried my head in his chest.
This was better, safer, as I felt his arms do the same. The hum of our bond was stronger here for some reason, perhaps because it wasn’t diluted by the outside noise. I screwed my eyes up tight, feeling the waves of affection coming off him and sending across my own.
I knew when Brandon came closer by the curious, wary but kinda turned on note in the bond.
Aaron’s arms tightened around me, as if he was scared somehow Brandon would take me from him.
We had talked several times about moving beyond this, but now, some action was needed.
I turned in Aaron’s arms, placing a hand on one arm as it snicked around my waist, but I held the other out and Brandon took it, his face carefully schooled to blankness.
We were hurting him, over and over. I didn’t like what he’d hidden from us, but it was time to either let him go or start moving down that road of acceptance.
“He can feel it, all of it,” I said. “Down the bond, through our expressions and actions. We’re joined now, as a pack.
There is no private place to have your doubts or nurse suspicions.
As difficult as it is to deal with, having a huge impact on each other is our default setting.
We can’t keep hurting Brandon like this. ”
Anger, frustration, and shame immediately roared through my link to the men, on both sides.
Something larger and smothering tried to shunt that to one side, but that wasn’t going to work, not this time.
I was as much a fan of pretending serious emotional disturbances weren’t happening as anyone else, but we were going to have to face this head on.
“Tell him what you thought about him being a seer,” I said to Aaron.
That was interesting. I saw his eyes narrow slightly, his jaw flexing as he considered my words. The knights he had imagined up on the turrets, protecting this castle he’d created, all turned towards us, drawing their longbows.
“Aaron,” I said with a warning growl.
“It’s fine,” Brandon said, and stepped away. He threw his arms wide, glancing around the castle, watching the arrows be pulled back.
“No,” I said, and I couldn’t keep the tears from my voice.
This wasn’t real, no one was actually going to shoot Brandon, but that’s not how it felt.
“No, no, no!” I leapt in front of Brandon right at the moment the arrows were let fly.
For a second, I felt the bolts slam into his back before they did the same into mine.
My breath caught in my chest as I was smashed by wave after wave of violent emotion.
Suspicion, low and slinking, wrapped around us like bony curs, snarling at any kind of positive thought, laughing at my feeble attempts to reassure Aaron—or even myself—that Brandon did what he thought was right.
Anger, great raging fires swept through us, burning out all other emotions, until all that was left was a barren desert.
Fear whipped through, stirring up the ashes, forcing the negative spiral to build again.
Then, as each wave finally died down and all three of us were left bent down low and gasping for breath, there it was—a small, pulsing, vulnerable ball of dim red light.
It mewled in the darkness that followed, calling for help but not expecting it.
I crawled through the wasteland we had created towards the only point of light. Its cries raked over my nerves, dragging sympathetic tears from my eye sockets. The going was so slow, every movement of my body a Herculean effort.
This place isn’t real. Physics and reality don’t exist . Brandon’s words came back to me, echoing in my head. If it wasn’t real, why did it hurt so much?
Fine , I thought, bring me that light.
It rushed towards me, slamming into my chest and leaving me spread eagled in the dust. I took one shuddering breath, then another, then I felt the glow.
ET had nothing on me. I peered down at my chest and saw the glow get brighter and brighter until it flared suddenly, and I was forced to close my eyes, putting my arm over them to block the glare.
“I trusted you…”
I jerked my arm down to see the space has transformed again.
Now, it was a soft grey that was soothing and desolate by turns.
It made the two men stand out all the more, even though they would always draw my eye.
I noted their stances, Aaron leaning toward Brandon, and the other man standing stiff and straight.
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