Page 214

I can do this, I can do this , I thought as I stood at the entrance to the mess hall.

“Are you OK, honey?”

Maisie, the head cook, stood next to me, looking out at the tables upon tables of men.

Good-looking men. Very good-looking men, who were single, likely to feel an uncontrollable desire to have sex with me if I went into heat, and may be potential mates.

I looked down at the tray of fried eggs I was holding and took a deep breath.

“I will be,” I replied belatedly.

“OK, well put them out and then start picking up plates. Finn’s talked to the guys. No one’s going to get inappropriate with you. You have any trouble? You come to me.”

She tapped a stainless steel ladle in her hand and scanned the crowd.

OK then.

I’d met Finn briefly, a tall guy with grey eyes who was one of Jules’ mates. He seemed like a nice guy. This will be fine , I thought, then took another deep breath and walked out.

I felt their eyes on my skin as I strode over to the bain-maries, zeroing in to where I could see there was an empty spot. I walked past a line of men, each with a plate in their hands, but they weren’t looking at the food.

Walk, walk, walk…

“Excuse me,” I said when I reached the empty spot, men clustered on either side.

“No probs, love,” a deep voice said.

I glanced up to see a tall man with deep brown skin and a long tail of brown dreadlocks step back, the men around him quickly doing the same, until there was a wide path leading up to the metal servery.

Almost an honour guard. I nodded my thanks, then moved up, ignoring the fact that my fingers were shaking, before I placed the tray over the hot steamy water and then stepped back.

“These look delicious,” another guy said with that selfsame bulky muscular body.

God, no wonder they wanted eggs. These guys had to be on a solid protein diet to maintain such physiques.

I realised my eyes were sliding over the mass of muscular bodies in front of me, just standing there dumbly as they began to grin, before I snapped myself out of it.

I smiled—because as a woman, what else did you do when things were awkward?

—and stepped away, walking quickly over to the cleaning station.

I wrapped my hands around a trolley handle and focussed on my breath.

In and out…in and out , I told myself. Stay here, stay grounded.

You stupid fucking bitch!

Rick’s voice was a whip crack, cutting through the ambient noise. I jumped at the sound of it, as if he was just there at my shoulder, and my eyes darted around.

Nope, not there. Here, in the mess, with all of these guys.

Me stalking towards Rick with that ashtray in my hand.

Nope, I’m walking towards the empty table, gonna scrape those plates clean.

My ears felt full, my head swollen, as everything started to sound echoey and distorted.

The blood seeping into the carpet. So, so red.

“Let me help you with that,” a guy said as he slid onto the vacant bench seat, pulling the leftover plates towards him and scraping the contents onto one, before he stacked the others neatly.

I frowned and then shook my head, reality asserting itself with an abruptness that made my head spin.

I could see the big strong hands as they moved, his short crop of brown hair.

“Bloody grubby bastards, leaving their shit here to be cleaned up. We cleaned our plates for you over there.”

He pointed to a table where a cluster of men all sat there watching us, a stack of tableware sitting in the middle of them.

“Right,” I said, finding my voice. “Well, thanks…?”

“Keith,” the guy said with an impish smile, as if that had been his goal all along.

“Well, it's nice to meet you, Keith, but I’ve got this. You wouldn’t want me coming to your place of employment and doing your work, would you?”

He stilled at that, a terrible heat rising in his eyes, causing me to step backwards for a second.

The ashtray in my hand, I can feel it.

He can’t hurt you. None of them can.

“Love, you wanna come and repair fences? Well, apart from the fact you’d have a bloody riot on your hands, I think you’d look damn cute in high vis…”

I grit my teeth, took a deep breath in, and then let it out again.

“Piss off, Keith,” another man said. I turned to see a guy in work gear with a long ponytail of blond hair pulled back from an almost pretty face.

He held a big bowl of cereal in one hand.

“Sorry, Flick, is it?” I nodded. “I’m Shaun.

The fellas, they’re a bit…” He frowned for a moment.

“They’re a bit over excited, seeing a new woman in the hall.

Just be straight with them. Tell Keith to piss off back to his job, which he is late for. ”

“Fuck off, Shaunie,” Keith sneered.

“Fuck off, Keith. Mick’ll have your balls if you turn up late again.”

“Yeah, but maybe Flick will?—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Shaun said with a growl, then he put a spoonful of cereal into his mouth as if to belie the menace in his voice.

“Actually, all of you who are due at work, get your bloody arses into the trucks.” His voice rose, reverberating through the shed, cutting through the noise.

“Flick’ll be here at lunch, if you behave yourself.

Losing your job isn’t gonna make you a more desirable mate, so get. ”

I watched in amazement as a bunch of guys got to their feet and ambled towards the door, even as they shot us looks over their shoulders. I found the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding eased out at the thinning of the numbers.

“Just show ’em who’s boss,” Shaun said to me, pointing to the doorway with his spoon. “Be clear about what you want, and don’t be afraid to tell ’em.”

“Well, thanks,” I said, feeling a little flustered. He was so matter of fact about it all. “I…appreciate it.”

The spoon paused mid scoop, and those bright blue eyes stared into mine for a second before he forced them away.

He shook his head and said, “No thanks needed. I…I’m happy to help.”

And with that, he ambled off to go and sit in a corner—on his own, I noted—to finish his cereal and coffee.

So I got to work. People still watched me, I could feel that, but I tried not to let it worry me.

I jerked and started at the strangest things, heard things that weren’t there, but weirdly, the more I focussed on what I was doing, the less intrusive they became.

I worked methodically, clearing the tables, filling the tubs, and then bringing them into the kitchen.

“You did well,” Maisie said when I arrived back into the kitchen with the last tub. “Now, time to get started on those dishes.”

I’d worked as a waitress back at uni, so while it took a bit to get my speed back up, I was pushing the racks through the dishwasher and replacing the now clean, warm porcelain back into the many stacks on the shelves in no time.

There was a kind of mindlessness to it, coupled with a background ambience of bustle and savoury smells that lulled my fears for a moment.

Then Maisie said, “Time to put out the lunch dishes!”

I jerked my head up and saw several women were moving towards the serving area, grabbing trays of hot food or platters of sandwiches. I walked over to help.

“How’re you coping?” one of the serving girls said with a cheeky grin. “I’m Sheila.”

“Flick and fine. I’m not fast enough yet but?—”

“Doesn’t matter. The guys are patient, especially for a woman still looking to take on more mates. Just smile, and you’ll find most of ’em will give you whatever you want.”

Peace of mind? The ability to feel comfortable in my own skin? I thought as we walked in, but as I saw the mass of them milling between the tables, I knew that wasn’t on offer.

There was something hot about a guy that worked with his hands. Was it because that’s what I associated all those rippling muscles with? Work shirts were rolled up over well-formed forearms, above suspiciously clean hands. Big heavy boots shifted on the concrete floor as they waited.

“Sends you all a-flutter, doesn’t it?” Sheila said with a nod to the guys. “We put on a buffet for them, they put one on for us.” My eyes jerked up, scanning the men who watched us move, a few low groans reaching us as we bent over to deposit the trays.

“A-flutter?” I said, frowning for a second as we walked back to the kitchen. “I guess.”

“Not feeling it? I might not either if I had that to go home to.”

She jerked a thumb at the line where I saw Aidan and Peter watching me just as closely as the other guys, though hunger sat side by side with worry. I found myself smiling before I could even think about it, my feet skipping across the floor as I ran to them.

“Flick…”

I wasn’t sure which one of them said my name, all ache and love, but I threw myself into their arms, and they closed them around me.

“God,” Aidan said, burying his nose in my hair. “How long’s it been? It feels like days.”

“Too long,” Peter agreed. “How’s it going?” His eyes raked along the group of men. “Have they been behaving?”

“Yeah, it's been fine,” I said, swallowing as that steadily flickering fire of fear spiked for a second. It was as if noticing it made it flare to life. The two of them looked at me in concern. “It was always going to be hard, but I’m doing my exercises and getting through.”

“Good, love,” Peter said, smoothing my hair back.

“Well, I better get back to it. Otherwise, you’ll all go hungry,” I said, going to pull away.

“Not what I’m hungry for,” he rumbled in response, his hand sliding down to my butt.

“Damn, don’t say shit like that,” Aidan said. “She smells so fuckin’ good.”

“Good?” I spluttered. “More likely of dirty dishes.”

“And horny girl,” he said, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips.

“Flick!” I turned around to see Maisie standing there. “Grab the last of the dishes, and then you can take a break with your mates.”

“Shit, I’m sooo sorry…” I said as I approached her.