Page 185

Jack

Earlier that day.

I slid from the pack bed, trying to get out from under the covers and the tangle of bodies without waking any of them.

It was still dark outside, so it was unlikely.

They rarely did, and it was usually just Hawk.

I’d send him back to sleep with a kiss before getting away.

Buddy boy looked at me from his bed on the floor.

I reached down and ruffled his fur before opening the door and slipping out.

Outside the room, I felt like I could breathe for the first time, my chest loosening, my lungs actually filling for what felt like the first time in forever.

I went to the fridge to pull out some snacks and drinks, and saw a bag with my name on it.

I pulled it out with a little frown that smoothed away when I saw what it was.

Hawk had packed me a lunch of the leftovers, and even put a couple of beers in there.

I hugged that bag like a fucking child, something that just made me itch in response, looking back at the hall that led down to the bedroom where my mates slept.

Go back , my heart told me. Climb into bed with them, tangle your limbs with theirs, and reach for them . But I shook my head. I had things to do, places to go. I gripped the bag tight and slipped outside the front door like a thief in the night.

If I’d felt relief leaving the bedroom, nothing compared to this.

I jumped out of the car and walked across the open meadow, the sun just starting to rise above the trees, sending golden fingers of light over the grass and flowers.

It’d taken me a while to find this place, the memory of the vision we’d all shared before going to Leifgart burnt into my mind, of seeing our child in our mate’s arms. I squinted against the sunlight, partially due to the harshness of the sun, partially because thinking of our little girl hurt me.

She made my chest ache and my lungs struggle to suck air in, leaving me fucking breathless before she was even born. What hope did I have when she was here?

I cracked open one of the beers, an eminently bad idea, and swigged from it as I walked down the slope to where it stood.

I sat down cross-legged, the wet of the dew on the grass making my jeans damp, but I didn’t care.

I looked up at it, at what I’d built, been building for so many weeks.

The young trees were bound together in a series of arching shapes I’d worked hard to cultivate, trimming back superfluous branches, forcing the plants to put all their energy into the few limbs I left, and intertwining each.

When you finish it, she will come , my Tirian said.

Inscrutable little fuck. I’d asked if it was Jules or the baby, but he never said. They never did. Apart from strength, a killer sex drive, and the need to shift every full moon or so, Tirian always seemed like useless bastard things. Well, I knew all about useless things.

I pulled open the tool bag I’d brought down here, retrieving the wrapped package Kieran had given me, nails, and a hammer.

I shook my head when I looked at each little tile he’d made, carving a simple scene on the surface.

I shuffled through until I found the one I was looking for, rubbing my thumb across the surface.

I put a nail in my mouth, savouring the metallic tang for a second as I considered what I was about to do, then walked into the bower, the trees already well over my head and forming a nice little windbreak from the brisk morning breeze.

I looked at the woodworker’s depiction of the moment I told Jules I loved her, then raised my hammer, placed a nail in the neatly bored hole and then hammered it into the central tree.

Tap, tap, tap. I stepped back and considered it, the echo to the past it represented and the way forward.

The pack was a bower? Well, I was fucking gonna make them one.

And we were going to fill it, as far as I was concerned.

Already, I had visions of leading our chubby handed little daughter down to here, letting her deposit the little treasures she found, of pretty pebbles and feathers and strange twists of bark, of bringing her to be on her own for a bit when she was a grumpy teen just like me, of seeing her take her own pack, the ceremony held under these trees’ boughs as the moon shone above.

I didn’t have anything else to give Jules, I knew that.

Hawk cooked and fussed, Aaron would keep them safe, and Finn would tell us where we needed to go.

Brandon would soothe her while watching over the dynamic of the pack, and Slade?

Well, I knew he was making her the practical things she needed in Kieran’s workshop, but what could I do?

In my mind I saw it, all the times I’d rubbed Jules up the wrong way, all the ways I had yet to.

If my daughter was anything like her mother, and I hoped she would be, I’d be pissing off the both of them on the regular, and would have to leave it to my better, dark half to smooth their feathers down.

But maybe… I looked up at the trees, at the way the leaves ruffled in the light.

Maybe I could build something to remind them that I loved them, no matter what.

I shook my head as I selected the next tile, then hammered that into place, then the other.

“You’re shutting her out,” Hawk had said to me one night as we sat under the tree at home, staring at the sky. “Me too.”

“I know, love,” I said, and pulled his head down into my lap. I drew my fingers through that heavy fall of hair, loving the feel of it against my skin.

“Why can’t you…?”

His words fell away as I stared into his eyes. He knew, I knew, the whole pack knew. Blokes like Slade hadn’t wanted me in the pack, and with good reason. I was hard to be around.

“You’re doing this for her?” My beloved’s eyebrows creased. “That’s not what she ? —”

“Maybe not, but when have I ever done what’s right?” I replied, feeling that same twist inside me as I smiled. It was bitter and sweet all at the same time, that thrill of not meeting people’s expectations yet again, yet wanting to with everything I had.

I worked until they were all up, then tossed the tools down, sitting down beside it. I closed my eyes, feeling the sun beat down on me now it was higher in the sky, and then just breathed, tuning into that weird sense I’d carried back with me since we came home.

Death and rebirth , I thought. Death and rebirth.

Green tendrils grew in my mind, just as they had when we’d all been connected as a pack, but this time, they grew with a purpose.

Rather than eat up the darkness, they created a latticework of vegetation in my mind’s eye, the branches of each tree—one for each of us—growing and interlinking, getting stronger from each point of connection, pulling each up towards the light, growing and growing until?—

She is coming.

Both my Tirian, now white as the driven snow, and the Great Wolf looked out at me.

Makes sense , I replied. She’s so close. She’ll be safe, right? That’s what this was for.

She bears the child we need , the Great Wolf replied.

I’m sure you mean that as reassuring, but it’s really not. That’s my bloody kid you’re talking about.

We all have our roles to play.

But not her, not my baby. I saw that moment I’d seen in my mind, of my daughter grown and dancing in the moonlight with her pack. She has her whole life ahead of her!

As have you. Has it been so bad? Have you not flourished beyond all expectations, yours included? I favoured you and your pack above all others. You have shaped destiny.

Yep, and I don’t want that for my daughter. I want her to be bored out of her pretty little head with how banal everything is. I want her itching for adventure because she’s had this totally safe, nice childhood. I want to hug her and love her and protect her from the fucking world.

Your daughter will need all of this. She will not be the same as others, as others you may have.

She will need a father like you, who has known this feeling of being ill fitting, just as she will need her others.

Maybe she meant that as reassuring, but it wasn’t at all.

I growled at the memory of some of the stuff I’d been through.

That wasn’t happening to my girl, even if I had to fight the whole fucking world to get her acceptance.

Then let me offer what you did not have—a choice. When she is grown and comes into her own, she can choose to take up my offer or not. Agreed?

Those green eyes stared into mine, implacable as stones.

Do I have any choice? She laughed that toothy, soundless wolf laugh. Guess not. I shook my head, the crux of the matter coming to me now. You keep Jules, our kids, our pack safe, and I’ll do whatever’s needed, I promise. Deal?

You have a deal, Jack, son of Kelly.

“Jack!”

The Great Wolf and the dream bower all dropped away as I heard the call, and was replaced by a much bigger real life bower.

I turned to see the lot of them, my pack coming down the slope, Buddy running on ahead.

A flicker of movement at the tree line caught my eye, several of the matriarchs stepping out, including my grandmother, Ophelia.

So, it was time, then. I got to my feet, grabbing the tool bag and slinging it into the tray of the ute when I went to meet them, grabbing out the thick bedroll I’d stored for just this moment.

“Love, you should’ve seen?—”

Hawk reached me first, Finn and Aaron helping our mate to traverse the gentle slope, his hand going to my arm.

I saw his eyes stray past my shoulder, saw the moment they went wide with surprise.

Then I sucked up that glorious rush of emotion pouring out of my love as he worked out what he was looking at.

“This is… You made…you made a bower?”

“Another one, a better one. Made it from eight trees,” I said.

“One for each of us…” he said. “Including the baby.”