Page 78

I sobered up when we pulled up in the temporary car park. A lot of cars bristling with tools and equipment had been left on a small rise, the team building a fence up and over it. I didn't see Shaun, but my heart started to pound as soon as Hawk put the parking brake on.

"He's hurting. Just keep that in mind. You don't have to put up with his shit, and I won't let him make you his emotional punching bag. Just...go in not having too many expectations."

"It's not about me," I said, looking down at my hands.

"OK, well, come with me. I'll find Mick, the leading hand. I need to have a word with him, and he should know where Shaun is."

We wove our way through the cars and trucks, Buddy at my heels. I stopped for a second when we came out the other side, the open landscape making me feel curiously vulnerable. That only intensified when I saw the group of workers.

Groups of men in work gear, was there anything more intimidating? Admittedly, when they turned around, none of them called out what they would do to me if they had a chance. But the intensity of that collective stare was enough to make me wonder if they were thinking it.

"Hawk," a guy with wavy auburn hair said with a nod, coming forward. "Jack said you wouldn't be in for a bit. Said he gave you to Julie?"

This earned me a quick side glance, all the time it seemed for his crinkling grey eyes to take me in. His mouth twisted into a slight smile.

"You know Jack, always pulling stunts. The matriarchs are upholding it, though."

"Yeah, Kelly rang through after Jack did. He really sick?" Hawk shrugged. "Well, tell him to get his arse into work tomorrow, or he can find something else to do. Plenty of blokes who petition and hold down a job."

"We had some...developments last night that would have made him useless today. You wouldn't want him on the end of a sledgehammer, Mick."

Micks' eyes slid back to me, an eyebrow raising.

"Not that kind of development," I said.

"That right?” Mick turned to me. “Well, it’s smoko time. Care to have a coffee with me and tell me about it?"

I rocked back on my heels, a nervous laugh bursting from my chest. His stare was gentle, inviting, waiting for me to respond, so I stared right back. He had a kind of big, spare body, and my eyes took in the finely wrought hands and the veins snaking up his well-muscled forearms.

"Um... I'm flattered, really." I glanced up when Hawk took a step towards me. "You seem like a nice bloke, and your approach has been much more appealing than many guys…"

"I'm sensing a but is coming."

"But I'm struggling to deal with the guys I have right now. This has been a lot to adjust to."

"Seems you should be doing more to help her," Mick said, staring into Hawk's eyes.

Hawk's thumb shoved itself into my back pocket, and he drew me into the curve of his side.

"Gimme a chance. Haven't even been there for a day yet."

"Well, if you ever get sick of that dickhead, Jack, you know my offer is still on the table." Mick's eyes were just as warm as they took in Hawk as when they had inspected me. "Especially with such a lovely new addition."

Mick plucked up my fingers and brushed his lips across them before I even had a chance to react, his wicked smile making it plain he'd planned for exactly that.

"Um... while you're being all helpful and stuff, I need to see Shaun."

I watched his expression change, from open and friendly to a little sad.

"He didn't pull up well this morning. We've got him sorting nails right now. Should be at home, really."

"I'm sorry, this is probably interrupting your work day. Maybe I should catch him after work?"

Mick considered the idea for a second and then shook his head.

"He's not much use to us. More here to get his mind off things, I think. He's down the bottom of the rise, in the big green supplies van.”

"I know where that'll be," Hawk said.

"Yeah, well, I've got to get these idiots working before they all blow on the spot. You know where to find me if you change your mind."

His words were deliberately ambiguous, but Hawk just shook his head and steered me away.

"That happen to you a lot?" I asked.

"Mick? Or guys in general?"

"Both, I guess."

"Some. More now that you're here. Word is out you don't mind a bit of guy on guy, so some blokes are creating alliances, hoping that'll be enough to catch your eye, but Mick.

.." He glanced back over his shoulder. "He likes me, doesn't like Jack, and has made it plain he's ready to swoop in if Jack fucks up.

I'm not sure if he's flirting with you to get to me, or vice versa. "

We walked the rest of the way down the rise in a comfortable silence, the feel of his hand in my pocket a constant reminder of his presence. He didn't withdraw it until we reached the truck in question.

"Do you want me to stay or go?"

He stared at me, eyes squinting in the sun's glare. I wanted him to stay, or insist we go home and dive into the dramas there, if that's what it took to avoid this. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what was to come.

"I need to do this, and he wouldn't appreciate an audience, I'm sure. Just...hang around in the vicinity, maybe?"

I was grasping at straws, I knew it, but he nodded, lighting a cigarette and going to chat with some guys working nearby. Buddy stayed with me, a little furry shadow as I walked round to the other side.

They weren't pulling any punches. Shaun looked like shit.

His beautiful blond hair was lank and stringy, scraped back into a messy knot, and his forehead was studded with dots of perspiration.

His eyes looked swollen, his skin pasty, but he methodically counted nail after nail, putting them in one box or another.

I think he sensed me before I came over, as his hand stilled.

He smiled for a moment when Buddy bounded over, giving him a brief pat on his head.

"Wasn't sure if I'd see you again," he said as I drew closer. "Was kinda hoping I wouldn't."

"I'm sorry, Shaun, for last night, for everything."

"And that's it, huh? What's it been, a month and a bit? Just, sorry, Shaun, but no thanks."

"I had no idea that was going to happen until it did. My Tirian?—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know how the beasts work. Got one of my own, haven't I? Mine liked yours just fine." He tossed the nails he was holding into a random box. "What're you doing here, Julie? Trying to placate your conscience? You made it clear it's not gonna happen anymore, job done."

"You're right, we did have a month together.

You helped me find my feet here, helped keep the petitioners from my door when I went through the first change.

It's not so much about my conscience, and more that I feel an obligation.

I don't know what you need. Maybe you want to yell at me, get something off your chest?—"

His laughter when it came was caustic, a weird expression on him.

He'd always been an easy guy to have around, he just fit in with whatever was going on.

He'd been all sexy and smouldery when I first met him, then a straightforward nice guy who read romance novels on the DL when that didn't work.

I frowned slightly. When I summarised him like that, he just sounded like a composite of the other guys.

Who was Shaun, really? I was about to find out.

When he climbed out of the back of the van, that atavistic fear a big guy can strike in the heart of a woman reared its ugly head.

You're stronger than him , I told myself, holding my ground through will alone. He approached me slowly, cocking his head and eyes raking down my body, his expression making it evident that he didn't like what he saw.

"So I need to 'work through my issues' now I'm denied entrance to the golden pussy, do I?"

"No, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"That's right, I don't. Don't have to watch you fawn over those fucking blokes, like they've got anything I don't. Don't have to watch you panting like a dog in heat, taking it in every hole.

Taking it up the arse yet, sweetheart? No?

Well I'm sure Brandon's got that on his little to do list. I took a fucking beating for you, got turned into mincemeat by blokes I'd have considered brothers the night before, and for what?

It wasn't even that my performance was sub-par, or that you didn't think I was attractive.

You just forgot me, nothing more than a little footnote on your glorious path to finding your mates.

Just toddle off, Shaunie. Be a good little boy until some other cunt deigns to pay me attention. "

"Shaun."

His head whipped around at Hawk's growl.

"Got you panting after her as well, does she? And how long is it before Jack's drinking himself into a stupor beside me? He fucking loves you, has always loved you."

"And I'll always love him. Splitting up isn't on the table."

"You wait, you fucking wait. You have no idea what you're tangling with.

They're sweet smelling assassins, sucking you in and then ripping the ground out from beneath you. Jack can be a dickhead, but you know he’s loyal to you.

Not like these fucking bitches." Buddy started to bark at him, jumping into the gap between us. "Fuck off, you mongrel piece of shit!"

I watched in horror as he kicked out at my dog. Buddy leapt out of the way, taking position in front of me, teeth bared.

"Shaun, pack your shit and fuck off home.

" Mick strode over, voice flat as a tack.

He held up a hand when the man tried to argue.

"You're fucking useless here today, you know it.

You've got a three-day RDO. Try to pull yourself together in a way that doesn't shame your family.

If the matriarchs in your family heard you just now?—"

"They'd do fucking what?" he snapped. His eyes jerked down to where Mick pulled out a mobile phone. "You're going to narc to Mummy on me?"

"You need someone to take care of you, because you clearly aren't going to."

"I just need you, all of you, to wake the fuck up. There's more of us than them. We don't have to put up with this shit. The humans have the right idea, keep them in their damn place. We could run things like the black?—"

"Don't say it," Hawk snarled. "Do not fucking say it. You're hurt, most of this can be passed off as bruised feelings. But you go there, and you're risking exclusion."

"Like I fucking care. I'd rather go through the gate, try my luck."

Mick turned to me. "I'm sorry you went through that, but you should go.

He's not in his right mind. Probably still drunk, if the stink on him is anything to go by.

You tried, but he's not ready to accept what you're giving.

" I just stood there, completely stunned. “Take her and go. If the matriarchs arrive and find her here, they’re gonna have his nuts.”

Hawk nodded and wrapped an arm around me, almost sheltering me with his body as he walked me back to the car. Buddy seemed to sense my mood, his curling tail going limp as he trailed after us.

I was proud of myself. I didn't cry until we were in the car.