Page 138

“But it’s not just about Hawk. If he’d never come into my life, if it was just me and you…

” I watched his eyes shift, his throat bob as he mustered the words.

“I’d want to be by your side. I’m a cunt to be around, I know, but you unpack that bullshit and see what’s going on underneath all that.

I trust that I can’t scare you off, that you’ll keep coming and coming until you’re so far under my skin, I can’t imagine life without you.

” His forehead came to rest on mine, so I could feel his breath on my lips.

“I’m not the hearts and flowers guy. But, Jules, when you come and talk to Hawk, I’m listening.

I’ll look like I’m watching TV or working on a bike, but I’ll be listening, and I’ll be savouring the conversations the two of you have like you’re having them with me.

I trust that you’ll wait for me to get to the point that I can put down the bullshit and start actually being a part of this. ”

Fuck. My heart felt like he’d sliced it to ribbons, my eyes welling with tears I didn’t understand.

He watched, listened to me fighting the sobs that came, then yanked me close when I couldn’t.

Somehow, in this imaginary space he’d created inside another imaginary space, my tears spread and wet his shirt, plastering it to his chest as his hands stroked my head and I let all of it out.

It wasn’t until the tears had finally petered out and I was starting to pull myself together that I really understood Jack.

“I get it now,” I said, nodding. “I think I know what you were feeling. I want so much to be everything you’ve just said, to deserve your trust in me, and I’m terrified I won’t be.”

“You don’t have to be perfect, love,” he said. “No one can expect that, least of all me. But you admit when you fuck up and you try to make things right, which is what I need to learn how to do.” He sighed. “I guess we’ve got to be willing to try. You in?”

Some of Jack’s usual cocky grin returned, his eyes dancing with the challenge he was laying down. That only widened when he heard me growl. “Of course I’m in, you idiot. I think I’ve been halfway in since you came to the honeymoon house.”

“When you fucked Shaun on the table in front of us? Fuck, don’t bring that up. I dunno if I’d ever been so hard. I blew within record time and stayed hard all fucking day.” His kisses grew deeper, hungrier, our fingers clawing at each other. “What’s sex like in this place?”

“Amazing, endless, limited only by your imagination.”

“Fuuuck…” he moaned, pushing himself away from me. “Stop, foul temptress. We gotta get back, everyone’ll be freaking out. Promise you’ll come to our tent tonight if you can.”

“Wanna give it a go?” I said with a cheeky smile, but his smile softened.

“Nah, I just wanna fall asleep knowing the two of you are with me, safe.”

“I want some of this sweetness when we go back to the real world, Jack,” I said. “You can’t expect us to put up with bite, bite, bite all the time.”

As he nodded, the ruins slowly seeped back. Hawk was standing by us with shining eyes, his hands going to Jack's shoulders.

“Of course, love,” he said, bestowing a gentle kiss on my lips. “I love you.”

I just stood there, stunned, as he pulled back, and Hawk put his arms around him. Finn came closer, nodding at me in satisfaction.

“We need to go back to camp,” he said. “See what’s left, what can be salvaged. I dunno if we’ve got food or tents…” Aaron shook his head. “So, Jack, Hawk, and Jules with me, and we’ll take a look.”

“You taking over here?” Aaron said, his voice not entirely friendly.

“Nope. I’ve shown just how clearly I’m not fit for leading this pack.

” His hands flexed around his gun. “You’re right, all of you.

I need to make this right, and I’m never going to be able to do that without you, all of you.

We can build something strong together, move Sanctuary to a place where it doesn’t need to risk its members like this.

To a place where I never have to see any of you face anything like that ever again.

“I thought my fucking heart was going to explode when I saw those wolves attack.” I took a hesitant step towards Finn, who reached out and pulled me close, holding me to his body, resting his chin on my head.

I took a deep breath, and it shuddered out of me as I felt him for the first time in what felt like a million years.

“I was turning my back on all that was good because I didn’t feel like I deserved it anymore.

I was too…” My fingers tightened as his voice cracked, but he pulled back to look down at me.

“I was too far gone, too tainted, to touch any of you. Every fucking day, I felt that godawful need to connect with you again, and it just made me angry for reminding me how I failed.”

“I need you too,” I said.

“I know.” His gaze faltered for a moment, but he forced himself to meet my eyes.

“I fucked up. I thought if I stayed angry, stayed apart from you, from the pack, I could maintain enough rage to get me into Leifgart and liberate the men. I could divorce myself from worrying about you and the pack. What just happened made me see what kind of insanity that was. Those wolves could have taken Jules, taken any of you, and I was holding you at arm's length.” He shook his head. “I trust your judgement and experience, Aaron. I’m not going to try and usurp your position.”

“But you can use that bloody alpha whip to bring people into line if they aren’t listening,” Aaron said with a smile. “Finn, that’s gonna cause problems when we get back.”

“No, it isn’t,” I said. “I get why Sanctuary developed the way it did, since it was founded by rape victims, but things have to change. Exiling rapists and murderers is one thing, but alpha men? That’s bullshit.

” The guys didn’t exactly look confident in my speech, but I ploughed on.

“We’ll go into the human world if we have to.

I know how to navigate things there. You lot could find jobs as male strippers at the very least. No one from my pack is being sent away, ever. ”

Jack smiled at that, giving me a nod.

“And we need to collect some crystals before we go.”

We turned to see Brandon and Hicks coming down the stairs. Brandon took everything in with one glance. “They seem to amplify Tirian power.”

“They sure do,” Hawk said, holding up his arm. Both men’s eyebrows shot up at that.

“Alright, you heard the man,” Slade said. “Some big ones, a whole lotta small ones, and a seer, all in the backs of the utes, yeah?”

Both Aaron and Finn nodded.

When we finally walked free of the ruins, it’d gone both better and worse than I expected. But when Jack and Hawk shot me smiles as they headed to the ute and Finn looked at me and held out his hand for me to take, eyeing me to see if I would, I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.