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And there was a lot. His hand strayed close to his hard prick, as if to give it a few strokes, but he forced his hand to still. He just stood there and watched me check out every damn inch of him.

I knew what he’d feel like going into me.

Rick had been fairly inadequate in the dick department, though had made up for that with a talent for foreplay when he had a mind to, but I’d previously had boyfriends with a similar size.

That stretching feeling that was a tiny bit scary, where you started to question if you’d bitten off more than you could chew, but then came that deep down feeling of satisfaction, of being filled, of having every sweet spot inside you stroked with his every push.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm, something that drew snorts from both of them.

“Flick…” Peter said, his hand going to my shirt button. He paused, waiting, staring at me with those deep brown eyes as I heard Aidan slide onto the bed. I couldn’t answer him, my mouth bone-dry, so I just nodded.

With the same methodical, sensual pace of before, he undid my shirt and then pushed it off my shoulders, that flash of fear of such a large man standing over me coming and going as his fingers brushed against my skin.

I was startled by what I felt down the bond and looked up at his face to check.

That same lovely warmth spilled into me, but with it came something much, much hotter.

He wanted me so fucking much. It raged like a torrent, slamming into me and tearing my breath away.

My eyes jerked down, expecting to see him in a similar state of arousal, but he reached down and lifted my chin up, then slid the strap of my bra off my shoulder.

The backs of his fingers grazed across my skin, sending a shiver through me.

He paused, waited, then smiled when he seemed to sense it was pleasure rather than fear.

Emboldened, that huge hand spread across my collarbone, his other one pushing the other strap down.

For a moment, all I could hear was his breath and mine, coming faster, rougher, then his palm slid under the cup, covering my breast.

“So beautiful…” he rasped, pausing, waiting for my breath to slow a bit before moving. I looked up, unable to believe the reverent tone in his voice. How could anyone say something like that about me? Tears welled in my eyes, because I couldn’t believe it, because I wanted to so much.

“Flick,” he said, eyes searching my face, “I can stop.”

I didn’t want him to, but I couldn’t work out how to say that. So I reached up, pulling his head down, and then brought his lips to mine.

At first it was tentative, a brushing of lips, just getting a taste of each other. When I heard the rumble in his chest, I grew bolder, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. His hand went to my hips, pulling me up against him, taking control of the kiss as he thrust his tongue inside my mouth.

“Is this OK?”

I drew away for a second at the feel of a single finger along my spine, and saw Aidan standing behind me.

His fingers went to the clasp of my bra with a questioning look.

I nodded, not able to say anything else, my chin tipped up and back to Peter as the garment fell between us.

Then it was just my bare torso, sandwiched between the two of them.

Aidan’s mouth rained kisses along my shoulders, his fingers trailing along my skin, but Peter, he swallowed me whole.

When I pulled away, my head was spinning, my heart was pounding, and I wasn’t entirely sure if I could feel my face.

I blinked, reeling a little with the hot rush of need that pulsed through me and down the bond with Peter.

But it all felt a little out of control, as stuff was happening to me, rather than me doing what I wanted.

I stepped clear of their hands, putting my own up for a moment as I caught my breath.

You are safe. You’re in your room. The bed wasn’t made this morning.

The carpet feels soft under my feet. My breath is really loud and raspy, and those guys…

I scanned them quickly, not allowing my eyes to linger like I wanted them to.

They made it really hard to do the mindfulness activity Ophelia had taught me.

I just wanted to run my fingers over every solid inch…

Just be in the moment, and play until the point it doesn’t feel good anymore.

“Get on the bed,” I said.

“Are you sure, Flick?” Peter said.

“Maybe we should leave it at this right now,” Aidan said.

"I know what I want right now, and it’s you two, on the bed, now.”

My voice came out sharper than I’d intended, but I needed them to hear me. I was making a choice, exploring things, and they could either go along with it or tell me they weren’t keen, but I couldn’t live my life with them second guessing me all the time.

They glanced at each other and then nodded, climbing onto the bed.

I picked up Peter’s shirt, draping it over a door knob as I did the same, and stripped off my clothes.

I didn’t look at them, unable to focus on their reactions right now.

I was only naked for moments, before pulling on the shirt, the fabric’s weight welcome on my skin. Then I went to button it up and paused.

They watched every damn move I made, including my momentary pause.

I fastened one button and then left it at that, letting the fabric fall freely around me.

It shifted as I climbed on the bed and sat back on my heels when I got halfway down.

I saw Aidan swallow as he watched my shirt part around me.

“We aren’t going to take things very far right now,” I said, “but talking to Ophelia made me realise—no…remember. I used to enjoy this kind of thing, being with a lover and exploring their bodies. When it wasn’t a chore or something imposed on me, when it wasn’t…

When I had a choice. I want to exercise that choice right now.

I want…I want to touch you, stroke you until it doesn’t feel good anymore, for me or you. ”

Aidan reclined back on the pillows, hands behind his head. He gave me a slow smile and said, “Babe, feel free, whenever and however you want. What about you, Pete?”

He expected the same result, I could see that in the way he looked at the other man, but Peter wasn’t quite so open. He’d pulled a pillow over his legs by the time I’d gotten on the bed, and now we could both see the tense set of his shoulders.

I felt a pang at that. I knew it had nothing to do with me, as Ophelia had been working hard on me recognising that not everything bad that happened was my fault, but it felt like all that lovely desire I’d felt from him had dried up.

Don’t be a mind reader , I told myself. Check in with him.

I moved closer, taking his hand in mine, and when he didn’t pull away, I closed my eyes and tapped into our bond.

He still wanted me, that came at me like a freight train, but something had him spooked. It couldn’t have been his body. It was a masterwork in big heavy muscle, and yet that pillow… He frowned, but rubbed his thumb across my knuckles.

“Would you be more comfortable watching me touch Aidan?” I asked, proud of myself for keeping my voice even.

“It’s not that…” Peter started to say.

He used my hand to draw me closer, and Aidan rolled over on his side when I crawled towards them. Peter put my hand on his sternum, then slid it down to the pillow. “Let’s keep it above the waist.”

I sat back on my heels, thinking about his suggestion, then nodded.

"What about you, Aidan?” I asked.

“No,” he said with a groan, then grinned. “Yes, goddammit. We said slow.” I reached out and placed my hand on his taut stomach, the cobblestone muscles popping out when I rubbed my palm on them. “Mmm…why does that feel so fucking good?”

“Yeah?” I almost whispered, my voice dwindling away to nothing as I just felt that satin smooth skin, the rigid flesh.

It’s OK, you’re OK, you’re safe , I told myself.

And I was. That’s what they’d shown me, every day we’d been together so far.

They didn’t push me or control me or hem me in.

What was happening now was a perfect example of this.

Peter might’ve been ambivalent about this happening, while Aidan was far from it, probably wanting some long needed relief, but they lay there like lazy lions, all that coiled strength put to one side to just let me have the freedom to get to know them on a physical level as well as friends.

Aidan jumped when my nail scratched over his nipple, a long hiss coming with it. “Fuck…” he growled. “Grab it. Pinch it tight.”

That earned him a warning rumble from Peter. I shot him a grateful look, glad he was there, making sure I wasn’t pushed, but I didn’t want them to feel like they couldn’t express an opinion around me.

“You can ask,” I said to Aidan. “I just might not agree to what you want.”

His nod was swift as I tightened my fingers around that small little nub.

“Fuck,” he gasped. “I feel that in my cock. You sure about this no below the waist thing?”

He said it with a laugh, groaning when I pulled away and turned to Peter. It was tempting to take it further, but we’d agreed.

Be more stringent about boundaries. It’s not your job to please everyone , Ophelia had said. Try doing it in small ways in your life. Not taking tea if you don’t want it. Not agreeing to do things you don’t enjoy, then move onto bigger things.

Aidan had smiled though, watching me move closer to the other man, and there was something entirely unselfish in his expression. He seemed to like to watch as much as being a participant. I shifted until I faced Peter, placing a hand on his knee and then moving closer.

He didn’t give much away, it was only the rapid flex of his stomach as his breath came faster that indicated how he might feel about this.