Page 89 of The Compass Series

CONNOR

“ W hat in the world…?” Aaliyah’s words fumbled out of her mouth as we stood in my apartment.

It was the first time she’d been over since she decided to become my roommate, and the movers were just now starting to bring things inside.

She turned around and faced me, stunned. “Connor. What the heck?”

“I figured we should’ve switched bedrooms. This one is bigger.

” I’d moved all of my crap out of the bigger room because I knew it was better suited for Aaliyah.

She could easily spread out in the king-sized bed and relax to the fullest extent, which she deserved.

Plus, the whirlpool tub was better in the master bedroom, and I figured she could use some peaceful nighttime soaks to unwind from the craziness of her current life.

“There’s no way I’m taking the master bedroom. It’s yours.”

“Well, I already switched all of my clothes over to the other two spare bedrooms, so unless you want me to do that again…which, please don’t make me do that again.”

“Why?” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why would you do that?”

“I wanted you to watch the sunrises and sunsets.”

She smiled, and I loved that she was doing that.

She walked over to the bed, where a large basket sat.

Inside of the basket was a bunch of bath bombs, candles, and bags of Doritos along with a variety of snacks.

I tossed in some of my favorites, too, to enhance the snacking experience.

Plus, I tossed in a few blank notebooks and fancy pens because what was a writer without a notebook and pens?

Then the television remote because I figured that was the utmost important part of a bedroom experience.

On top of the basket was a note that read, “Welcome home, Roomie.”

Aaliyah’s fingers grazed over all of the items, and she shook her head in disbelief. She then moved her stare to the nightstands on each side of the bed where vases filled with sunflowers sat.

“Those are my favorite flowers,” she said, stunned.

“Yeah. You casually mentioned it when you came to my office to give me roses.”

“And you remembered.”

I hadn’t enough nerve to tell her that I remembered everything she told me. From her favorite flowers to the wishes she’d written in Wish Alley two years prior. Aaliyah Winters was someone I wanted to remember for the rest of time. To that day, Halloween night was still one of my favorite memories.

“I’m having a hard time believing that I haven’t had a mental breakdown somewhere along the line, and you’re just a figment of my imagination,” she said.

I chuckled and crossed my arms. “Well, don’t become sane anytime too soon. I kind of like existing in your imagination.”

“I like that you’re here, too.”

She walked around the bedroom and entered the bathroom. “Holy shit!” She came dashing out quickly. “Connor! Did you see that tub?!”

“Yeah, I saw it.”

“It’s a freaking swimming pool!”

“Don’t be dramatic. It’s more of a hot tub if anything.”

“There’s a TV hanging on the wall! Who has a TV in their bathroom?!”

“People who exist in imaginary minds of a woman who is having a mental breakdown.”

“Don’t wake me up from this trip,” she joked, shaking her head back and forth. “This is too much. You’re too much.”

“My mother’s been telling me that since the day I was born. Now, let’s get all these boxes moved in, and then we can order in some dinner or something. We can even eat out on the rooftop if you want to watch the sunset.”

I turned to walk away, and Aaliyah called out to me. When I looked back at her, she stood still, and her brown eyes flashed with emotions as her perfect, full lips parted. “Thank you, friend.”

“For what?”

“Existing.”

After the movers came and went, Aaliyah and I ordered food and headed out to the rooftop to enjoy dinner with one another.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that Aaliyah was one of the healthiest people I’d ever come across, which surprised me a bit.

Two years ago, she was downing chicken wings drenched in ranch as if she was a competitive eater, and now she didn’t drink or touch fried food.

As I ate my burger and fries, she chowed down on a kale salad with some kind of lemony vinaigrette.

“For a long time, I thought you were an all-around perfect girl, but tonight you kind of killed that idea as you began eating kale,” I said, shaking my head in disappointment.

She laughed. “It’s not that bad. It’s actually good if you massage the dressing into the leaves and let it sit for a while. Plus, the grilled chicken is full of flavor. And my green drink?—”

“Just admit you don’t like things that taste good, Red, and leave it at that. You’re eating grass and drinking grass.”

“Listen, do you know how much fat and unhealthy chemicals are in your burger and fries?” she asked.

I held up a stern hand. “No, and you better not tell me. Otherwise, we will be roommates at war.”

“I’m just saying. What you put in your body has a big effect on your overall wellness. A bit of kale wouldn’t hurt you, Cap. Greens are your friends.”

“And a few fries wouldn’t hurt you either,” I said, waving one in her face.

“Life is about balance. And for your information, my burger has a slice of tomato and some lettuce. And what is that I see?” I took the top bun off of my burger and dangled a piece in the air.

“Is that an onion and pickles? I’m pretty much the healthiest man alive. ”

She tossed her hands up in surrender. “Okay, health nut, my mistake. I need to be more like you.”

I held a fry in front of her face, and she took a small bite of it. Her eyes almost rolled into the back of her head because Charley’s Diner seasoned fries were the best fries in the history of potatoes.

I smirked. “See? What’s life without a bit of deliciousness?”

She stabbed a piece of kale and held it in my direction. “Open up.”

I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “Nuh-uh,” I said through my closed mouth.

“Connor! Fair is fair.”

I kept my mouth locked closed. “Life’snotfair,” I mumbled.

“You’re so dramatic.”

“Iknowbutthat’swhoIam.” I shrugged, she laughed, and my God, I was so happy she didn’t marry that asshole.

She gave up and pushed the fork into her own mouth, allowing me to part my lips in victory.

“One day, I’m going to get you to eat a kale salad,” she warned.

“Don’t hold your breath. If my mother couldn’t get me to do it, a beautiful lady won’t be able to do it either.”

“Don’t flatter me.”

“Don’t be so beautiful then.” Her cheekbones shined through as she grew bashful. I threw a french fry her way. “Don’t blush like you don’t know you’re beautiful.”

“I don’t take compliments well,” she said, tossing the fry back my way, and like the professional fry eater I was, I caught it with my mouth.

“That’s because you’re too humble. You should stop being so damn humble. You’re the shit, Aaliyah. You work at one of the top magazines in the world as an editor, you are educated, you are a great person, and you are hot as fuck?—”

“Don’t say hot as fuck,” she said, blushing even more.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and shook her back and forth as I hollered, “Aaliyah Winters, you are hot as fuck, and the whole world deserves to know it!”

“Oh my gosh, Connor, shut up!” she whispered, covering my mouth with the palm of her hand. “You’re so extreme.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“I’m just saying. You are the shit, and you need to start acting like you’re the shit.”

“But I don’t feel like I’m the shit. I honestly feel…weak.”

“Who cares, though? Fake it till you make it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Life is created by habits. We teach the world how to treat us, and that all comes down to how we treat ourselves. I learned this at a young age. When I moved out to New York, I had one thousand dollars to my name, and no idea what the hell I was going to do. All I knew is I needed to act like I was a rich man in order to get through the doors of real rich men. I faked it until I made it. I walked into every room as if I belonged there. I drank whiskey with people who are billionaires. I attended galas and parties for the elite when I still only had pennies in my bank account. You know why I was invited?”

“Do tell.”

“Because I showed up as if it would be their loss if they didn’t invite me. Confidence is a repeated habit. Act confident in your own skin until it becomes your outer layer.”

She narrowed her eyes in thought. “Fake it until I make it?”

“Yeah, and don’t take life too seriously. Life is short, might as well learn how to laugh at yourself sometimes, too.”

“Sounds like you need to be my life coach.” She laughed. “I mean, let’s be honest, you kind of were my life coach on that Halloween night all those years ago.”

“Yeah, which by the way, makes me extremely confused. Because afterward, you were falling back into self-love. I thought we really had some breakthroughs that night. Color me shocked when two years later I find out that you were engaged to the bane of my existence. Like, how, Red?! How did you end up going from where we left off to ending up with Jason Rollsfield? As your temporary life coach, I was hurt by that discovery.”

She laughed lightly and shook her head. “What can I say? I didn’t have enough time to observe your knowledge.

You were a flash of love for me, and then reality came back, and I fell back into my old patterns.

Maybe if I had more time to learn from you, it would’ve stuck better, but it was hard to hold onto something that came and went in a flash of an eye. ”

“All right,” I said, rubbing my hands together. “We can start again.”

“What?”

“We are going to get back to our training. It will be easier now, too, seeing how you are my new roommate, and I can help you discover the parts of you that I already know exist. So, this time, it’s not about trying to get you to fall in love with me; it’s getting you to finally, truly fall in love with yourself. ”

“Are you serious right now?”

“As serious as a heart attack.”

Her eyes flashed with momentary emotion, and for a second, it almost looked as if she were going to cry? Did I say something wrong? It didn’t take long for that look to evaporate from her eyes, and she gave me a lopsided smile.

“Why do I feel as if this is the best and worst idea in the whole wide world?”

“Uh, because it is the best and worst idea in the whole wide world.” I leaned in toward her. “Say yes?”

She nibbled on her bottom lip, hesitating as she fell into deep thought. She released a weighted breath and shrugged. “All right…yes. I’m in.”

“Hell yeah! This is going to be fun. I do have a few questions for you, though. To help me figure out the best direction to take this challenge.”

“Like?”

“Do you care what others think of you?”

“Absolutely.”

“Are you a people pleaser?”

“I aim to please.”

“Do you ever say no when asked to do something?”

“Oh, gosh no. I like people to like me.”

I shook my head. “What if I told you that people don’t actually like you, but they like what you do for them?”

Her eyes flashed with an intense vulnerability. “Well, that would make me very sad.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I think people only do like me because of what I do for them. And if I don’t do things for them, then they probably wouldn’t like me very much. Which means…I’d be lonely.”

“Red…that’s ridiculous. You are the most likable person on this whole planet. But people take advantage of that because you are too good. So I’m going to teach you to set boundaries.”

She wiggled her body around. “That makes me uncomfortable.”

“Good. It should. We aren’t here to be comfortable; we are here to grow. And believe me when I say, once you fall in love with yourself, the right people will come who expect nothing from you at all.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” I tossed a few fries into my mouth. “I think for research, perhaps we need to look into why you ended up with someone like Jason to begin with.”

“That’s easy…I loved his parents so much and the feeling of family that I lied to myself about who he really was.”

“Why did you lie to yourself, though? I don’t get it.”

She tilted her head, seemingly baffled by my confusion. “Because the lie felt more comforting than the truth, and if I didn’t have that lie, then I’d be alone.”

“What’s so scary about being alone?”

“Everything,” she confessed. “Everything’s scary about being alone.”

That made me sad for her because I knew what loneliness felt like. Maybe not as deeply as her because I was pretty content with my loneliness. Sometimes, women came into my life for random flings, but I’d learned to enjoy my own company.

“I’d rather be alone by myself than lonely with someone else,” I told her.

She smiled, but it felt so sad. I reached across to her and took her hands into mine.

“Red, by the end of this, you’re going to be stronger than you ever thought.

You’re going to wake up and feel full without the need of another soul, but it will take some time.

I’ll be right here beside you, too. You’re going to be confident, and strong, and not take anyone’s bullshit even if their lies feel a bit comforting.

You’re going to learn quickly that it’s so much better to sit in moments of ugly truths than swim in beautiful lies. ”