Page 5 of The Compass Series

I snickered. “Oh yeah, and when Mama would get nervous about the sky getting darker, Daddy would say, ‘You can’t be lost if you’re surrounded by nature. Nature is our home.’” I smiled at the memory before my lips began to turn down.

“I miss them,” Yoana confessed.

“Me too.” More than words. I had no doubt I’d find myself wandering those woods for some meditation sessions.

When we were younger, my parents would have my sister and me ground our energy every morning and evening.

Daddy taught us yoga and Mama taught us breathing techniques.

Those lessons truly helped shape my life, but when things went wrong, meditation was the first thing that disappeared from my daily routine.

Funny how people lose their main principals and beliefs when their world is turned upside down.

The other tasks on my to-do list from Yoana?

·Find one thing to make me smile each day.

·Journal in order to slowly dive back into writing.

·Get daily sunlight when the weather allows.

·Explore Havenbarrow.

Yoana nudged me in the side. “Now that all that is handled, do you want to go out to grab something for dinner?”

“I’m actually getting a little tired. Besides, don’t you have a plane to Costa Rica to catch?”

A slack expression washed over her face as she glanced at her watch. “Oh, right. That.”

“Yes, that.” I chuckled. “Only the first leg of the most epic honeymoon of all honeymoons.”

She gave me puppy dog eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”

“Uh, no. Trust me, I’m not above being a third wheel to the movies with the two of you, but tagging along to travel the world would be crossing the line.”

“Fine. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without you for so long. I feel like I just got you back.” She paused and nibbled on her bottom lip as her eyes grew wet and dull. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Don’t worry. When you get back, I’ll be even more of myself. You won’t lose me again, ever.” I sniffled a little, watching Yoana get emotional. “Don’t you start crying because you know I’m a sympathetic sobbing queen. Just hug me and get lost, will you?”

She pulled me into a hug. “I’ll call you every day, okay? I don’t care about the time difference. We’ll check in on every social media outlet, and if you need me, no matter what, Kennedy, I’m there for you.”

“I know. Thank you. Now go!” I ordered, waving the happy couple toward the door. I leaned in, kissed Yoana’s cheek, and gave Nathan a tight hug. “You take care of her or you die, okay?”

“Aye, aye. captain. Listen, the town here has some great places to eat and check out. Don’t be afraid to reach out if anyone gives you a hard time, either. I know how these small-town people can get—rude. You’re my sister now, and I’m not afraid of kicking someone’s ass from overseas.”

I laughed. “Go, you guys. I love you, be safe, and do like Mama and Daddy always said on their adventures—don’t be afraid of the unknown.”

“Same goes for you, sister. Don’t be afraid of the unknown,” Yoana echoed.

Nathan said goodbye then walked outside to give Yoana and me a moment alone. My chest ached at the thought of her leaving me, but I did my best to hide that pain.

“What Penn did to you was cruel, and if I could, I’d absolutely cut off his dick, but that chapter of your life is over. Remember what Mama and Daddy said to do when someone makes you feel weak?”

I nodded as tears started to form in my eyes. “When someone makes you feel weak, do something to make yourself feel strong.”

“Exactly, and that’s what you’re doing now. You’re rediscovering yourself. You’re starting over, and anyone who has the guts to start over is strong. You are so strong. Mama and Daddy would be so proud of you. I know I am.”

Leave it to Yoana to make me cry. “Geez, just get out of here, will you? You’re going to leave me sobbing like a fool alone in a small town.”

“Okay, I love you. I’ll call once we make it to the airport.”

We said yet another goodbye because saying goodbye to each other was always an extremely long process. As my sister closed the front door, I took a deep breath and allowed the tears to fall down my cheeks.

Leaning my back against the wooden door, I closed my eyes and felt the rush of loneliness slamming into my chest. It turned out, it didn’t matter how big or small one’s home was, it didn’t matter how warm or cold the house had been, and it didn’t matter how many things were packed inside the walls—when loneliness showed up, it still felt extremely sad.

Just then, my cell phone dinged.

Yoana: I forgot to tell you! I left you a present. I placed it out onto the driveway for a little comfort.

I swallowed hard and pulled myself together as I headed out to find the surprise. The moment I stepped outside, more tears welled up in my eyes.

There it was, parked right in front of me, a gift from the past that was meant to bring me a slice of comfort: Mama and Daddy’s convertible.

That beat-up vehicle represented my two favorite people, people I’d lost. It was a dull yellow color with drawings all over it.

Mama and Daddy would have us draw our favorite moments on the car throughout our childhood, creating lasting memories we were able to look back on throughout the years.

As I walked around the car, I took in every memory inscribed upon it. Birthday celebrations. Art shows. Family vacations. I couldn’t help but feel a smile curve my lips. It was an instant reminder of who I truly was, down to my core.

I remembered driving down the freeway with my family, listening to Lauryn Hill as our hair blew in the wind with no fears and loads of happiness.

Yoana sat beside me in the car, and her laughter was infectious.

She would fall into a giggling fit as she and I blew bubbles in the back seat of the car.

You couldn’t be unhappy with those three people in your life and that kind of joy.

I hopped into the driver’s seat and inhaled deeply as a particular scent washed over me.

Mama.

I glanced over at the passenger seat, where a basket was filled with goodies and a letter. Mama’s favorite perfume was there, and I knew that was what I was smelling. Yoana must’ve sprayed the car seats with the fragrance.

Lilacs and honey.

Along with the perfume was a bottle of whiskey and a jar of coffee beans.

I opened the letter and read the words.

Kennedy,

I hate that I had to leave you so quickly after we reconnected, but I figured you could use a piece of your family while you rediscover yourself. Therefore, I’ve left you with a jar of Mama’s favorite coffee beans for the mornings and a bottle of Daddy’s favorite whiskey for your nights.

Love you, sis. Call me if you need me. I’m just one flight away.

And try not to overthink everything. You’re right on track, even on the days when it doesn’t feel that way.

-Yoana

As I stared up toward the stars painting Havenbarrow’s atmosphere, I opened up the bottle of whiskey and spent the rest of the night making wishes on the stars for better tomorrows.

I asked Mama and Daddy to send me a sign that no matter what, everything would be okay.

I asked for guidance, for prayer, and for miracles.

I could’ve really used a miracle in my life.

When morning came, I had a strong feeling I’d be able to finally feel the sun after so many days of darkness.