Page 202 of The Compass Series

“Say it,” I repeated.

“It’s not worth it.”

“Of course. Close yourself off to having a grown-up conversation.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

I narrowed my eyes. “You’ve been treating me like crap since you got back here. Acting very childish and rude and?—”

“ You broke my fucking heart !” he shouted, pain in his vocals as he tossed his hands up in defeat.

“First in person, then via text message! Why the hell would I want to talk to you, Hailee? You made it clear as day that you wouldn’t give me another chance.

You made it clear that we were over. Why the hell would I want to converse with you, let alone be nice to you? ”

“I don’t know, maybe because before we were in a relationship, we were best friends since we were kids?”

“That didn’t seem to mean anything to you when you ended things.

” He huffed, rage burning in the back of his eyes.

“You even said maybe we could remain friends, but it was best we didn’t talk for a while.

Then I waited. I waited for you to reach out again, Hailee.

A while passed by, and you still stayed away.

Or do you not recall the text message you sent me? ”

“Aiden…” My voice cracked. Guilt filled me up to the brim.

“I want to be strangers,” he said. “I need you to be a stranger to me.”

I hated that. I hated it so much, but also, I understood.

If that’s what he needed, it wasn’t fair for me to get in his way of healing.

Like Mama said, healing had its own timeline.

It wasn’t right of me to step on Aiden’s when I was the one who hurt him in the first place.

I’d respect his wishes—even if it broke my own heart.

“If that’s what you really want, I’ll stay out of your way until you leave town. ”

“Fine.”

“Great.”

“Splendid.”

“Wonderful.”

“Okay.”

“Fan-freaking-tastic,” I spat out.

“Do you really have to get the last word in? Are you that childish?” he grumbled like a grumpy old man.

“Says the man who goes around punching people. That’s real mature, Aiden. We aren’t kids anymore. We don’t go around throwing punches.”

“He disrespected you.”

“And why do you care?”

No. Really. Why do you care?

His nostrils flared, and he raked his hand through his hair as he paced the sidewalk. “Call it an old reflex. We’re done here.”

He turned to walk away and paused halfway in the middle of the road.

His head lowered. His steps moved to turn back around to face me and the anger that lived within his stare was gone.

For a moment, he looked like his old self.

The boy I once loved. For a moment, he stared at me as if he still cared, and he said, “Do people do that often?”

“Do what?”

“Comment about you like that?”

“Of course not. Tommy was drunk, and he’s an idiot,” I said. “We’re not in high school anymore. People aren’t out here slinging insults at me.”

He grimaced. “Of course, they aren’t. Sorry.

I just…I can’t think clearly around you,” he whispered.

His shoulders dropped, and a shift overtook his entire body.

It was at that moment that I saw it—Aiden’s truth.

He didn’t hate me. He wasn’t angry or bitter like his words were coming off. He was…sad.

Aiden was painfully sad. I saw it within those blue eyes when they locked with mine.

How had I missed it before? Was I too deep in my own thoughts to notice his evident pain? Was he that good at shielding his sadness? How long had he been hurting so quietly? How long had he been in the depths of that pain?

It was a kind of sadness that was deeper than just our separation. It was the kind of sadness that lingered throughout someone’s entire existence. It crept in every crevice of a person’s soul, melting pain and struggle into their spirit.

I could only spot that level of sadness in his eyes because I’d lived it before, right when Aiden left town five years ago.

Those demons of sadness were the hardest to rid myself of.

It shattered my heart to know that Aiden was sitting in the eye of his hurricane, in the middle of his despair, and not a single person seemed to notice. Not even me.

Yet now that I saw it…

My chest ached. “Aiden…”

“Do you feel bad?” he asked. “For how you ended things between us?’

Yes.

Repeatedly.

All the time.

“You already know the answer to that,” I told him.

“I need you to say it.”

“I feel guilty every single day.”

“Then why did you do it? Why did you let me go?”

“I knew it had to be done. I do wish I could’ve handled it differently.

I was young and scared. All I want to do is start with a clean slate with you, Aiden.

That’s all.” I wanted him to let me back into his world so I could help walk beside him.

I knew depression. I wouldn’t wish for my greatest enemy to walk with that anguish all on their own. Let alone Aiden.

“Clean slate,” he huffed, disgusted by the idea. He didn’t give me another word. His somber look deepened, and he slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans before he turned and walked away.