Page 136 of The Compass Series

STELLA - EIGHT YEARS OLD

G rams lived in the guesthouse and helped Kevin out a lot, cooking and cleaning the house, and making sure I got to school on time.

She even helped me with my hair. “Bless Kevin’s heart, but he doesn’t have a clue what to do with a Black woman’s hair.

I can’t have you out here looking like a fool.

Your mother would kill me if I did that,” Grams would say as she brushed my coarse hair, tossing it in two puffs.

Grams’ hair was like mine, but she had a lot more gray parts on her head.

She was right about my hair. Kevin had broken about five combs trying to do my hair, and I normally ended up crying when he’d tug on it too much, so Grams was the one who took on fixing me up for school. She had a gentle hand.

Kevin seemed sad lately. Sometimes, I’d walk past his office and hear him crying. I’d knock on his door and see if he needed anything, but he’d always pretend he was okay.

Grams said he pretended because he didn’t want his sadness to make me sad.

She said he brought different women from his past into the house and took them on dates, too because he was sad and trying not to be anymore.

“Why do I have to get my hair done today?” I grumbled to Grams on a Sunday morning.

She usually only messed with my hair five days a week, and Sunday was not one of them.

“I already told you. We are meeting his new girlfriend, and you have to look decent.”

“Have you met her?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like her?”

Grams frowned and paused, which meant no, but she didn’t like most of Kevin’s girlfriends. She said he was too good for them.

“I think she might make him happy, so that’s all that matters, seeing how he’s lonely,” she answered.

“Why would he be lonely? He has us!”

Grams laughed. “Yes, he does, but sometimes a person needs a partner. Plus, your mama was his best friend since they were younger than you. They were so close that their souls were probably entangled. After she passed away, I truly believe that part of Kevin’s heart died and went to the ocean with your mama. ”

I bit my nails and looked down at the floor. “Why doesn’t he just talk to Mama in the ocean?”

“Well, sweetheart…one has to believe in the magic of the ocean to be able to communicate with it. I think Kevin’s been struggling to believe ever since he lost your mother to the water. But he’ll come around. Maybe having someone around will make him believe a little bit more.”

“Do you think she’ll like me?”

Grams turned me toward her and kissed my forehead.

“You’re impossible not to like, Stella.” She finished putting my hair into puffs and patted me on the shoulders.

“Now, go on. Go put on that yellow sundress I laid out for you on your bed. Rosalina will be here any second, and I want you to be ready to greet her.”

I did as Grams said and hurried off to my bedroom. I changed into my sundress, which was my favorite color after teal. Most of my closet was yellow and teal stuff. I loved teal because it was my favorite color. I loved yellow because it was Mama’s.

I felt my tummy flipping as I got ready. I hoped Rosalina liked me because it would be nice to have another girl in the house. Sometimes, Kevin didn’t understand things that happened to me, and I could never talk to him about my crushes. I could talk to Grams sometimes, but it wasn’t the same.

I wasn’t looking for a new mama because mine was still around in the water, but maybe Rosalina could’ve been my friend. I didn’t have many friends at school, so it would’ve been nice to have her.

After getting dressed, I dashed out of my room to go back to the living room to wait for Rosalina to come. As I was running around the corner, I bumped into Kevin, making me come to a fast stop. I tumbled a little, and he caught me in his arms before I fell to the ground.

“Whoa there, speed racer,” he mentioned.

I looked up at him and saw his eyes. His eyes used to smile more. Mama always said that was her favorite part of Kevin—how his eyes could be the happiest thing on his face. But now they looked sad. That made me sad, too.

“Sorry,” I muttered as I went standing to my feet.

He flicked his thumb against the bridge of my nose and then dabbed my fist with his like we always did. “It’s okay. You ready to meet Rosalina?”

“Yes! Grams said she’s going to like me, and maybe we can be friends, too.”

“Of course she’ll like you! You’re a star.”

I struck a pose. “I know, I shine.”

His eyes didn’t look as sad anymore as he kept chuckling. “You’re sassy like your mother. You know that, right?”

I lowered my eyebrows. “Do you miss her, Kevin?”

“Every single day.”

“Then why don’t you talk to her in the ocean? That’s how I talk to her. Grams, too! You could do it if you wanted to.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck and bent down in front of me. His hands fell against my shoulders, and he whispered. “I talk to the ocean. It just doesn’t talk back to me.”

I leaned in closer to him and whispered, “That’s because you’re not listening closely enough.”

His mouth parted to speak, but the doorbell rang. Following right after that, we heard a shout. “Honey, I’m home!”

“Rosalina’s here,” he said.

My heart was doing cartwheels as excitement filled me up.

Kevin smiled and leaned forward, giving me a forehead kiss. Mama used to kiss my forehead, too. I hoped Kevin never stopped that. Grams called them ocean kisses because the forehead kiss sent waves of comfort through my body. They were reminders that someone loved me.

“I know I’ve dated a lot, but this thing with Rosalina is going to be different,” he told me, but I felt as if he was really trying to tell himself. “I promise, Stella.”

I nodded my head as he stood back up. He stared at me with a smile and those sad eyes. “Every single day, you look more like your mother. UB, you know?”

I smiled. “UB.”

UB stood for universal blessings. Little things that happened in the world that felt like small gifts from the universe.

We learned a lot of our weird sayings and stuff from Grams. She was into magic and tarot cards, crystals and sage, and all of that stuff.

When it came to the universe, Grams had a gift of knowing lots of stuff.

UB was just one of the millions of things she’d taught Kevin and me.

“Come on.” He took my hand into his. “Let’s go see her together.”

We walked toward the living room, and there Rosalina was, standing there tall as ever in her high heels and fancy clothes. Her driver was bringing in some of her suitcases, and she was typing nonstop on her cell phone with big black sunglasses that covered her whole face.

When she saw us, she stopped typing and slid her phone into her purse. “Kevin!” she cried out, rushing to him. Kevin dropped my hand, and I stepped behind him a little bit as they embraced.

She was so beautiful. I’d never seen anyone look that pretty outside of Mama and Grams.

“I missed you, baby,” Rosalina said, taking off her sunglasses. She put those in her purse, too, and then placed her hands against Kevin’s cheeks and kissed him hard. For a long, long time.

Gross.

I scrunched up my face and looked away. It was weird seeing an adult do that kind of stuff.

Kevin pulled back from Rosalina and looked back at me. “Stella, want to say hi?”

I wrapped my arms around his leg and kept hiding behind him. He pulled me around to the front, so I stood between the two of them. Rosalina’s nostrils flared like a walrus, but she smiled big as she bent down and locked eyes with me.

“Stella, you’ve gotten so big,” she exclaimed, tapping me on the nose. “Come give your new mother a hug.”

I glanced at Kevin, then at her, then back to Kevin.

Kevin grimaced. “We were going to tell you tonight. Rosalina and I actually got married in Vegas.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, feeling sick to my stomach. But that wouldn’t make her my mama, right? I just wanted a friend.

“I know, sweetheart. Isn’t it amazing?!” Rosalina said, pulling me into the tightest hug possible. She squeezed me so tight that I thought I’d explode or something.

When she let go, Grams walked into the room, telling us all that dinner was ready.

During dinner, I didn’t say a word. I didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t my new mama. I had a mama who I talked to every single day. Just because some people were too blind to see it didn’t mean that Mama wasn’t still with me in the waves.

After dinner, I went to my room with a tummy ache.

“Stella!” Rosalina barged into my room without knocking. I was sitting in my room painting a picture. My mama was an artist, and when I grew up, I was going to create masterpieces like hers.

Rosalina walked in without me even saying she could come in. Kevin and Grams never barged into my room without asking.

“Hey, Stella. I think it’s time you and I have a heart-to-heart conversation.

Kevin is plating dessert for us to celebrate even though your chunky self doesn’t really need it.

” She walked over to my art desk and pulled up my other chair to sit right in front of me.

“It was rude how you didn’t speak at dinner. ”

I shrugged.

She grimaced. Her hair fell in her face, and she combed it behind her ears.

“You do know that Kevin loves me, right?” I didn’t say anything.

She cocked an eyebrow. I was shocked when he said he adopted you.

Then again, he loves a good charity case, and you, Stella, are a charity token.

But I’m the love of his life, and he made it clear to me that if he had to pick between you and me this time, he’s choosing me, his wife. Do you understand?”

“Kevin wouldn’t leave me!” I shouted, feeling angry.

“Oh, but he would. Maple, too. They both told me already. They said even if you bring it up to them, they will pack your bags and send you off. So, how about you and I make a deal? We will create a way for us both to live in the house together.”

I didn’t feel good. The more she talked, the more my tummy hurt.

Rosalina smiled, but it didn’t feel like a nice smile.

It felt mean. Everything she did felt mean to me.

“Stella, you need discipline. Since I am married to Kevin, you are who I will raise. So, you will be perfect in every way. You will do your chores without being asked. You will dress like a proper lady. You will not be this wild child, and you will not raise your voice. Your job is to be as invisible as possible to make others comfortable. You will speak only when spoken to, otherwise, you will be punished. Three strikes and you’re out. Do you understand, Stella?”

“But!” I exclaimed.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Rosalina said, holding up a finger. “No raising of your voice.”

I lowered my head and stared at my fingers.

I wanted her to go away.

Rosalina placed her finger beneath my chin and lifted my head up to lock eyes with her. “And no slouching. Only sloths slouch, darling. Be more of a lady. Less of you.”

I didn’t even know what that meant. But I didn’t want to argue because I didn’t want Kevin to send me away. I’d miss him and Grams too much.

“Now, remember, I’m doing this for you. So, Kevin doesn’t get sick of you and send you away. This has to be our little secret, okay?”

I nodded slowly, feeling my body tremble as she said those words.

Her hands landed against my cheeks. Her eyes almost looked like tears were about to fall from them as she cradled my face.

Her mouth parted, and she whispered, “I’ve seen pictures of her, you know.

You look so much like your mother.” Then she pinched my right cheek and shook her head. “It’s a pity you’re so ugly.”

“Knock, knock,” Kevin said, tapping on the door from the outside. Unlike Rosalina, he didn’t barge in.

“Come on in,” Rosalina stated. “Honestly, I think it’s odd that you knock. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to enter any room in your own home.”

“Yes, well, we believe in safe places. This is Stella’s space,” Kevin mentioned. “Dessert is ready.”

We all headed to the dining room and sat down at the table.

In front of me was a slice of my favorite apple crumble pie and vanilla ice cream.

Kevin and Rosalina dived right in. I pushed the pie around and didn’t eat much.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how Rosalina called me chunky and said I shouldn’t be eating dessert.

Rosalina cleared her throat and shot me a look. She then sat up straighter and rolled her shoulders back, demonstrating how I should’ve been sitting. I sat up straighter and moved my elbows off the table. She smiled, pleased.

“Stella, aren’t you going to eat?” Kevin asked.

“Not really hungry,” I muttered.

“Hmm? Speak up, sweetheart,” Rosalina said. She said it in a sweet way, but it seemed mean, still.

“Not really hungry,” I repeated, louder.

“It’s probably for the best. You ate a lot of supper,” she commented, going back to her dessert.

“Can I go to my room?” I asked Kevin.

“Sure, of course. It’s been a long day. I’ll stop in to say good night soon, okay?”

“Okay.” I pushed myself from the table and started dashing toward my bedroom.

“No running in the house, sweet Stella,” Rosalina said. “Walk like a lady.”

I slowed down and began tiptoeing, afraid to get a strike from Rosalina.

A little while later, there was a knock on my door. “Stella, can I come in?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah.”

I was already under my blankets, and my night-light was on as Kevin walked in. He smiled over at me and pulled up a chair beside my bed.

“Today was a big day,” he mentioned.

I shrugged, not sure what to say.

He frowned. Even though Rosalina was supposed to make him feel better, he still looked sad.

“I feel like I haven’t been the best for you, Stella. Like, I’m not enough for you,” he confessed.

I felt like crying. It sounded like he was going to give me away, like Rosalina said. “You’re my best friend,” I said. His eyes got watery, and he leaned forward and gave me more ocean kisses.

“You’re my best friend, too, kiddo.”

“Why are you sad, Kevin?” I asked.

He tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“You’re crying.”

He touched his cheeks as if he didn’t even notice his emotions. “Oh? I don’t know. Just a crazy day. I think things are going to get better, though. You like Rosalina, right, Stella? She said you two had a good talk.”

I tugged on the blanket and thought about our talk. I wanted to tell him how I really felt, but I didn’t want him to get rid of me. I also didn’t want him to be sad anymore, and maybe Rosalina could make him happy again. So, I did what I was told, and said, “Yes.”

Kevin smiled a little and patted his hand on top of mine. “Okay. Good. I like her, too. But you?” More ocean kisses. “You are my universal blessing.”