Page 37 of The Compass Series

KENNEDY

I started writing again.

It was nothing to tell the world about, and everything I scribbled might have been gibberish, but those words were mine, and I’d never been so thankful for being able to create.

Each day, I headed to the library to write in the hidden nook.

I’d stay there until the sun went down, typing away at words that were coming at me faster than my fingers could move.

I’d forgotten what it felt like to feel inspired, to be unable to focus on anything around me for a few hours a day.

When I wasn’t writing, I was spending time with Jax, as much time as I could.

It felt as if I couldn’t get enough of being around him.

So, when he told me that he was heading to Chicago to visit his brother, my heart deflated a little bit.

The idea of not having him around over the weekend was a lot to take in, which felt silly.

A few weeks back, he wasn’t even a spot in my life.

Now, the idea of him not being around was sad.

“It’s just a weekend,” he smirked as we sat in the convertible. “I promise to come back.”

“You better. Or I’ll find you again, like I did in this town,” I joked. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“I wouldn’t want to get rid of you. I am looking forward to seeing my brother, though. We only get together once a year, for our mother’s birthday.”

I frowned. “That has to be hard.” I remembered how hard it was for my loved ones birthdays to come around.

“It was at first, but over time, it gets better, Kennedy.” He placed his hand in mine and squeezed. “It will get better and easier for you.”

That comfort was nice to have.

“My brother refuses to come back to this town to visit, though, so I always have to head up to Chicago. It might be different after our father passes away. I have a feeling that was why he ran away after our mother died. Or maybe it’s too hard to be in this town after the accident.

Who knows? But for now, I’m okay getting away from Havenbarrow to see him. ”

“Are you two close?”

He snickered. “Not like you and Yoana,” he replied. “But we’re fine. He’s my brother, and I know if I ever needed something, he’d be there for me.”

There was so much comfort in that fact.

He glanced at his cell phone and grimaced. “I should actually get back to my place and pack, seeing how I leave so early in the morning.”

“Oh, okay,” I nodded as I hopped out of the truck. “Maybe I can come over to help you pack. Or, well, watch you pack. Or…I don’t know…” I just want to be near you.

He smiled. “You’re really going to miss me, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Jax. Don’t’ make it a thing.”

“It’s already a thing. I’d love your help packing, though. I’d also love if you stayed the night with me. I want to be able to kiss you when the sun comes up before I go.”

That was the easiest request I’d ever fulfilled.

We walked through the woods to get to his house, and it was at that moment I realized I’d never been inside Jax’s place.

I’d never seen where he lived, where his father used to live.

Oddly enough, I was equal parts excited and nervous to step foot into the place where he grew up.

I knew a lot of terrible things happened in that house.

Yet, I liked to believe a lot of loving memories lived there, too.

As we walked inside, and he showed me around, my chest tightened.

There were all the pieces that made a house a home.

The furniture was lived in. There were photographs of his family throughout the space.

On one doorway frame, there were markings showcasing Derek’s and Jax’s height growth.

I ran my fingers across those and couldn’t help but smile. What a special memory to have.

Sadly, with the splashes of light, came the darkness. My hands landed against a wall that had a hole through it. It looked as if someone had punched their fist right through the drywall. Those types of holes were seen throughout the house.

When Jax caught me touching one of the spots, he cleared his throat. “Those are my memories with my father.”

“Why didn’t you fix them?”

His mouth twitched as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t want to forget the way he was. It sounds stupid and petty, but I didn’t want his declining health to be a reason for me to forgive him for the hurt that he caused me. So, I left the holes as reminders.”

“How many times did he miss the wall and hurt you?”

He went silent.

That made me want to cry.

“I’m so, so sorry, Jax.” It took a certain kind of monster to lay their hands against a child. Jax didn’t deserve that treatment. No child in the whole world deserved to be hurt by the ones who were supposed to protect their lives.

He shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”

“Still,” I said, “I’m sorry.”

He gave me a halfhearted smile before leading me to his bedroom to pack a suitcase.

When I entered the room, I froze as I saw two large, open boxes sitting on his desk. “What is that?” I asked, rushing over to see what was inside of them, even though I was already certain I knew.

He glanced over and turned a bit sheepish. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“But I did.” I dug through the boxes and shook my head as a small laugh left my lips. “I know you said you bought one of my books for the library, but it seems you brought all five of my books,” I said, stunned. “Five times over!”

“I wanted to support you.”

I laughed. “One book would’ve been effective.”

“What if I accidentally spilled something on said book? I wanted to have a few backups. One day, I’m going to build a library with all of your books on the shelves.”

He was the sweetest man I’d ever crossed paths with, and I was so thankful he was back in my life. “By the way things are going, these are going to be the only books I have,” I joked.

He shook his head, extremely certain of the opposite. “You’ll get there, Kennedy. One day at a time.”

I hoped he was right.

That night we made love, and then fell asleep in each other’s arms. When morning came, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. As we stood in front of his truck, guilt filled me up inside.

“I’m sorry I can’t drive you to the airport.

I wish I was better than this. I wish I didn’t have all of my issues.

” What was wrong with me? I should’ve been able to do it.

I should’ve been able to get into the truck and take him to the airport, like a normal person.

I wished I could’ve been my old, normal self again.

He leaned in and kissed my lips and then my forehead. “You’ll get there, Kennedy,” he repeated like the previous night about my novels. “One day at a time.”

When he drove off, I already began to miss him, and I selfishly started counting down the hours until he’d be back.