Page 77 of The Compass Series

AALIYAH

I often wondered who the first person was to ever fall in love.

Did they know what it was right away, or did it feel like extreme heartburn? Were they happy? Sad? Was the love a two-way street, or was it a solo affair? How long did it take to get there? How many days, months, and years did they travel before the love arrived?

Were they scared?

Did they speak the words first or wait for the other to do the talking?

In all of my favorite storybooks, there had been an insta-love moment.

I loved when a character said they fell completely in love the moment their eyes met.

While I’d always been a hopeful romantic, it was hard to believe that would ever happen in real life, yet still, I loved the idea of it all.

I loved that it could happen, maybe, even if only in make-believe worlds.

I loved the idea that love worked in whatever way it wished.

I liked the thought that love swept in at its own speed, not believing in time, space, or constraints.

It showed up sometimes welcomed, other times not, and it filled people up inside.

Then in many cases, that love shifted. It cracked, it bled, it left scars that would never fully heal. It opened a door for distrust, self-doubt, and pain. I sometimes thought life would be better if love never existed because if love wasn’t real, heartbreak couldn’t occur either.

I lately wondered who the first person was to ever fall out of love.

Did they see it coming? Was it a slow build?

Did it start with small annoyances, or did they wake one morning and realize the love was gone?

Did they mourn it? Did they walk away easily?

How many days, months, and years did they travel before the love evaporated?

I wondered if losing love hurt them to the same extent it’d wrecked me over the past few hours.

Connor offered to ride back to my place with me, but I declined the offer.

All I wanted to do was be alone for a while.

As the car pulled up to the penthouse in SoHo, I grew nauseous.

A part of me wanted to rush upstairs, pack my things, and hurry away without being seen.

A bigger part of me hoped Jason was sitting up there, ready to tell me everything from the past twenty-four hours was a big mistake.

Ready to tell me he had just caught a case of cold feet, and he’d run off to the courthouse with me that instant and say, “I do.”

How pathetic was that?

If Jason asked me to still marry him, I’d probably say yes.

I didn’t know what that meant for my strength.

“Thank you, Luis,” I told Connor’s driver, who had been nice enough to take me home.

Jason’s home.

It definitely wasn’t mine to claim.

“Of course. If there is anything you need, I’m sure Mr. Roe would be all right with me transporting you to a different location today.” He was so kind to me, and I was thankful for that. I needed all the kindness I could get.

“I think I’ll be okay, thank you.”

We said our goodbyes, and I took a deep breath before walking inside the building.

The moment I went through the front doors, my stomach tightened.

Katherine sat working at the front desk, and her eyes widened when she saw me.

Katherine was an older lady who’d been working in that same spot for over twenty years.

She was the face that’d greeted me for the past six or so weeks since I’d moved in with Jason, one I was happy to know and love.

“Aaliyah, hi, sweetheart.” She stood quickly, and the heaviness that sat in her eyes held guilt. “How are you?”

I gave her a tight grin. “Seen better days.”

“I can imagine. I’m sorry about everything that happened, but Mr. Rollsfield said to let you know you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you need.”

I stood a bit. “You’ve talked to Jason?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Is he here now?”

“No, ma’am. He stopped by yesterday to pick up some things before he headed out. Said he was going on a trip.”

“Did he say where to?” I asked.

Katherine grimaced. “I think he mentioned France?”

“Our honeymoon.” Or what was supposed to be our honeymoon.

“Look, sweetie”—Katherine rubbed the back of her neck and lowered her brows—“I was really betting on you being the one this time. I’ve seen Jason with many different women. Many, many, many ?—”

“I get it. Jason used to get around,” I cut in. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m just saying, it was different with you. He was different with you.”

I huffed at her words. They annoyed me for many reasons, but mainly because even though he had been different, he’d still left me. I wasn’t enough to make him stay.

I was never enough to make them stay.

“I wanted to be the girl who changed his life,” I confessed. My mind was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he had truly stood me up. Before in my relationships, I could see all the red flags—but Jason had seemed like he truly cared. This one had blindsided me.

“You did change his life.”

I rubbed the palms of my hands over my tired eyes. “I didn’t. If I had, I wouldn’t be here all snotty-nosed and teary-eyed. If I were the woman who’d changed his life, he would’ve been able to say ‘I do.’ But instead, he walked away.”

“Even if that is true, you still changed his life.”

“How do you know?”

“Because people can’t meet you and not be changed, Aaliyah.”

I smiled and thanked Katherine as I reached around to grab my key from my purse.

“Aaliyah,” a voice said from behind me, making me turn around in haste. I knew the voice the moment I heard it, and the sound alone made my heart sink.

“Marie, hi.” I breathed out as I looked into a set of eyes that had grown to mean so much to me. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I was on a quest to try to find my son, but I just got word that he’s taking a mini-vacation to France for a while.

” She frowned as she looked down at her hands and fiddled with her fingers.

When she looked up, tears were flooding her eyes.

“Oh, Aaliyah. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

” She covered her mouth and broke down into uncontrollable sobs.

It was an instant reaction of mine as I wrapped my arms around her. There I was, standing in the lobby, comforting the mother of the man who’d left me on my wedding day. I couldn’t help it; seeing anyone falling apart made me want to comfort them.

“He loves you, Aaliyah. I know he does,” she said, pulling away a bit. “Do you think you and I can have a word upstairs?”

I hesitated for a moment. I wasn’t sure I was ready to face a conversation with Jason’s mother. I wasn’t even ready to face myself and my heartache.

Before I could reply, Marie seemed to read the words I wasn’t able to express. “It’s fine, really. I’m sorry. I’ll give you your space. I want you to know you deserved more than what my son did to you. From the moment I met you, I knew you were something special,” she said.

“Thank you, Marie.”

“I know this sounds crazy, but do you think…” Sniffling, she pulled out a tissue from her purse and wiped her eyes. “Do you think you and I can stay in touch? Maybe still get coffee with one another? I know it sounds selfish, but in a way, I feel as if you are a part of my world.”

I felt the same way, yet the idea of seeing her any time soon seemed a bit too daunting a task. “I think I just need time, Marie. Honestly, this is all a lot to come to terms with. My mind is still spinning.”

“I understand, sweetheart. I won’t take any more of your time but know you’re welcome to stay at this apartment as long as you need.

I’ll make sure to keep Jason away to give you the time you need to move into a new place.

But I hope you know what my son did to you was cruel, and I do apologize for all the hurt he has caused you. ”

I let out a nervous laugh. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Marie. You aren’t your son’s mistakes.”

Now it was her turn to release an anxious chuckle.

“You could tell a parent that a million times, and we’d still never believe you.

” She pulled me into a hug and held me so tight.

I melted into her hug. I hadn’t known how much I needed that—for someone to hold me.

“You are the daughter I always wanted,” she whispered, stirring up my own emotions.

She turned to walk away and paused as she held the door open for a moment before she looked back my way.

“Just so it’s clear, Aaliyah, you were always the catch in your relationship, not the other way around.

My son was never good enough for you. You were the prize.

” She smiled and walked away, leaving me there with a set of nerves I wasn’t sure how to work through.

I took the elevator to the penthouse and felt a sense of emptiness once I stepped foot inside. I hadn’t lived within those walls for long, but somewhere along the way, I’d convinced myself I’d achieve my happily ever after there. Sometimes fairy-tale endings are only for the storybooks.

Everything was exactly as it had always been in the penthouse, except a little different.

All the components of the house felt a little less like mine.

I walked into the bedroom and noticed some of Jason’s clothing was missing from the closets.

He really had left me, and he wasn’t going to come back.

I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I wasn’t sure how to move forward with life. I had nothing to my name—no husband, no job, no home. I’d given all of that up to be with a man who’d left me on our wedding day.

I lay down on the bed that morning, feeling everything but love.

I hated the discomfort I felt in that home.

I hated the way the walls echoed to me that I didn’t belong there.

I hated how my skin crawled with the idea that any moment now, Jason could show up and remind me of how much I didn’t belong.

So I stood up from the bed and went to the only place where I felt less alone.

Every Sunday morning, I spoke to dead people.

Well, not dead people—just one. It had become a tradition to visit Grant’s grave and talk to him about life, about the ups and downs of my world.

I’d read him comic books, and we’d watch the sun rise with one another.

That morning, I’d missed the sunrise with him, but still, I felt his comfort.

I sat in front of Grant’s tombstone with my legs bent and my arms crossed on top of my knees.

My head rested against my arms as I stared forward at the one person who still made me feel loved.

I didn’t say anything that morning because I knew he wouldn’t be speaking back to me at all, but in my head, I’d imagine he’d say I was okay.

Scattered around his tombstone were quarters.

I’d leave a quarter every time I’d visit because it always reminded me of him.

When I first met Grant, he was always flipping a quarter between his fingers.

He had all his odd beliefs and sayings that stuck with me over the years.

“ Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you’ll have good luck, find a quarter, make it mine, and I’ll be lucky for the rest of time, ” he’d say.

There was never a day he didn’t carry a lucky quarter around with him.

So, whenever I visited, I left him a quarter, so he’d have a bit of luck on the other side.

As I sat there, feeling hopeless, another one of his lines popped up in my head.

“ Rain makes rainbows, Aaliyah. Let the water fall ,” he’d probably tell me. “ Break first, fix later. ”

I broke.

I shattered.

I let the water fall from my eyes as the comfort of Grant’s almost words filled my mind. I was thankful for Grant’s silence that still somehow managed to wrap me up in some kind of mystical safe love.