Page 188 of The Compass Series

AIDEN

T he morning after Hailee and I shared our first kiss, we met at the bus stop like we always did.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” she replied.

Her cheeks were sitting high, and I could tell she was a bit nervous.

“Handshake?” I asked, hoping that would make her feel a bit more normal because we were still us.

She put her hand in front of her, palm facing me, and she began the chant. “Pancake, pancake, up real high.”

Without hesitation, I joined in patting my hand against hers. “If you toss it, it will fly.”

She smacked the back of her hand against mine three times. “If you drop it, it will go.”

We both spun once, then faced one another, patted hands, and did a weird body roll as we said, “Down the drains where the creepy clown flows.”

She laughed until I took her hand into mine to hold.

She hesitated. “Wait.”

“What?”

“You’re going to hold my hand? In front of people? Like at school?” she timidly asked.

I smirked. My best friend was nervous. No, wait, correction: my girlfriend was nervous. Wait, no. That still wasn’t right. Hailee was my best girlfriend. Yes, that was what she was now—my best girlfriend. The ultimate position in my life.

“I’ve been waiting seventeen years to hold your hand,” I said matter-of-factly. “So yes, I’m going to hold your hand in front of the whole world if that’s okay with you.”

“Oh.” She grumbled a little, doing that overthinking thing she did where her nose crinkled up. She then took my hand into hers, her perfect chipmunk cheeks rose and blushed over, and she replied, “Okay then.”

Okay then.

That was what she said when she couldn’t over analyze a situation. When her brilliant mind couldn’t come up with a scenario for things not to work out. Whenever I received an okay then from Hailee, it felt like the biggest victory.

I knew it was odd, but I loved her cheeks so much when they rose with her smiles.

She had three freckles that sat on her right cheek and seven that sat on her left, and each time she smiled, I somehow counted every single one. I wanted to kiss those cheeks day in, day out.

For now, though, it felt good to simply hold her hand.

So many good things were going on for me lately that I wasn’t shocked when Jake reached out to me.

Jake was one of the biggest disappointments in my life. You know how some people were bursts of sunshine on cloudy days? Jake was the complete opposite. He walked into the sunny days, and somehow, the sky always darkened.

When everything seemed to be going good in my life, my biological father always liked to show up to shake things up for me.

I was somewhat surprised when I received a text message from him asking me to meet up because I hadn’t seen Jake in almost a year.

The last time I saw him, he was drunk at Thanksgiving and going on and on about how he was going to get sober.

He promised the following morning to take me shopping for Black Friday.

I waited for hours on my front porch for him to come.

That was what Jake did—made promises he couldn’t keep. I couldn’t count the number of times as a kid I’d waited on my front porch for Jake to take me out for bonding time. He’d hardly ever shown up, and when he did, he was too wasted to drive.

Jake was a sports guy. He’d tell me all about his favorite teams, so as a kid, they became my favorites, too, because I wanted to have something in common with him.

During the holidays, I’d buy him jerseys for the teams he loved and matching ones for myself.

He’d talk about how he’d take me to games down in Chicago, and I’d sit on the porch wearing those jerseys waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

Over time, I started waiting less, but I still waited, just like that afternoon. He called and asked if I wanted to catch a movie with him, and a big part of my mind told me to ignore him. Unfortunately, my stupid heart said to give him one more try.

Dad was always vouching for me to give Jake chances. After all, he was his cousin. Dad said family mattered more than anything. Mom said family only mattered as long as they didn’t do you dirty. Clearly, my parents had different viewpoints on Jake being in my life.

I sat on the front step of my porch, and I was somewhat shocked when I saw Jake pull up in a car. Not only did he show up, but he had a nice vehicle in tow. Normally, he’d ask to borrow one of Dad’s.

“If it isn’t my favorite kid,” Jake said as he walked toward me. I didn’t like when he called me his kid. It reminded me of how he and I were somewhat connected forever.

He held his arms out with enthusiasm, and even though I worked hard not to get excited about seeing that man, my inner child was doing cartwheels.

A part of me still craved a connection with him.

I felt wanted when he showed up. I felt unwanted when he didn’t.

The scale of wanted and unwanted with Jake was tipping heavily in the unwanted direction.

“Hey, Jake,” I said, pulling him into a hug.

“Holy shit, man. When did you turn into the Incredible Hulk?” He pounded his hands against my biceps. “I need you to train me in the gym.”

“We could do that,” I quickly replied. My mind instantly started daydreaming about what it could’ve been like to get Jake into the gym with me.

Damn that hope. It still existed.

“Yeah, man. You look good.” He patted my arms. “You want to head to a diner for some lunch?”

“I thought you wanted to go see that new movie.”

“Definitely. My schedule is a bit more jam-packed than I thought it would be. I have an interview for a job that I gotta make later this afternoon.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, let’s grab a bite. I didn’t know you had a new car.”

Jake walked over to it and put his hands on the top of the hood. “Yeah. Your old man hooked me up with the down payment for it. I’m gonna pay him back once I get this job.”

“My husband did what now?” Mom said, walking out onto the front porch to catch the conversation with Jake. She crossed her arms, wearing her “I’m annoyed” expression.

“Shit, I wasn’t supposed to mention that. Hey, Laurie. You’re looking good as always.”

“Mm-hmm,” Mom groaned. “Where are you taking my son?”

“How about some wings?” Jake said, snapping his fingers toward me. “You still like barbecue wings from West’s?”

I hadn’t been to West’s since I was twelve years old. That was the last time Jake and I had a one-on-one situation.

“Yeah, love it there,” I agreed.

“I’ll have him back in no time, Laurie,” Jake promised.

“I’m sure you will,” she replied as she walked over to me. She pulled me into a hug and held on tight. “Call me if you need me.”

“I won’t need anything. I’ll be back soon. Love you, Mom.”

“Love you, too. Have fun and be safe.” She kissed my cheek, and then Jake and I were off and away.

As we drove, Jake was distracted by any and everything. He had one cigarette dangling from his mouth, one hand on the steering wheel, and the other messing around with the radio. “You want a cig?” he offered.

“I don’t smoke.”

“Yeah, of course. Smart. I was just teasing, anyway. This shit is bad for you. Just say no.” He snickered.

“So what’s new with you? If I knew you were back in town, I would’ve swung by to hang out sooner.

” That was a lie, but whatever. He was the kind of person who lied so much that he believed his own falsehoods.

“I saw some articles online about how you had yourself a girl?”

“Yeah, Hailee.”

“Oh, no shit? How did you guys meet?”

I stared at him blankly. “It’s Hailee. My best friend, Hailee. You’ve met her at most holidays and?—”

His phone started ringing, and he looked down at it as he pulled up to the diner. “Oh, shit,” he muttered as he held a silencing finger up toward me. He hopped out of the car and answered his phone quickly.

As I climbed out of the car, he was talking hush-hush on the phone. When he hung up, his mood had shifted a bit, but he gave me a half grin and opened the door to the diner. “Ready, buddy?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Being around Jake felt like being around a stranger.

I didn’t know why there was a part of me that longed for a connection with him in some way.

I had wonderful parents. There was no reason I should’ve even thought about Jake, let alone, my biological mother.

I didn’t even know her name, but she still crossed my mind every now and again.

I hated that, too. It felt like I was betraying my own mother in some odd way.

We sat with our wings and talked for a while as Jake’s phone kept going off. He grumbled a bit after one message and sat back in the booth. “Hey, I just got called into work. So I might have to dip out earlier than planned. Like, now.”

“I thought you had the interview today. I didn’t know you got the job already.”

“Right, yeah. I mean, it’s like a done deal.

I am getting the job. It’s just all the bullshit paperwork and stuff, you know?

They need me to come in earlier than planned.

” He brushed his thumb against his nose and leaned in.

“Listen, kid, this is embarrassing, but things have been a bit tight. I was wondering if I could get a loan from you for a short period. Just until I can get up and on my feet. Things are turning around. I know they are. You know, I ran into a psychic last week, and she said things were going to start slow, and then boom! I’m on a rocket ship toward win after win.

But, for the time being, if you could help me out, that would mean a lot to me. ”

That hope that still showed up within my gut? It was slowly being ripped to shreds.

“I, uh, I didn’t bring cash.”

“That’s fine. They’ve got an ATM right over there.

You can take out cash right now.” He gestured behind him and then gave me a smile that looked like mine.

I hated that. I hated how we had the same smiles.

Unlike mine, though, his felt sleazy. I couldn’t believe that I thought Jake was any different than before.

It was embarrassing how I thought that this time would be different all because he showed up.

Turned out, he only showed up so he could get something out from me.

I brushed my hand through my hair. “How much do you need?”

“I don’t know. An Emmy-winning boy like you? Maybe you can get by with giving your old man like eight hundred or a thousand?”

He didn’t see my heart break at that moment, but of course he missed it happening. He knew nothing about me. How would he know how to notice my pain?

I slid out of the booth and headed to the ATM to get the money out.

The second I handed it to him, he took a twenty and put it down on the table.

“You can find a ride home, yeah? Lunch is on me,” he said.

I wasn’t sure if he was being ironic or not.

He then collected his things and headed out, leaving me stranded.

I sat there for an hour longer, too embarrassed to call my parents that early on to come get me. After that time passed, I called Mom to pick me up. She pulled up within ten minutes.

I climbed into the passenger seat and didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to tell her anything, though, because Mom was too good at reading me.

“Hey, look at me,” she urged, shoving me in the arm.

“I’m fine,” I swore, staring out my window.

“Aiden, look at me right now,” she ordered.

I sighed and turned toward her. She locked her eyes with mine. I wished my eyes looked like my mother’s. I guessed that was too much to ask for.

She placed her hands against my cheeks and cradled my face as if I was still that little boy waiting on the front porch for Jake to love me.

“You are remarkable, Aiden Scott Walters. You are a great person with an extraordinary heart. You are kind, and good, and true. Don’t let anyone else’s bullshit steal your joy from you.

It’s yours. You own it. No one else gets to have the rights to it. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She tapped my cheek before leaning in to kiss it. “Okay. Let’s get you home.”

That night, Mom and Dad got into the biggest argument over Jake. I listened from my bedroom. My mother was the calmest of souls. She never raised her voice or cussed until someone pushed one of her triggers. I was her biggest trigger, and that afternoon, it had been pushed.

“And you didn’t think I deserved to know you were handing Jake a car, Samuel? I mean, are you shitting me?” Mom blasted. Cuss words from Mom meant she was pissed.

“It was a loan. He said he’ll pay it back,” Dad argued.

“Yeah, he said the same thing last time, right before he crashed the vehicle.”

“He’s doing better now.”

“Oh, is he? Is that why he abandoned our son at a diner? Because he’s got his shit together? I don’t want that man in our lives anymore. He’s no good, and he’s proved that fact time and time again.”

“What do you want me to say, huh? You want me to ditch my cousin?”

“Yes! You don’t owe him anything. You are not your cousin’s keeper.”

“He deserves to have a connection with Aiden.”

“No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t deserve an ounce of my son’s love, especially with how he keeps abusing it. I’m disgusted that you think he does.”

I had enough of listening to them argue. I felt my panic coming back as I scratched at the palms of my hands. I headed to my window and climbed outside. It was almost December, and the weather showcased it. The chilly breeze brushed against my face as goose bumps formed on my forearms.

I knocked on Hailee’s window, and she came over smiling. The moment she saw me, her grin dropped. She opened the window, and she could hear my parents arguing. She didn’t say a word. She just stepped to the side and let me climb into her room.

I lay on her bed, and she shut off the lights and climbed in beside me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? You can tell me anything.”

I grimaced. “I’m not the best at talking about the hard stuff. My mind gets too jumbled trying to speak the words out loud.”

“Oh, okay. Well, how can I help you tonight?”

“Just be here with me. That will be enough.”

She snuggled into me, and she fell asleep in my arms.

Oh.

There it is.

The way Hailee Jones loved me… that was it.

That was exactly how I wanted to be loved.

I didn’t need anything from her. I just needed…her.