Page 102 of The Compass Series

CONNOR

“ W hat in the hell do you think you’re doing?” Marie snapped as she burst into my office.

I’d been working on overdrive the past few days, avoiding facing reality with Aaliyah, and the fact that Marie came barging into my office left me stunned. She didn’t even notice Damian, who was sitting in my office chair.

I raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, did I miss something…?”

“Is it true you are seeing Aaliyah?”

Jason must’ve brought his mother into the loop, and that was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

I didn’t want to face the fact that Aaliyah was sick, that she was dying.

I didn’t want to face the fact that there was truly going to be a day where she wasn’t around.

So, the last thing I needed was Jason Rollsfield’s mother in my face, hollering at me about what was going on between Aaliyah and myself.

“Listen, Marie, this isn’t a good time right now.”

“It sure the hell is, and I need you to end it, okay? Whatever it is that is going on between you and Aaliyah needs to come to an end.”

It already had, but I didn’t need her to know that. All I needed from Marie was for her to leave my office.

“Whatever is going on between Aaliyah and myself is none of your business, Marie?—”

“The hell it isn’t,” she spat out, pacing my office as if she’d lost her damn mind. “No. No. She has to be with Jason. They are meant to be together! I didn’t go through all of this for her to end up with you!”

“What do you mean you didn’t go through?—”

“Leave her alone, Connor. She’s not yours to have.

I fought for this, fought for her, and I’ll be damned if you come in and ruin this for my family!

” she barked, tears sitting sternly at the back of her eyes.

“End things, or else,” she said sternly before pushing her purse strap higher on her shoulder, turning around on her heels, and marching out of my office.

Damian looked at her with a raised brow as she was leaving but didn’t say a word. He then looked over toward me, confused.

“What the hell was that?” he asked.

“I have absolutely no fucking clue.”

“Well, regardless of that, you look like shit,” he stated. I knew I looked like shit. I hadn’t slept in days. My mind was working in overdrive, and I couldn’t focus on anything but the idea of Aaliyah dying. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. What’s going on?”

“Just work stuff.”

“Bullshit again. I know your looks when work stuff is bothering you. That isn’t it.”

“Can you just drop it, Damian? I don’t want to talk about it,” I snapped. Yeah. I snapped at him. I felt guilty about it instantly, too. “Sorry. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Obviously. Like I said—you look like shit.” He took a seat across from me. “Is it something with Aaliyah?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Yeah. So, let’s talk about it. What happened?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and shrugged. “Nothing. I ended whatever it was that we were doing with one another. I figured it was best if I focus on work instead of putting my focus in other places.”

He snickered. No shit, Damian actually laughed. “You got scared, didn’t you?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do. I’m not an idiot.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Is it because you found out she was sick?”

I looked at him, stunned by his words. “What? You knew?”

“Yup.”

“How?”

“I told you, I researched her. I did digging when I realized you liked her to make sure she had no skeletons in her closet.”

“And you found out she was sick?”

“Yup.”

He said it so calmly, which pissed me right the hell off. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because I knew you’d push her away, which clearly that’s exactly what you did.”

I raked my hands through my hair. My blood was boiling as Damian told me all of this as if it wasn’t dire information that I could’ve used. If I knew Aaliyah was sick, I would’ve never let my feelings grow in the way they had. I would’ve never opened up. I would’ve never allowed myself to fall.

I knew better than this.

I knew better than to get close with someone.

“You should’ve told me,” I said.

“I’m glad I didn’t.”

“What the hell do you mean by that? You wanted me to feel shitty like this?” I barked as the rage built more and more.

“No. I just wanted you to feel.” He shifted in his chair and leaned forward.

“I get it, man. I’m heartless. I don’t feel deep for anyone.

I wasn’t built that way. But you’re different.

You were made to love, but you let your fear of losing people get in the way.

I knew if you found out Aaliyah was sick, you’d push her to the side because of fear. ”

I knitted my brows together and grimaced. “That’s not why I stopped things with her. I stopped because she lied about it.”

“But she didn’t.”

“Omitting the truth is a lie.”

“I don’t tell you when I go to shit, but that doesn’t mean I lied about it. It just wasn’t something I told you.”

“I’m being serious, Damian.”

“So am I. Stop acting like she’s some kind of devil because she didn’t tell you how bad off she was. You’re acting like a dick.”

“Fuck off a bit, will you, Damian?”

“Nah. I’m good.” He made himself comfortable in his chair. “Let’s unpack this situation.”

“There’s nothing to unpack.”

“There you go lying. Your baggage is heavy, shit, maybe heavier than mine.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“That you pushed Aaliyah away because you’re scared of her dying.”

I started shifting paperwork around on my desk. “I really don’t have time for this, Damian. So, if you don’t have anything work-related to tell me…”

“I don’t.”

“Then you can leave. And you know what? Fuck you for not telling me about her. That was really shitty.”

“What can I say? I’m a shitty person. Go ahead, be pissed at me, I don’t give a fuck. Take as long as you need to throw your anger my way. Whatever makes you happy. But then, at some point, you’re going to have to face the fact that you’re throwing away something good because you’re afraid.”

“What do you want me to do, huh? She’s dying, Damian, and?—”

“We’re all fucking dying!” he snapped, tossing his hands up in irritation.

“The day we take our first damn breath, we begin to rot. The only real guarantee in life is that we will all meet our maker someday. Life’s clock is ticking loud for all of us, man.

We could walk outside and get hit by a semi and have our lives ended in a split second.

That’s it. That’s the only thing this world promises us—death.

But with Aaliyah, you have an actual shot at living.

A lot of assholes are alive but aren’t living.

They aren’t tapping into the deepest levels of happiness, and you could do that with Aaliyah no matter how short that time would be. ”

“You don’t understand…”

“Sure, I do. Before you met me, I wasn’t living.

I was merely existing, but then you came into my life and gave me drive.

You gave me family. So, don’t tell me I don’t understand.

Whatever, man. Be pissed for as long as you need to, but don’t miss out on that level of happiness due to your own stubborn fear.

Most people don’t get a shot at real love before they die.

Don’t be those people.” He stood from his chair. “Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Stop being a fucking dick and talk to Aaliyah.”

I lowered my head and released a weighted sigh. He was right, but I wasn’t sure how to go about any of it.

“Hey, Damian?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you do some digging on Marie Rollsfield?”

He seemed surprised by my request. When we first met, I made it clear that I didn’t want him digging up anything on anyone I knew before meeting Damian. But something felt off with Marie. I knew something was wrong with the whole Jason situation, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Without question, Damian nodded. “On it.”

I knew I needed to talk to Aaliyah because Damian was right.

There weren’t a lot of times when the guy was ever wrong about anything.

I just needed to build up the courage to go home to see Aaliyah and actually hold a conversation with her.

Yet all of my plans evaporated the moment I showed up late one night and found her in her bedroom, packing some boxes.

“Hey,” I said, walking to her open door. She paused her movements and looked over at me. “What’s going on?”

She blinked a few times, seemingly confused. She was probably thrown off that I was actually at the house after being MIA for days.

“I’m packing.”

“For what?”

“I found a new apartment. I’m moving this weekend.”

My insides twisted at her words. Shit. I knew I was dealing with my own demons, but I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to stay so bad, but I’d been a fucking idiot over the past few days. “You don’t have to go.”

She didn’t look at me as she shrugged. “No, it’s fine. My boss gave me an early raise, and I’d been able to save up enough for a decent place. This situation between you and me was always temporary anyway, right? So, I’m moving on to my next chapter.”

I wanted to tell her to stay. I wanted to man the fuck up and stop being a dick and tell her that I was just scared.

That I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that she wasn’t going to be around forever.

I wanted to tell her that I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing or how to process my emotions.

But instead, I said, “What about the interview?”

I wished I hadn’t said that because I saw the flash of hurt that washed over her face from my words.

“What?”

“We never finished the interview. You were supposed to come down to Kentucky to see my past.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not going to work out. Besides, my doctors don’t think it’s safe for me to travel with my condition.”

With her condition.

Those words were another reminder to me that she was sick. That she was dying. That she was facing a time limit against life, and she was losing. Please don’t die...

Emotion sat at the back of my throat. I was on the brink of falling apart, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t express myself; I couldn’t tell her how I felt, so like a damn idiot, I stayed quiet.

“Besides, I think I have enough to write the article. I have everything I need,” she explained.

I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t be man enough to actually spit out the words.

I should’ve told her to stay. I should’ve told her I’d be in her corner no matter what happened.

I should’ve pulled her into my arms and comforted her because she had to be scared.

She had to be terrified of everything that was happening.

I should’ve begged for her to stay, but, instead like an idiot, I let her walk away.